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Social services have stopped talking to us

jazziemo September 2, 2009 20:02
Hi, I am new to the boards but have been following people progress for about a year and a half and many of your success stories have kept me going (]... Myself and partner were approved in April this year 100% approval from the panel. We have gone through the process with a local authority, and the social worker who went through our home study with us only took us to panel, once we were approved we were appointed a new social worker and on her first visit came with a potential match. We were given some information from our social worker who played down some things such as drinking by the child''s mother during pregnancy, to the point of saying there was no issue. When we had our meeting with the child''s social worker, their manager and our family finding social worker it was a disaster, we were so under prepared for the meeting and her questions, it was horrible, also the drinking in pregnancy was all of a sudden made into a massive issue. It was partly our fault and our social workers, but we did not know what to expect. We have had a feed-back meeting and have taken on board all their comments and are looking at moving forward, they did however ask whether we felt we had been set up, which we felt we had, they said that they will outline on what we need to do to proceed/progress further. This was 7 weeks ago I have tried to get in contact with them on various occasions by email/phone and keep getting fobbed off with ''we are working on a draft proposal of the way forward'' and ''will be in contact shortly''. We have been given a rough idea of what was wrong 1) we need to get to know more Lesbian and Gay parents this is easily done by joining a local group, which we did try and join before we went to panel but were told we could not until we had been matched then at the above feedback meeting we were told we should of joined ages ago. 2) we need to have a better understanding of how our life will change if we adopt a child (this stemmed from a me wanting to return back to work part-time in the second year of having a child placed with us, we need to do this for financial reasons) I can take the first year off no problem. 3) they have said that we need more child care experience with young children (we have spent nearly a year looking after a friend''s little boy every other week at the weekend, also we spent 8 months working with the wildlife trust helping them to get children involved and interested in wildlife) Any other suggestion''s or advice on how we can gain more experience considering we both work full time and can''t take any time off. We were given very little information on the matching process and have subsequently found out that we have not received information that would of helped us prepare for the process.Basically my question is has anybody else experienced this or similar? If so how did it get resolved? Is there an organisation that I can contact and get help or advice.
Edited 17/02/2021
ducks September 5, 2009 00:42
Sorry you haven't had any responses yet.I'm not totally clear whether you want advice on the matching process or on trying to get SS to talk to you ?I think AUK could give you advice on the matching process. I think it sounds like you were rather sprung into a later stage of the matching process than you were ready for with this particular child. As a personal view I'd suggest being pretty cautious about the match even though we are all desperate to get a child placed and get on with it. SS need to assess whether you are the right match for the child - that should be led by the matching sw and the child's sw. You need to assess whether the child is the right match for you - and your sw is supposed to help you with this. Before you go to the stage of meeting the child's sw ask for as much info as poss and ask questions. What's the child's history, how long have they been in care, how many moves have they had, what's the current foster carae's view of them, how are they coping with school or nursery, are they attending playgroup, what's their behaviour like there, are they having contact with birth family, how is that going, how does the child handle transitions on contact days, and medical or behavioural issues, what is the view of the Medical Advisor, what stage are legal proceedings at, has birth family contested placement order, .....You need to gather as much info as possible and work out what the issues may be with this particular child. IMHO you also want to show SS you are actively considering whther this is the child for you as well as vice versa.Don't be afraid to turn down suggested matches.You also mentioned SS had criticised you for planning to return to work in 2nd year. IMHO this is entirely normal. You may also want to show you are thinking through how that would work for a particular suggested match.If for example SS think the child under discussion has foetal alcohol syndrome or other issues from bm drinking, they may believe you wouldn't be able to return to work at that point or ever. You need to be clear if that's the kind of placement you think you want to take on. ducks x
Edited 17/02/2021
sedaddy September 8, 2009 00:02
Hello, I agree with all the advice given by ducks. However re all the getting experience etc. this should have all been suggested ( if thought appropriate pre your approval as adopters, it's a bit late at matching process to be suggesting that!There may be more to this scenario than meets the eye, so play it cautiously. Re matches I would advise some 'cold calling' of children you are interested in that you have seen, it's not all down the the SW.I have said on this site tirelessly many times that if for any reason you are not happy you should complain, it's amazing how things speed up with a letter to the Director of Social Services!Don't give up, your child(ren) are out there.Best of Luck xxx.
Edited 17/02/2021
Angelsmum September 8, 2009 09:10
I agree with the advice you've being given, SS are not known for their speed in things like this - but it's because they put the children first, so for example if your SW is busy sorting something out for a child, sorry but you will not be their priority, my time limits are one month email asking what's happening, if they reply, which they have in your case, then monthly emails for updates - if SS have no matches for you then it isn't uncommon to go without hearing anything a lot of us find that frustrating, but it's perfectly normal. However with regards to your mis-match I would suggest that you busy yourself with sorting what they recommended so that when they come with 'way forward' you will have already done much of it. good luckAngelsmumx
Edited 17/02/2021

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