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Wow!! What a lot you have on your plate, its no wonder you are in a dilemma over this. Fostering a young child is a very different commitment to adopting and I think you are being very sensible in taking time to question whether this is right for you. I can't give you the answer but I do think you need to consider your desires for the future, the children you already have & their needs both now and longer term before you can decide. Its so difficult when all you do is think of the child first but sometimes you have to think of yourself first. Could you not long term foster him? This will give him more stability and carers that can give him what he needs without it being a financial and age concern for you. I am guessing SS want to get him off their books but they may have to provide financial support to find him a home. Good luck x

We are in a similar position to you, and the same age, but our foster child is older and was long term all along. Family finding stopped when she was place with us. We have been asked to consider both adoption and special guardianship, but my only income is fostering and DH's job is not secure, so it could soon be our only income. We are just sitting tight for the moment - far too many other things going on. Maybe look into special guardianship?

I am not in your position but to answer your title question. I don't think at 52 you are too old to adopt a four year old. We're older adopters. My rule of thumb is if babies can be conceived naturally at the age you would have been when the child was conceived - around 46 - 7, I guess - then adoption is ok, because some people out there have that age gap naturally. Of course you have got a whole lot of other issues to consider, but I wouldn't let age itself rule me out. (My youngest is 45 years younger than DH and me so we know we'll be parenting a teen in our early 60s )

We have thought of long term fostering& sgo but sw want adoption which is obviously best for him & them but the forms and against just keep spinning around our heads. Best solution would be an amazing lovely new family for him but we have to be realistic and know that is very unlightly. Got his cic review next week and they are bound to ask again, it's such a life changing decision and also the thought of another adoption assessment is horrid. Our children have all said they think he should stay but I think we need a crystal ball to see how little one will be in his teens!

When are the older 2 expected to move out? For sure they do not stay until they are 40, lol. After so many years of hard work, I can so imagen that you look forwards to retirement or quieter years. What is best for him is probably stay where he is now. What is best for you probably being child free at 65. I see it this way, you never planned to adopt this child, you adopted already 4 children from who 3 have sn, that is called a job in itself. I do not think your childrens opinion is very important unless they can promise to be a respite carer later down the line and take over care for this child if you need a zimmer frame. (you know what I am trying to say). You write yourself the best would be a new family, this can be a long term foster family as well.... Let social services put him in the magazines and actively going out to look. There are adopters and foster carers out there for even the most severe special needs children. Ss can ofcourse say this child nobody wants but that is rubbish, give them a year to actively look, than you can always reconsider, and if you than adopt do it only if you get an healthy adoption allowens. Do not feel guilty saying no to a commitment what you never planned, this child had all those stable years in your house, you have given him that. single adopter of 2 sn boys, 13 and 7.

Thanks, they have been actively family finding for mths, it is hard to put us first but perhaps we should wait another 6 months and then revisit the dilemma if we need to. As for the boys moving out! Well eldest has high functioning asperders, able but very difficult, with lots of high anxieties. 19 yr old will prob go first but we will be there to support them all. Thanks again