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My AS also removed at birth will lie to cover up the shame of doing something. Not sure if this is the case with your AD.

Regarding the stealing just wondering if she knows why she is doing it. Is it connected to the fact that sibling is getting different things? If it is, would it help to offer something special or have same thing available for her too. Is she checking she is noticed, especially at this time of year when she may feel anxious? If the reason is more complicated hopefully someone with similar experience may have other suggestions.

I am sorry you are dealing with this at Christmas.

5 is still very young. She has no control over this behaviour and she also does not understand the real life consequences, so you need to reframe this as "taking something" not as "stealing". This will also help you when you think about it.

For your daughter wanting and needing are mixed up, her understanding of reality is very shaky and she has poor impulse control. Those three together make it almost impossible for her not to take something. On top of that. for your daughter the dietary needs of her sibling look as if you love her sibling more. Her sibling gets special, nurturing attention and she doesn't. That is difficult for a 5 year old and I would have lots of chats about that and reassure her. Maybe she could prepare some things with you for her sibling, so she gets something out of these dietary needs as well?

I would also look for signs of an avoidant attachment style. One of my daughter's found it very hard to be close to me, so each time she felt we were becoming too close, she would upset me by stealing things.

I would make sure she always has enough food (raw veg are good, because they look large and are healthy, their crunchiness also helps with sensual input) and would work on things like learning to feel when she is full and try to make a difference between feeling hungry and other feelings that might manifest as hunger (eg. worry) and talk about wanting and needing something.This is good (short) advice I think:

https://thechildpsychologyservice.co.uk/advice-strategy/stealing/

Helpful books to read are Sarah Naish's "The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting" and "Real Parents, real children" by Holly van Gulden. Gulden offers explanations for feelings and behaviours by age and Naish offers strategies on how to handle behaviours such as stealing.

Also Bryan Post The Great Behaviour Breakdown. This sort of thing is very common - and as said above often complex reasons. Well done Chestnuttree for spotting the link - I have failed to do that - but my children have always taken things - including money as they got older - and it often needs strategies like never leaving a purse unattended - keeping everything under lock and key as you are now doing with the food. Food again very closely linked to attachment issues (need for / lack of nurturing and needs being met) Again lots of information / strategies in the archives for various age groups and senarios.

I had not thought as Chestnut tree either and had read AD5 as a fifth child rather than age. I recall at a similar age AS taking a sweet from our local shop. We returned it for him and explained the situation.

At home however he has often 'borrowed' things of ours which we have found in his room. Likewise he sometimes leaves something of his in our room.

Regarding behavioural issues I wonder if this is related to anxiety with school or particular times that are less structured. We started keeping a diary related to difficult behavior which showed links to school and particular times. This proved to be very useful when we later applied for an EHCP.

Thank you for your answers. AD5 is definitely not stealing out of jealousy against youngest. There are other siblings and youngest is the only one with dietary needs. Youngest is often sad as she can't have the same things the others can and her versions generally don't taste great. Also the others get normal treats that youngest can't have while youngest is napping.

The taking things has been going on for a while starting at school (but not food based there) and since my last post she has taken things from her grandparents (again not food but they are upset by it).

As well as food she has gone into her brother's bedroom and taken quite a few of his Christmas gifts and opened new games damaging some in the process. Even when he cries she shows no remorse. He is so upset and now wants a bedroom lock. We are considering putting key locks on all doors to enable us to keep her out of certain rooms but I wasn't sure if this was the right way to go? I feel sad having to do this but her siblings are so frustrated with her now.

I will look into those books you mention.