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As long as somone is at home its dose not matter who

I also do work that is self employed and it is when and where I am needed, I am very busy at the moment but hoping for matching soon so that will all change and all my clients are aware of this. My husband works away a lot and when he is away I will not be working and when he is at home he will be looking after LO and I will be working. Our SW and panel had no issues about this and they were just happy we wouldn't be putting our LO into childcare.

the child care probably isnt an issue, though some social workers may have a view about other people being in the house - may not be an issue, just a thought

I can't comment on the shared care (although that is basically what mine have, it wasn't at the time sws were involved). But I do think you might have a problem with working at home - the sws might have an issue with it, as has been said, but also your child might find it hard to know that mummy is in the house but unavailable. Adopted children can have a need to be the centre of your attention more than most children do (out of insecurity) and might very much resent you giving it to someone else. IMO it would work better to be away from the house, so there would be less sense of your not paying them attention.

I think you need to remember that until you have your adoption order that the LA retains legal responsiblity for your child. Their view of 'strangers' being in and around your house on a regular basis can't be dismissed. I understand that you will be teaching children but presumably they will be dropped of collected by adults - this could be difficult for your child

Thanks for your thoughts on this. Does that also mean we can't have friends round or adults bringing children for playdates with my son ? I would always be there, the adults are normally just on the doorstep, and if they come in, they are friends of ours anyway as we get to know them over the years. I hope you are only talking about the early stages of a child settling in, as over time all children need to get used to interaction with other adults and children. What about when I take my son to school each morning- the child would have to come with us, and there we would meet other adults and children and have time just to exchange pleasantries. To me, its the same sort of interaction. I really appreciate different views on this, but at the same time, I should probably just ask my social worker if we decide to go ahead with the adoption process, as they will probably come up with a slightly different view again, for better or worse.

I was just flagging up a potential issue, SWs are a funny breed, what one has a problem with another thinks its absolutley fine. I do have a friend who is an adopter and she does private music tutition at home but not for many months after her daughter came home. In the long term it shouldnt be an issue, maybe more of a question of when, not if

Just to comment on teaching children in your home, my younger daughter would tolerate this but my elder daughter would not. And the end result would mean a lot of acting out which might well not go down well with the children being tutored (or their parents). You say that all children get used to it, but traumatised children don't always - you have to remember that the sort of children you are likely to be adopting tend to have gone through a lot of issues with separation and loss and not getting attention and they really may find it very hard to see you going off with a 'rival' child. That's before you even factor your own birth child into the equation. Basically, it's do-able, and social workers may be very keen to place a child with you - but I wouldn't underestimate the issues that might crop up and they may be pretty persistent to everything you try. But it's not a deal breaker, I suspect - see what the social workers say.

Afraid there's no adoption pay for the self employed. Not at the moment anyway. My experience of being at home with newly adopted children was that for the first few months they would not let me out of their sight. they even followed me into the loo and got very upset if I suggested they stay outside the door. Having a bath without and audience was also a problem! I am not alone. this is very common for newly adopted children. So shutting the door to a room in order to give a lesson could be very difficult. Might I suggest that you perhaps look at hiring a local hall or other facility for the first year or so. The thing about not having too many people in the lives of adopted children to start with in their new home is called funnelling. It is to help the child bond with you and only you in an appropriate way. Many adopted children have great difficulty distinguishing between different people in their lives and how to be appropriately affectionate - or not with them. They need to build a bond with you in a fairly short time and not get confused with other people coming and going.

I'm self employed and we received financial support from the placing LA to make up for not getting adoption pay. We adopted siblings and were both able to have time off with them.

To be totally frank, I think that you have to decide where your priorities lie. Adopted children are very different to birth children, and need a different environment. You may even find that---no----they struggle to cope with your BCs playdates, school runs etc---would that be a problem for you?

