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Congratulations on being approved and I hope the homecoming goes smoothly for you. I don't have experience of this myself but hopefully someone will reply who does. Meanwhile there are resources on the archive here that would be worth sifting through possibly. You may find the search word "kinship" finds families experiences, although "special guardian" is used much more nowadays. Another rich resource is the family rights group discussion board for family and friends carers at https://www.frg.org.uk/FandFCForum/

Hi I am in the process of potentially adopting twins related to me. I have not even started and already panicking. I am single and no family in the UK, so I am wondering if this will go against me? My twins have only me and have to be with me?

PG

Are you trying to adopt children who currently live outside the UK?

Yes I am. They are in India. I am stressed with it even before it starts. They are my niece and nephew abandoned by parents sadly :-(

PG that's very sad and a difficult situation for you. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice on adopting from abroad but as a single adopter this is what I would normally say to prospective single adopters.

Support is really important - it doesnt have to be family. My family are great, adore my son but too far away for practical support. Twins will be incredibly hard work, you will have to show that you have support around you, and that you are willing to seek out support.

Finance - how will you support two children? Can you fund a decent amount of adoption leave - here SWs usually look for a year. You will need it.

Work - can you continue to work, can you afford to go part time, is your employer flexible/family friendly.

What will you do for childcare?

Home - do you have stable accommodation with room for two children.

Don't underestimate the huge impact this will have on your life, emotionally, physically and practically. I'm not trying to put you off, there are lots of single adopters about. We all make it work, but it is tough

Good luck

Hiya. thank you for this. I am already involved in my kid life as I have visited several times and spent time with them. They know me - so that's a positive.

In terms of support my friend of 20 years has decided to support me. He will move in and we are going to jointly care for the kids. He will offer practical support. However I need to move as the place I live in is bad for kids. I need to find local support. Once kids are here i will get support in the school etc. but my worry is if the social worker will accept this or say I need support now and here. How do I get this support? I looked at some resources online but cannot find anything. Due to Covid many places are closed?

REgarding work I will get 12 months adoption leave and I can go permanent. I have a very family friendly employer - they will bend down backwards. i work for a council so thats not an issue.

In terms of finances - I am middle class and work in a good job. So that's not an issue

Home - I am planning to rent a 2 bedroom in the new area and rent for now. If my kids are 2 to 3 years when they arrive - will they be allowed to share a bedroom for now? Eventually I will have to sell my current home and buy in the new place. This will be medium term though and will take time.

These are my children so I have to make it work - hook or crook. I am wondering the assessing SW can see this?

If i was pregnant and gave birth to twins there would be no questions asked! I would walk out of hospital!

That sounds like a very good friend. You do realise they will have to be assessed as well.

How do you envisage it working - co parents? Live in nanny type support, who makes the decisions, what if you disagree about parenting? Do you intend living as a family or is he a lodger who helps out? How will you work the finances. I'm not expecting you to answer any of this but social workers will.

Support comes in many forms, emotional and practical. Think about how you will cover different scenarios - school holiday cover, what if you are I'll, get stuck at work children need to be in two places at the same time. Who are you going to have a whinge to, cry with, laugh with ?

He is my ex and we have known each other for 20 years plus. Adore each other. This is what I am trying to figure out. I want the adoption order in my name. Decision maker ME alone. He will offer practical hands on support. I need to move away and he has agreed to move with me. I am wondering if he will be allowed to live with me as a lodger? Ideally I can do a joint tenancy but now sure if then they will want to assess him? I dont mind checks like CRB for him but he is not a joint adopter.

I have family back home i am close to. So the winging and calling and on call guidance is from my mom and dad. I have one more friend here who can provide support in an emergency I am close to. Apart from that not a lot I can report on. I am trying to find any parent support groups in the area I want to move to, but nothing seems to be there! Once I am part of school life changes and I know I will make similar friends etc. and my network will broaden. Will SW be smart enough to accept that?

To be honest, this does sound very complicated, expect SWs to be quite thorough about this.

If he is moving in specfically to support you then I'd be very surprised if he was not assessed. SWs arent keen on lodgers, every adopter I know who had a lodger had to have them out, before a child was placed, including me

Also SWs might wonder if his motives are purely to support you with the adoption - not saying they’re not - just that you / he might be challenged and need to be clear on your own mind. Even if he’s not living with you I think it’s quite likely they’ll want to assess him if he’s playing any major part - but why would that be a problem? Makes it clearer for everyone - even if you adopt as a single person just in your name. My mother in law lived with us and had to be assessed as someone else in the house who might also babysit - but it was much shorter and straight forward than ours - only one session I think

Hi both of you - thank you for the responses. Its not that I dont want him to be assessed - he does not want to go through the entire process. If it is "but it was much shorter and straight forward than ours - only one session I think" then he will be fine. A CRB and refrence, ask several questions is fine. He just does not want to be grilled like I will. If he has to be he will agree, but ideally not. I am just querying if people think he will be?

Also can he be a lodger with me?

If the babies are 18 months now how many rooms will they need - legally speaking?

Only the agency can tell you what they require and will permit

but I would assume he will need to be assessed.

thing is he isnt just a lodger is he? He is an ex partner who is willing to move with you to specifically support the adoption of these children. His role is not clear at all. Its a very different situation to a grandparent -the role there is clear.

Have you considered going back to India and living there for a year with the twins? You would have domestic help and nanny to care for the kids at very affordable rate and be able to work at the same time. Do the adoption in India and come come back to the uk in 1-2 years time. All the kids would need than is a visa/ British passport to come to the uk.

I am considering it, but not sure I can afford it. The immigration is the issue. Life is better in India in some ways, but I wont find work there and my home is here.

Hi.. This is a response after a while. SquareUp2020, not sure if you are still around! My life has been complicated more than I deserve! I did go to India last year, as soon as the pandemic allowed me to. I spent 4 months and decided wont come back without my kiddos! But I could not afford it. Got into overdraft so had to be back. I have visited once after and going in another 3 weeks again. This is a real situation with me being torn apart. Kids are there, my heart is there, but I need the money - for them - be it. I dont have any other source of financial help either. I paid 3 solicitors and down 3.5 grand alredy with no (sorry bloody) progress. I dont know how long this will take. My parents are getting uwell (due to their age). I am paying for a nanny to help, but still they are two 2 year olds and they are struggling. Any knows anyone who has been through this hell - or a solicitor or barrister with a human side - heart - conscience? Who can sort this out?

Have you been in touch with the organisation that advises on overseas adoption (can’t remember the name) or AUK? My understanding is it differs from country to country and you might need to go through the adoption process in both countries depending on various countries treaties. A solicitor would need to be specialist so a recommendation from one of these organisations might be best for that too

I have explored everything. I think you are talking about IAC. I have called at least 50 if not 100 solicitors and paid 3 to get advise and the process is still not started. As its complex many solicitors dont know what they are doing either I think!

what exactly is the problem? The IAC looks like it has a very comprehensive section on India.

The IAC does have a comprehensive section on India, but there are issues as - the process will cost me 18 to 20,000, as children are related there are problems as well and lastly my situation is complex to have an assessment etc. I dont want to go through the rigorous adoption process ever in my life. Meanwhile I am going to be seperated from my children who are away and my parents struggling.