Public Forums

So glad to read your update BAJT2018 - hope SWs continue to take a sensible view and your other relatives can begin to appreciate the risks.

Scott - I think you are missing the point by saying you have messaged BATJ - Peartree and others would like to be able to message ourselves - I'm sure your message will be helpful, but so would details that others would like to share privately. I am finding it a real challenge to write something helpful without disclosing personal stuff that is identifying... Sorry to hijack

Hi Bop

As discussed on another thread - the Chat function is available to members.

Shortly ALL users will be able to Chat with Mods and AUK reps.

Best wishes

Scott

Scott - sadly you are still missing the point, but since I can't PM you this discussion will need to be in public...

Pear tree, myself and others understand the "rules" about who can message, but what I (and I think Pear Tree) were trying to say is its really frustrating wanting to help, but being limited by what can be said on a public forum....Your comment saying "Hi Peartree - Just to give you some comfort - I have DM'd BAJT2018 to offer support and information." just adds insult to injury - yes you can PM, probably saying something helpful, but that does not allow more experienced adopters to assist the original poster. Then your reply to my comment about this "As discussed on another thread - the Chat function is available to members. Shortly ALL users will be able to Chat with Mods and AUK reps. " just insults further....as I said we know the rules, but I guess our experiences and opinions are not valued....

I guess I was trying to give this new forum the benefit of the doubt and believed that maybe you were starting to listen - but it seems not....there seems little point in me staying around since I cannot give useful advice to those who need it.

Hi Bop

Apologies if I picked this up wrong, I just didn’t want you to feel ignored - hence my response.

I would disagree that thoughts and ideas are not being listened to - which is one of the reasons I have agreed to include the online forums within my daily role, but this is still very early days after a long time, as you have all said, of the online forums not being developed or engaged with.

There are many things that we would like to do with consultation, and of course, until the DM issue for Mods is fixed (next week or so) - all our contact details are available on the home page for you to be able to discuss this further. I am always happy and willing to engage with all and in case there’s any confusion over where the contact details are you can email me: [email protected]

Best wishes

Scott

Well we've had the hearing today. The judge has said that birth parents can't contest but won't grant the order over concerns about the scumbag in our family. Another hearing will be set in a couple of months and I'm now really scared that we are going to lose her but I don't know what more we can do. Feel totally hopeless to be honest. It will destroy us all if we lose her but it's out of our hands

That is good that he has said BPs can't contest - has he asked for anything more to happen before the next hearing - reports of any sort? I presume you have a SW you can ask for their advice? Other than that it is keeping up what you have been doing. I can't think of anything more - other than if you moved or the relative moved out of the grandparents - neither of those would be 100% fool proof but are both one step further I guess. (Though I think you said you lived a distance away anyway?)

Wow... good news but no order....

What did your sw say? What support & advice have ss given you...

You deserve a frank & transparent discussion with the head of child care in your daughters la.... If it has not been offered I would be insisting on it.... you really need to know what more you can do to convince ss your daughter is safe, what do they expect of you.... keep them onside ask for support whilst being firm, confident & transparent.

I feel so disappointed for you it doesn't sound like you are being supported by your sw team. Do not let things slip, request a meeting with your sw & her boss asking them for the way ahead & how you can continue to demonstrate to the department how you are doing everything to keep your daughter safe xx

Good Luck xx

Please keep us updated sending hugs & support your way xxxxxx

Xx moo xx

I don't think ss themselves even know what more we can do to prove that she's safe. They're just saying 'we think the judge just needs to know that everything is being done to keep her safe' but then they don't seem to have a clue what else the judge even wants to prove that she's safe. This is why I'm scared now that she is going to be removed as if the judge continues to refuse the AO I can't see much other alternative. I'm seeking legal advice from the adoption uk helpline. I have mentioned wanting a LAC review but they don't seem to want that. I'm just totally lost tbh. I really want to fight for our child but I just don't know what we can do to make things better

Ok... sounds like typical ss in panic mode!!

Deffo go for LAC review.... I have always been keen to gain the IRO's view & support..... In my experience the IRO is a voice of reason & very supportive... I think he/she could be the perfect advocate in your support....

So pleased you are in touch with AUK helpline & I am sure their legal advice line will prove invaluable.... I am so very sad that you are so scared ( understandably) But in true ss style I guess this is just caution they are not supporting you fully.... At least ss are telling you they can think of nothing more you need to do... (try & get that in writing ,)

So I don't want to say "try not to worry" as that is just bonkersxx just try & keep reminding yourself you are doing everything, you are working with ss, you are being totally transparent.... keep on keeping on & follow all AUK advice to the letter xxx

Sending many hugsxxx hoping this is sorted for you sooner rather than later xxx

Xx moo xx

P.S.....Please know the judge will not want to disrupt your daughter, her bonding & settling into her new forever family will be paramount....if ss have told judge they can think of nothing more for you to do & that you are clearly working with department then time & next hearing AO should be sorted imhoxx ( after all if they hadn't told judge that then he would have disrupted placement already xx)

Do you have a Guardian ad Litem for your daughter? That is someone who does a report for the court on behalf of the child setting out what is their best interests (which is paramount in law) I'm not sure who appoints them - we had one - but I don't remember if it was through SS or through the court. As Moo says - they will not want to disrupt the placement unless there are very serious concerns and that would not be in the child's best interests at all. However I cannot understand why they have asked for a further two months and not asked for anything further to be done in that time. Could you write down all the times / ways you have actively protected her - for example meeting grandparents somewhere other that their home - what you have said to grandparents etc. Do they perhaps want you to avoid contact altogether with them? I think it is really unfair that your SW and preferably their manager is not having an urgent review to see what more can be done. Yes I think speaking to AUK - perhaps seeking specialist legal advice (AUK can give you names) and asking for a LA review are priorities. Would statements from family members help? I can't remember but I think this is your BIL? If so maybe a record of what your DH has done to distance himself / protect your child? I'm not going to tell you not to worry either - but to do all you can to bolster up your position. I do not think it is likely they will remove her - but it could happen - so you want to know you have done everything you can.