Hi You have had a lot of good advice already but I'm going to stick my two penneth in as well I am self employed and my DH is employed To survive financially and to not let my business suffer we discussed our options at length in home study! Our sw advised it was up to us to come up with a plan and then they would discuss with us and decide if they felt it appropriate So here goes our plan was Me off for the first three months DH sharing care for 6 months Me off for the final three months We were however very lucky as dh's firm have allowed his adoption leave of 6 weeks to be taken at 2 days per week over 15 weeks and then tag annual leave on for the remaining 11 weeks! Now it's important to point out that you and your sw may be very happy with your plan but in reality it's not your sw who needs to be happy with it Our sw and LA panel were fine with our plan but we were warned it could be a problem for the LA placing the child and could need to be revised if we constantly are turned down for links for this reason As it was we now have our first link home and they are both still sleeping upstairs as I type! Their FC husband worked in set contracts which meant if he was in between contracts he would also be home fill time, as such their sw deemed them to already be receiving shared care and said it wouldn't be too disruptive for them They have however said they wouldn't have considered anything other than a sole main carer for the first 3 months to allow a strong attachment to one person We have bonded well with the boys and unfortunately for financial reasons we can't afford to alter our plan but I do argue that children are not attached within 3 months and so really you need to be off for longer! I can't say I wish we has hung off for a year or so to save more money to allow this as we wouldn't have our gorgeous boys but lets just say if I could go back save and know I'd still have my boys I'd be taking a year for them with my undivided attention it will be hard enough for the new child "competing" with an existing child for attention as you will want to bond but also not allow your BC to feel left out and sidelined! Throw in other kids coming in to get your full attention and personally I think it spells trouble! I don't think it's a deal breaker in regards to the process but I do think it could cause you unnecessary problems at placement unless you can go out of the house to do it, but then bare in mind you might get a child who wants you and you alone to feed them bath them and put them to bed, how would you manage then? Hope you find a solution Daisy x

Thanks for all your replies. Just to reiterate, I wasn't intending to get childcare, just my partner to share childcare. After reading some of the comments, it ocurred to me that I might not even be asking this question, or get some of the comments I got, if I was a man. I need to trust my partner, after all he is a tried and tested dad. As for children not letting you go to the toilet, that sounds like my birth son until he was about 2 and a half ! I get it that adopted children are different, but I think we need to remember that all children are completely unique and different, adopted or not. Still not sure about adoption, but I wish everyone on here the best of luck.

It's great that you're husband is a tried and trusted dad - of birth children. However he's not a tried and trusted parent of an adopted child. And nor are you. Whilst the responses you've received are from tried and tested adoptive parents, Of course it's entirely up to you whether you take anything anyone has said on board. But you asked. You've had honest, experienced and well thought out responses. Listen or not. But be prepared to face the same questions from SS.

I dont think you would have got different answers if you were a man. Your original question was about working part time and sharing childcare with your partner. As far as I can see no-one has raised any issues about either of those things - the issue was that was flagged up was about people being in your home. Those of us that have been through the process have merely pointed out that social workers ask all sorts of questions and see things as 'issues' that others may not. I had a social worker who just coudnt get her head round the fact that I dont drive and walked or got the bus which is cant be regarded as factor in my parenting ability but caused me more than a few heated debates

Sharing childcare is something social workers like - it's having people in your home that is an issue, both from the point of view of having random people come in and out on a regular basis, as social workers don't like that, and also for the effect it could have on the adopted child, who could have massive anxiety/separation issues that you currently don't understand, if you think that it's going to be similar to your two year old. Adopted children have been taken away at one stage - they may have been led by the hand away from their birth parent, or lifted from a cot, or wrenched away from screaming birth parents. They have settled in foster care - they may have had several foster carers. They may have gone back to the birth parents. They may have been in hospital. They may have been taken to contact meetings with their birth parents every week. They will definitely have seen lots of adults come and go - social workers, paediatricians, maybe other health workers, guardians, foster carers - and they now come to your home. Seriously, an awful lot of these kids will not cope with people coming and going. That's not being unfair to you, it's just the truth. It's nothing like having a birth child.

I read this because of your username. I can not see that there is an issue if you do your lessons in a music room with the door closed. If the children and parents go straight to the music room and than straight home. (so no contact with the adopted child say the first 6 month) That your husband has time with the children is good, he is part of the family, and can keep the children in the lounge while you give lessons. You have to present it in such way that it is not a problem nor you are making it a problem, because it is not. Your birth child will need to learn that lesson time means not seeing mammy also (start the new rules now). On the music room door a big red sign, father deals with whatever comes up, and you can concentrate on scales and arpeggios, lol. Again most important that you have thought it through carefully, and have solutions might they arrise (like teaching the children in their own home). If you are emotionally and physically avaliable during the day, than it is perfectly oke when your husband takes over during the evening. Make a good plan and stick to it. Children get used to situation especially if it is just how it is in your family, no discussion. Music can be a very powerfull tool in the healing of traumatised children, what a wonderfull opportunity. It is a big part in my childrens lives.

I found the home study was not just assessing me - but working with me to see what would work and was possible - I changed some of my ideas during it - it is a process that is making sure you are flexable, totally understand what adoption is about , and a good family for a traumatised child - go in with open minds - sometimes solutions will come up during the study - things you never thought of as I say its a process