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saying hello again

Jet May 6, 2019 18:44

Hi

I hope this site can be useful for us again although it was a lot of effort to get on.

My Grandchildren are aged 6-22 and provide endless entertainment and also worry at times. I think being part of their lives since they were born has been a privilege for me and at times reminds me how hard it was for their parent's being adopted.

Edited 17/02/21
peartree May 6, 2019 23:29

Hello Jet! Good to hear from you. I have found my way through to the forum after some set up hiccoughs.

For those who don’t know we adopted 2 children in the early 00’s who were 6&4 when they arrived. We had considerable difficulties with them and when I found the forum (original version) I was astounded to find hundreds of families facing similar.

my older adoptee partridge is now 23. He’s working at the chippy but living with toxic Gf. he's got his first car recently and remains part of the family. Loosely being in touch seems to work for him. We are hoping he remains childless with GF which having been childless and known that pain ourselves is an odd thing to say. But GF is a risk and Partridge isn’t much more capable- but he is at least caring.

our younger adoptee blossom would be 21 now. She was always the more traumatised of the two and her behaviour became so extreme she had to move to therapeutic community aged 12. Things continued to be extreme and we don’t have any contact now. We understand Blossom had a baby and she isn’t with baby and that baby is likely to have been adopted. Sad, but there it is.

We had a bc who is 11. She is called Pip.

Like Jet we come on the forum from time to time.

Edited 17/02/21
Allie November 24, 2020 17:31

Hello I think I remember some of your names from long ago...I am just coming to terms that my ad will never be like us. She has set herself apart from us emotionally at such a long age. We have been through so much with her and sadly the situation is not better at all. She thrives on drama And loves the bad boys. As she gets older now 24 scars are building up over scars..she is pretty fragile..unable to cope with her daughter at times ( she is my only hope, we absolutely adore that child) and have became involved in a big part of her childhood.) I know only too well she will be held against me in the arguments we have. This time I want her to stay in her flat, she causes havoc back at home, being very lazy, argumentative you know what it’s like. She demands a lot..

I am pretty convinced she is bi polar, she went for counselling few times and is constantly arguing with people. I am finding it very hard to say nice things about her and I hate myself for that. She can be a good wee mum at times my Grandaughter adores her and she can be quite chatty and very likeable in small doses. I feel unhappy that she has never found peace in her life, she has blamed being adopted for everything. I had severe Attachment problems with her growing up, she never connected with me T all, hated me could not wait to tell me to f... off when she was 16 and dissappear. I want her to be happy in her life. I love that she has gave me her daughter she often says there mum you have with her that you can never have with me ..so she knows.

I am sorry to say if I could turn the clock back I would not do it again..not just for us but for her sake, we tried so,any times if I knew I would make her this unhappy no way it was not worth it.

Edited 17/02/21
onlineteamAUK November 25, 2020 11:40

Hi Allie,

If you would like, please contact our Helpline team and one of our skilled advisors will be happy to discuss your situation and answer your questions in more detail. You can email them on or call them on 0300 666 0006 available Monday to Thursday 10.00am - 2.30pm and Friday 10.00am - 12.30pm (excluding bank holidays).

You will hopefully also get some further advice and support from the Forum's knowledgeable users.

Edited 17/02/21

Best wishes,
Andrew
Online Team AUK

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