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Hi Nicky Waiting for a match is so hard! After months of regular contact with your social worker everything goes quiet and it's like your life is on hold waiting for the phone to ring with news. Our social worker was lovely and I didn't want to keep ringing her for updates when I knew how busy she was. She would always reassure us that they were looking for us but it didn't make it any easier. One thing I particularly found difficult was friends and family asking me almost every day if we'd heard anything!! Anyway, that's just to express that I definitely know how you feel!! What really helped me is carrying on with my life and not thinking about it constantly. Doing things that we used to do but had put on hold with all the prep we'd done. When I was feeling like nothing was happening I'ddo some research so I felt that I was still doing something adoption related. Reminding myself regularly that our child was out there. We actually didn't wait too long for a match, about 8 months from approval to LO coming home but it felt a lot longer at the time!! Now it feels like she's always been here.Your child will be out there, keep positive and enjoy some time together while you wait. I'm sure that more experienced posters will be along with advice on how to increase your chances of getting a match (adoption link etc). Good luck x x

Thank you so much for your reply, it really has helped so thanks again x Its nice to hear that other people have been where we are now and have got through and have a happy family now, i can only hope it happens for us along the same timeline period as for you x thanks so much again :-)

I just wanted to say that your experience of life changing messages in an email is something I can really relate to. I have been receiving emails (short, one liners) that change our whole families future, with no acknowledgement of the nature of the message being sent or the impact. We have had our lives changed and changed back and changed again, made worse by different team members giving different information and people not communicating. We know that good communication methods don't change the outcome, we can equip ourselves to deal with the sadness of things not working out, but we should not have the journey made more difficult by a service that is not equipped or prepared to deal with the 'humanness' of the process. When a placement is overturned it is like being told (in a line of text) that you have miscarried. It is that brutal. I do not consider email and then no further support to be the appropriate method for this. While I have empathy for your experiences I am not wanting to just moan, i hope to suggest that we can influence how things are done, as this might improve things for us all. I am sure like me, you don't want to hold a grudge or lay blame, i know people are busy and resource is tight. I do suggest that you constructively feedback though. Professionals are changing our futures everyday, it is their jobs but it is our lives. We need to ensure this isn't forgotten and that we are working collaboratively, with excellent communication in place, so we can ensure the best outcomes for children whilst minimising the pain for the adults involved. The content wont change but the nature of the delivery of the news can be handled so much better and ensure people can move through the adoption process with as much support, information and choice as is possible in such a complex process. It is so worth the journey but let's make the journey as positive as is possible.