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Support in school
Milly
October 22, 2011 12:24
This may seem strange and ungrateful to many of you, but after a meeting with school yesterday, we are really upset to have found that dd (year 6) has been given one to one support virtually all the time she is at school - she hasn''t got a statement and doesn''t meet the criteria for one. DD herself is very ambivalent about it - hating the fact it is there, but feeling she needs help. We have always known she finds it hard to manage independently at school, and that she panics if she thinks work is too hard - which she tends to without even checking what is involved. She obviously has a huge emotional block about it. At home she can work independently - sometimes she needs support to start or get her over the bits she''s not sure of. (Her intellectual capacity is fine and she actually understands the work pretty well)In previous years she has had support but not to this level. In fact she made great strides last year and we now feel it has all gone backwards. We know she is beginning to suffer over the prospect of moving to secondary school next year, but I don''t think this is the only or main reason for her finding school harder this term. Her behaviour has deteriorated and I feel her teacher so far hasn''t been bothered (or maybe won''t) to work out how to manage and support her properly. And that her approach and pride in her ''strictness'' is actually causing dd''s problems and loss of confidence. She (the teacher) is someone I don''t really take to, unlike many of the other teachers there and I sense her lack of interest in dealing with a child who will probably not be able to get the right SAT results.Now we did make our views clear yesterday and pulled the teacher up over several aspects of her practice that we feel is unhelpful for dd - and of course, things may change, and the meeting was positive, we felt we were being listened to. But I can''t get over feeling devastated that dd needs this support to this extent. I can''t see that her secondary school will be able to provide anything like this, though the one she should get into has a good reputation for special needs.I don''t know whether we should simply accept this overwhelming emotional need of dd to have loads of attention or try and wean her away from it. At home we can see she has matured a lot recently - obviously not to the level of her chronological age, but it''s depressing to see how independent and responsible she can be at home, but how she can''t translate this outside.My other niggle is that her ADHD meds may simple not be effective enough anymore but her psychiatrist refuses to consider putting up the dose - should we seek another opinion privately? It feels like dd is back to the year 2 child she was prior to getting her meds, overly dependent on adult attention. Or am I wrong to dismiss the idea of transition to secondary school as being able to cause all this regression?Just feeling so frazzled about it all, and am losing sleep over it. Anyone got any thoughts to help me?
freddie2
October 22, 2011 12:48
Am afraid I am not in a position to give you any advice, but just wanted to send you my support really. Reading your posts in the past your ad had always reminded me a lot of my ad, although she is a lot younger.My ad too is lovely at home - really no problem - but at school it all seems to crumble I am afraid. I am not sure why - may stem from developmental trauma or a learning difficulty, or something else...Last year we had an awful teacher - strict old school - who got very frustrated by ad's non compliance. We saw some progress - but it wasn't a great year, and we all found it highly stressful. I gave her all the resources - Louise Bomber etc - but she was pretty entrenched in her style and i don't think she had the emotional intelligence or genuine will to change.This year we have a much better teacher - her son has adhd so she gets things more, and has had many sleepless nights herself (her son is now grown up and doing really well). We're making more progress, but i know things aren't right -- i expect they never will be, but am determined to get ad the right type of school (we're moving her next year) and support to make things as easy as possible for her.Have been recommended an educational psychologist, who happens to be a friend of Louise Bomber, who am seeing next month. Having spoke to her on the phone, she really gets the issues, so am hoping she can help. I asked her on the phone what type of school would suit our ad - and her answer was that we really need to get to the bottom of what her issues are - i expect that is going to be easier said than done as she is a complex little girl...But am hopeful that this will be a step in the right direction.You may well i expect have trodden this road already (i expect so) but i wonder whether it would be worth getting a second opinion from an ed Psych particularly in view of this recent regression and the question of secondary schools??I also wouldn't under estimate the impact a class teacher can make as i am sure you know being in the profession yourself. I have a friend with two adopted daughters who had a truly awful year the year before last with a strict teacher who made her ad feel so much shame - last year, with a sympathetic teacher who got the issues, she has become a different person and has done SO much betterTake care xx
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Donatella
October 23, 2011 10:23
I think this is a bit of a scary year - bigly's in the same year and he's already started the transition process to high school. In fact, we had our first meeting/presentation this week and, for me, it's really scary picturing my little boy wandering around a huge school - even one that he is very familiar with as it's on the same campus and he's currently being taught there anyway! At the moment he doesn't appear to have any fears or worries about it - some of 6th formers spent sometime with his class and he came out of it very enthused - whether that will last is a different thing. Do you think you/dd will feel happier once you both know more about the school, it's ethos etc. I felt happier once the transition process had been explained to me.I too recognise what you say about her panicking about word and deciding beforehand that she can't do it. We absolutely get that with bigly, particularly when it comes to maths because he just doesn't get numbers. We were also surprised to learn that he needed additional help with his reading in school - surprised because we were unaware that he had any problems. But we were of the opinion that if he needed the help then at least - for a change - we weren't having to get down on bended knees and beg for it. We've seen improvements as bigly's confidence has grown. It seems to have come about in phases - phase 1 was when he had no confidence in his own ability and had a huge fear of failure, phase 2 when he became a cocky know all and was a right pain to live with (he had a terrible school report last year - but that's a whole different subject!) and now phase 3, with the right encouraging teachers, he seems to be settling down to a level of self confidence which is appropriate. He doesn't think he knows it all and is happy to accept help. I actually think having some outside activities which he's good at has helped here - he's been playing rugby for a local team and has been picked for the school team and it's grown his confidence.Don't know whether any of this sounds familiar to you?
