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Beginner
Eva-Jane
November 28, 2009 14:50
Hello. Just trying to get started on this message boarding business and finding it quite hard, but desperately need support. I am a single parent who adopted two children 20 years ago. My son was very tiny and my daughter was one year old. We have been a reasonably happy family but now my daughter is showing some attachment problems which I hadn''t been properly aware of, and is being very hostile towards me. I am finding this unbearably painful. I feel so guilty - surely if I had been a good enough parent, all these wounds would have healed over the years? I feel so inadequate. And so sad. Is this a phase? We used to be so close. Now she is fighting every one, has lost all her friends and is in trouble at work. I want to help but I can''t ever get it right. Now she wants me to leave her alone. My heart aches for her because I know she is as unhappy as I am.What can I do? Eva-Jane
nomad
November 28, 2009 16:35
hi Eva-Janewelcome to the boardsyou might get some more replys on this if you post it on the adopters or adopters of older children boards.Sorry I can't help you, mine are still young, but sending you hugs and thinking of youbest wishesNomad
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nomad
November 28, 2009 16:36
sorry I meant parents of older adoptees boardthere are plenty of people on there who will understand where you are coming fromNomad
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Darcy
November 29, 2009 09:22
Hello Eva Jane,Welcome to these boards. You are not alone. We adopted two children. One is now nearly 21 and the other nearly 20. We have had massive problems with our son, who buggered off when he was 15 because he cannot take boundries or authority, and our daughter nearly 21 is living with a low life scumbag and got invloved with the wrong crowd, and buggered off when she was 19 and a half.It does not matter whether you have had them from babies or later on, many of our chidren have often hidden and various problems which stem from trauma and abuse as youngsters, and even in the womb.Please keep sharing your experiences as we are all here to help you. Please join the parents of loder adoptees board where there is great support.Love Darcy xx
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Darcy
November 29, 2009 09:23
Sorry that should read older.Love Darcy xx
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gimli
November 29, 2009 13:26
hi you have my sypathy as darcy has said it doesent matter what age they come ,somtime's the damage is already done.you dident do it it was already there just waiting to find a way out.without your love and suport she may of been struggling from a much younger age.hang in there.xxx
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Eva-Jane
November 29, 2009 22:47
Thank you for all these responses - so quick too! I feel reassured to hear that I am not alone, and that it is not all my fault. Can't hear it too often! I will go on the older children's message board as well.So glad I found this resource xxxx
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