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Simba never stops talking either, and does a lot of attention seeking stuff, I see it more as reassure seeking, 6 months is still such early days, she probably does still need a lot of reassurance. You say that the friends child gets more attention becuase of her age, but think younger for your child as well. Simba is approaching 9 but I see him more as a 5/6 year old. And to be honest most kids at that age talk a lot of drivel.It is exhausting as a singly, is she in school? I think I just accept that when Simba is at school, that is my time and space, I dont have any problem leaving the ironing, housework to go to the gym, watch trash TV or whatever because I need that time to recuperate. The rest of the time is his and yes at times it can be very hard work. I do get grumpy with him. I have been very grumpy the last day or so as its the first time I have felt propery poorly since he has ben here, but with the bank holiday and inset day today its been quite trying to say the least.You are both still adjusting to your new lives, remember you are doing a great job

My 5 yr old does this as well (so does my 14 yr old sometimes...)Like Serrakunda I get my space through school, and she also goes to after-school care. It's a long day but I need my sanity, plus she does enjoy it It might be too soon for your littly but worth bearing in mind.Also play dates, when littly is ready for them - my life has become much more peaceful since YD made friends with some other little girls in our complex and they spend all their spare time playing together.

Hi loopylouz, I have pm'd you. Xx

Hi, I have one like that and I see it this way: He is so empty inside, this is a hole I will never be able to fill because whatever I give it will never enough.So without any guilt I put bounderies in place.Sometimes I tell him not to talk for a while because I'm busy and need my attention. In the car is a good one, sorry with all the non stop talking I can not drive. I switch some music on to have something else to concentrate on.I spend a lot of quality time with him, for example he plays violin (around 1.5 to 2 hours every day), when we practise he's not allowed to talk about anything (else than the music). He's beautifully concentrated and collected when he plays.I also answer a question and when he asks again I say 'we have talked about this already'.My child starts school in Agust and at that time he has been fulltime with me for 18 months. I also have to tell you that he can not be unsupervised, so he's really with me until he goes to bed.It is alright actually for me, but I think that is because I do not give him attention every minute of the day. I 'book in' 3 or 4 hours quality time, the rest he just has to be with me but can play and do other things. During that time I might answer a question if it is genuine, I ignore the questions for the sake of questions.I believe that is enough, well not for him ofcourse as he needs 10 adults 24/7 and still his needs are not being met.I am not so sure if we give, give, give this will be beneficial to our children long term. For sure it makes 'us' annoyed, grumpy and maybe sick. I know they suffered so much but if you become sick because she drains you out this will be more damaging than putting some bounderies in place to keep YOU relaxed and happy.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude and please don't take offence but I've read and re-read your post and I can't see what the matter is with her chatter. Surely better than a quiet little thing who can't or won't express themselves. She obviously feels very comfortable with you. Please allow me to share a couple of things. I was (and still am) a right little chatterbox. But when I was younger there were a couple of times when adults commented on this with cries of "Blimey, don't you ever stop?!" or such like. Even at 49 I can still feel the burning embarrassment I felt then. It made me keep quiet (until we left their company) but also ashamed that I was showing up my Mum(who is very quiet). My, now adult, BD was allowed to chatter to her heart's content. With practice you can tune out to a lot of it. My AD came to us 8 months ago, before that she was with a loving FC for a year. The first 5 years of that child's life she was ignored or told to shut up. At 6 years old she had the vocabulary of a 3 year old. No one wanted to hear her, so she didn't bother talking. Now, she chatters incessantly. This is what we wanted, a happy child who engages with us. She also discloses a lot during these chatters which she won't talk about if sat down and questioned. I'd make the most of it.

I think there is a difference between 'healthy chatter', and the sort of behaviours children with attachment problems display. In my case I only can wish he would be a happy chatter, but unfortunally most of his talk is trying to controle people or the situation in one or other way. Or saying things he knows his brother will react to. I pressume if it is draining for the parent there is an unhealthy element, otherwhise you would not feel that way.

Hi thereThanks for your messages of support and honesty.I do appreciate that we all have different ways of doing things so I take all your comments on board. I am so new to all this that it is good to get some different points of view from people who've been there!Serrakunda...she is at school which does give me some space and I'm trying to do nice things for me like exercise and meet friends, which does help. I do know I need to think younger too.Pluto...I think you're right re boundaries and keeping myself well...I know I need to do this as did have post adoption depression when she was first placed and it made it so hard going.Slippertime...I agree with you that yes it's nice to have a chatterbox rather than a withdrawn child and this is one of the things that drew me to her. I don't want to stifle her chatter just want to find a way to tune out more without being blatantly ignorant towards her.Thanks againLoopy

Hi Loopy. I agree, it's good to come on here and get different views. After all, no story is the same. I think tuning out takes years, not months, of practice. That's certainly what my Mum and husband have said anyway.