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FehrScaper
October 24, 2011 10:24
I would say don't underestimate the effect that the impending transition to secondary school can have.At dd's primary, they started mentioning the transition from the very first term - so she had a year of almost constant reminders that she was changing school, added to the stress of SATS.It does have an effect, and could be the reason behind a lot of the regression - although it sounds like the teachers could also be causing some of the problems as well.
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SallyDon
October 24, 2011 17:20
My son has just started secondary school. Have to say, whole of Year 6 was very difficult due to SATs and looming change of school. New school did lots of transition work with him which has helped a lot.
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Rosie100
October 24, 2011 23:17
I agree with what others have said. I think she is probably worrying about the transition. MY dd is also in year 6 and finding it very difficult. Her self esteem at school seems to have regressed and she is already worrying about the transition.This is apparent in her behaviour; which always deteriorates when she is anxious.I think the teachers also expect childrento be more mature and responsible in year 6. When I spoke to her teacher last week she said they keep reminding the children that next year they will have to be more grown up, as no one will remind them about things etc. I realised also that without consciously doing it we have been saying similar things about being more grown up at home. She has reverted to very babyish behaviour at home, so I guess we need to be careful not to put pressure on her here too.The teacher also said that every year someone from LEA comes in and works with children who may find the transition difficult and told me dd will probably be included in that group. Apparently they discuss changing schools and any worries they have and have some contact with them once at secondary school. It might be worth asking if your school has any such groups that your daughter could be included in.Once you know the school she is definately going to you could make contact with Senco or person delegated to pastoral care of new children and discuss your concerns.I think year 6 is a difficult year for many children; but when a child is emotionally younger it is harder still for them to cope. The other night my dd did a lot of tasks for herself that I usually nag about, without being asked and proudly told me how grown up she must be getting; she then burst into tears and said'It's so hard being grown up all the time.'This summed up for me how anxious she is.Maybe now you have discussed things with the teacher and you say she seemed to be listening she will change her approach to dd which may help her feel a little more confident.
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Milly
October 29, 2011 13:03
Thanks all. I agree that transition is a big thing for her. As it's half term we have had a few chats about it - heartbreakingly she told me she was sure she'd end up with loads of detentions because she is 'bad'. We have come up with a list of points we are concerned about re what's happening at school which we are going to email to head and senco, and then ask for a follow up meeting.Meanwhile I have decided I have to help her overcome some of her fears re work at home, as her self esteem has sunk to an all time low. Amazingly, I have been able to convince her that we need to read together every day - I had more or less given up due to her resistance and the fact she can actually read perfectly well, she just dislikes doing so.
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Milly
November 6, 2011 18:39
Quick update. Had another meeting with Head and senco - Head great (and put senco in her place!) and totally agreed with our concerns. (He wasn't around much before half term as he was working outside school a lot of the time)The planned support is, as it was in year 5, to move dd on academically as she has fallen behind but is hopefully able to achieve level 4 in the SATs (we're happy with that aim). The head knew nothing about additional support except for an eye being kept on dd at break due to several incidents between her and a friend (whose parents have made a fuss, hence the response - nothing too awful has actually happened!)So we're back to thinking the class teacher has used the class TA to focus more on dd than anyone else, as dd has been unsettled due to the class teacher's handling of her - and we think the senco has been covering this up.Anyway school are following up some points and dd has been much more relaxed since half term (and hasn't mentioned secondary school for a while). It's also clear the TA has backed off a bit so dd's not feeling so much under pressure. She has continued to let me help her with reading and maths at home - with only the odd outburst, so I am feeling more positive at the moment. Long may it last...
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Rosie100
November 6, 2011 23:37
Glad to hear things are more positive at the moment, and you had useful meeting with the head and senco.
Edited 17/02/2021
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