The way the sw's have put it we don't know what the judge wants exactly until we have had his report in the next couple of weeks. We have made it very clear that we won't be having any more contact with BIL and that if it was asked of us then we would break all contact with any of his family and move. Moving has occured to us to move nearer to my family but when we've tested the water with that with sw's all they've said is how disruptive that'd be. They have said that they're quite shocked as well that AO wasn't granted and don't seem to really know why. I will see what the legal support says but asides from them bugging us and our comminication devices I'm not sure what else can be done to establish that we are serious about protecting her

PS we haven't been appointed a guardian yet. After talking to sw again it apparently might be something that judge is asking for before AO is granted. Apparently also because BP's were present at the hearing and expressed concerns about how we would safeguard the judge stated that he would make recommendations in private so I think we are just going to have to wait few days and see what exactly the judge has said. Also, we were thinking that we would need to be present at the next hearing but apparently BP's are also allowed to be and probably will be present? Is this accurate?

Yes sadly.... normally they get their day & if all goes thro then ours as adopters is later, but official adoption date is bf date on certificate ( as that is the day it is decided).... you won't want to be there too obviously.... O.k. sounds to me that your situation is so unusual that all ss are running around like headless chickens.....

I guess the judges report is what you need to see so wait it is... IRO tho should be contactable as this is an extreme case.... in care I thought all children were automatically appointed a guardian by ss? Get talking to AUK quick... legal line is the one in the know xxx

Sending more hugs xxx keep skweezing your daughter that is all that matters xxx

Xx hugs xx Keep posting xx

Xx moo xx

Ive spoken to legal advice line. They too didn't really know what to suggest except that we ought to be at next hearing and should be seeking confirmation as to what exactly judge wants prior to the next hearing. They also seemed pretty flabbergasted that the order wasn't just granted

Me too....

Second guessing the judge is bonkers I know but.....

I think he is just giving it time & will maybe be making suggestions to sw to get certain ducks in certain rows... so..... deffo insist on seeing judges report & way ahead....

Very surprised IRO ( indipendant reviewing officer) hasn't been mentioned.... ours was soo on the ball & supportive a great advocate... he would have been chasing judge for what hoops to jump thro.... & making case for the child & asking for evidence to be reviewed for adopter wrong doing.... which of course there is none! IRO is a great ally you will have met him/her at review meetings.... If you like him then contact direct it is your right for your daughter.... we have to fight for our children you are just starting your fight early?! ?

I think we are all gobsmakked the judge has been so cautious.... he will deffo have Q'd ss since the disclosure as paperwork had to be in order with their support when put in ( before disclosure) for AO to go thro xxxx

Sending more hugs xxx

Please Keep Posting xxx

Xx moo xx

Tbh it sounds like he was 'scared of BPs' apparently BD questionned how they could be sure that in years to come we wouldn't allow contact with this relative (valid concerns to be fair) and at this point the judge said he wasn't going to make the recommendations now but in writing. I can see why they're being cautious but there's horrible people everywhere. Just because one of them happens to be in our family doesn't mean we are any less likely to safeguard our child. To some extent it has to come down to gut instinct and balance of probabilities and we've never faltered in being clear that this family member won't get near our child. Asides from tagging us and bugging our phones I really don't know what more we can do and I'm heartbroken for our beautiful child who might end up being severely traumatised by baeurocratic nonsense :-(

Hang in xxx sorry this really is horrid xxx

I am sure with time judge will see sense... he clearly isn't going to give bp permission to be re-assessed....

Please think about involving the IRO & bugging ss for the judges written report xx

Xx moo xx

Apparently they have been keeping IRO utd and they are fully in support of us. Even the barrister was apparently mindblown that thw judge did this. We have already asked for a written breakdown of the hearing if pos and will be asking for everything that we are entitled to prior to the next hearing. We may need to seek our own legal representation as well but I don't even have a clue how we go about that or how much it is likely to cost.

Ask AUK legal line they will advise you, you will need a very specialised legal beagle, maybe the barrister can also advise of an expert trusted contact?....

Xx try asking for a conversation with the IRO... He too will prolly have a legal expert in mind if asked xx He will also be able to put together a report of glowing character of you over his duration of care for your dd, any reference could prove invaluable in support of your case....

Xx moo xx

Actually that doesn’t sound so bad as it sounds as if judge doesn’t want to give BPs ammunition to fight on and wants it all sorted out for next time. BPs are bound to argue - that’s all they’ve got even if clutching at straws - so he’s putting it in writing so it’s clear and hopefully when you get that you will know exactly what is required. Good your SS are totally on board - do get all the information you may need together and then await judges report.