My dd used to be the same when she was younger (the age your dd is now). It drove me insane sometimes - it really did!Things that helped me:1. Try looking at it from a different angle. She's attention needy - not attention seeking. That subtle difference really does help you cope better when reaching the end of your tolerance levels.2. I used to bring my dd's attention to the fact that she was chattering about nonsense, or asking the same question over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.... over and over and.... again (you take my point?). Then I'd tell her I knew this was because she didn't like silence (true for my dd - she talks to fill the silence - but you could fill in whatever is the true reason for you).Then we worked out a plan that, although I knew she had to chatter, I also knew it sometimes made me cross because I had already answered question X, or was trying to read my book, or cook tea or whatever. So, when dd was chattering to the point of annoying me, I'd just say to her "Chatter!"This was her signal to stop and think. And, even at age 5 it did stop her, she thought and would begin speaking again straight away - but would try and not chatter but actually have a proper conversation.Over the years, it helped dd to actually engage with people, rather than talk for the sake of it.I also did evolve a method of just stopping listening to her. I'd make the odd acknowledgement to her questions occasionally etc, but wasn't really listening to her. DD knew this, but it didn't bother her, as long as I wasn't actually ignoring her.Even now I tune out of her chatter. She still chatters away - and she's 14 now! The only difference is that she's now often making more sense when she chats!For the other things - the seeking of reassurance you're watching her play, or looking for attention if others are getting it but not her - I would just ensure I gave her a little wave, or a special signal whenever she looked over. Dd needed to know I hadn't forgotten her, so I just ensured she knew I hadn't. Just a small wink, wave , smile or whatever would reassure her.For the attention when others were getting it, if she was near, I'd ensure I was touching her somewhere while the other child/adult got attention. So I'd touch her head, or her arm - or I'd smile at her if I was talking on the phone. Just little signs to show her I hadn't forgotten she existed, even tough she wasn't the focus of my attention.It took a long time, but dd gradually began to realise that she wasn't forgotten just because she wasn't the focus of my attention at all times, and she became less needy. (although she is still attention needy, even all these years later - just less so, and less obviously so).

Oh, constant talking! We have that from ours.In the early days I would sometimes say 'I can hear you' or 'you're on the toilet' (the boys ALWAYS called out for a chat when they went to the toilet, possibly because they couldn't see me), rather than responding to their nonsense questions, and that seemed to satisfy them, and meant I could avoid talking nonsense myself or answering the same question over and over.Now, almost four years in, I do say 'I've already answered that' or 'see if you can work that out for yourself'.But our best solution has been to replace mindless questions with humming or little songs. That's a pretty personal solution, though, and only works because I don't find constant humming annoying.When you live with people, even if they are family, there has to be a bit of give and take and compromise. If you find something annoying, I think you need to do something about it before it taints your relationship.So, good luck finding a compromise that works for you. I would guess that your little one needs to be sure that you are thinking about her all the time. And you need quiet sometimes. Both needs are important!

Hi, my sister, who's a primary school teacher, suggested one method which works well with my little (nearly 6, been placed with me for 5 months)."Quiet Mummy Time". I tell littly I need a bit of quiet mummy time, to drink a cup of tea, read a book, relax etc. Littly isn't allowed to talk to me or sit on my lap, but she can be in the same room, play quietly with her things or even sit next to me and read her own book. Littly is a bit fixated on timings and at first would ask when the Quiet Mummy Time would end. However, I don't give her a time otherwise she would be constantly clock-watching. The first few times, it was 5-10 minutes and I always make a big deal of thanking her for being so good and letting me have some quiet time. At first, she did try and negotiate that Quiet Mummy Time could be me reading her a story, but I stressed that no talking was allowed. She will now quite happily let me have up to 30 minutes peace and quiet - and now that she does, I find I don't need it so much! The other day I had a throbbing headache and littly suggested QMT would help me to feel better. The other value to this idea (and the reason my sister suggested it) is that it helps at school. Littly was so used to having my undivided attention from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to bed - the concern was that she would struggle when she went back to school to be able to work on her own. We talk about working time at school being a little bit like QMT, because teacher sometimes needs Quiet Teacher Time so that she can help the other children. It works for us, it might be worth a try?