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Hi,Not sure I understand your post Garnet? Are you saying that all we focus on is hair and skin care? Don't really get what you are saying.

Are they asking you how to care for black childrens hair?

Pluto I don't think she is talking about the SW's, I think she is saying that all we seem to focus on on the BME board is hair and skin care. That's why I asked her to clarify what she means.

Still no reply from Garnet. Bit pointless starting a topic and then refusing to enter into any kind of discussion.

I should clarity my initial post. And sorry jmk that i did not continue with posting straight away as I lost internet access. And in no way am i being critical of this board as find it to be a great access to support. certainly has helped me.I am hoping to get to panel shortly after completing my home study period. My sw worker has suggested that I need to consider further issues surrounding adopting a black or dual hertitage child as i could be asked this at panel. When i asked my sw to clarify assuming she meant the impotance of identity, culture, customs/practices, and possible prejudice and discrimination etc etc she instead talked about managing hair/skin care and ensuring the child is fed food that relects their cultural background. My sw suggested i review this board to link with other single adopters for advice and to share their experience. Hence my post. I am now wondering if i have missed something and would welcome any advice. I should say on my preparation group i was the only non white member and I do not have any links with anyone of bme background who has adopted.Finally i do know how to care for black hair {did hair dressing in a previous life]

When we discussed the issue with our SW she was focussing more on understanding what it is like to stand out, how to deal with discrimination. Which is more relevant for our daughter - her oriental looks did stand out in her previous all white school, and she was teased at times. Giving her an understanding of her birth father's background (who has never featured in her life) is something we can do gradually in our own time; dealing with comments that people make needs to be done there and then.Maybe it varies between SWs!

Welcome back Garnet Sorry if I misunderstood your post, it's just that it looked as if you were saying we didn't focus on anything else but hair and skin care and then you dissappeared, so it looked like a critism.I fully understand dodgy internet as I have been a victim of it in the past but have now changed to a better provider.I am hugely interested to hear that you, a black lady, were being lectured to by SS about caring for a black/mixed childs hair. I thought that lecture was saved for us white mothers. I'm curious, was SW black or white? To be honest it is a bit patronising to lecture you on the subject whatever her colour.The reason I have posted information on haircare on here is because when I adopted my two DD's 10 years ago, I did not have a clue how to look after their hair. My DH was black and had afro hair himself, but his Dad died when he was 4 and his Mum didn't keep in touch with his Dad's side of the family (originally from Africa). His Mum was of Indian descent with straight asian hair, as do all of her family, so she had no idea how to care for or style afro hair, so I couldn't ask her for advice. Being a black lady you will have grown up caring for your own hair and having your Mum or Aunties show you what to do. I had to learn from the internet and from asking other black mums, so I decided to start some posts on here to share the things I found out, to help other new Mums with their LO's haircare.I was hoping some black Mums would join in with advice and haircare tips, but I don't think there are too many on here, so a big welcome to you and looking forward to hearing your advice and tips.We do talk about other things too in relation to bringing up our mixed race children, but sometimes that is done by pm and may not be so obvious on the boards.Hopefully your LO will be with you soon and we'll see more of you on the boards.

HelloWe had to write an essay on this for matching panel and were asked questions about it . Think they wanted evidence that we had considered these issues - , we talked about that we lived in mixed area , with shops/ restaurants of relevant cultural, family members who had relevant cultural links to provide food, story's etc ,language classes available, that Elmo would be at school with children from many backgrounds and that we had personal experience of dealing with prejudice and racism - so would be able to talk to him about dealing with this.To be honest I just think they wanted to know we had considered these issues , they did not ask about haircare at matching panel but did ask about food -in reality he likes traditional English food as this is what he was used to in foster care Hope all goes well for youElma

no but they do fesature at the forefront usually becasue such children are often placed with white foster families who do not know about braiding and oiling the hair etc.... they also want culture to be reflected in everyday activites eg music, stories... etc.... the ironic thing is my lo is english by birth so she is bored with/ does not understand the black stories from far away places .....

I have found the hair care posts very interesting/helpful especially the home made products for natural hair. I can easily get black hair care advice but there are so many products and methods used, it can be overwhelming. Within my family and friends there is no one 'fix all' product, as there is no one hair type! My LO had a black FC and her hair was...not good, so feel like I'm starting from scratch. So although hair is obviously not the main issue for BME children, I have found it to be a bigger issue than I thought in terms of my child's self esteem.

Hi Garnet,As a black female it is surprising that you are being asked to go into detail surrounding hair and skin care as I assume that you have managed just fine looking after your own skin and hair up to this point.We were asked where we would go to get our son's hair cut and his skincare routine is simple.He has his hair short and he likes it this way- he is not too keen when it gets long and the haircare routine is taking more than 2 minutes!Maybe when he is older he may like to try out different styles.Our black friends who have girls spend a lot more time on hair and it seems that there is not one hair type- different products and care do not suit all hair types.I too thought the focus on hair and skincare was reserved for the white mummies parenting black children but seems I was wrong!Good luck on your journey.

Our house is dual heritage and as such we haven't had any issues yet as our lifestyle just integrates so much of LO's culture anyway.But I have really enjoyed reading JMK's posts and hair recipes and as this is the only forum I regularly go on its been nice to get this info here too.Any other issues I have needed to talk through have been more 'adoption' related and not specifically BME ones and the other boards get more traffic so I post on there more.But welcome Garnet141!! Good luck on your journey and on bringing your family together :o)Funnily enough our SWs did talk about hair alot!! I have two bc boys who have short styles, maybe they didn't trust I could cope with my Lo's hair?? And maybe it was because I am white and the cliche is that we can't do afro hair and maybe that's why we have talked about it a lot on here??They seemed satisfied that we could care for her identity and sense of self, reflecting her culture etc etc. But with no evidence of girl's hair experience to comment on this became a hot topic?!!M