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Really bad few days
spring chick
September 9, 2013 17:20
This is my first post since the new website and I really struggled to know where to post. I suppose this crosses over around therapeutic parenting, health and well being, relationships and difficult times. Basically I am struggling with my daughter, struggling to parent her therapeutically, struggling with everything at the moment. She is just over 3 years old and we areover 2 years into placement. I know why this is happening. But to have had everything so settled for the last 6 weeks has been bliss and makes me think she shouldn't be going to nursery. But I need her to go to nursery. and she needs it too. But right now, I need it more!!!! All the clubs and nursery and everying came to an abrupt end in the summer, and for a week, she was bereft. She talked non stop about goig back to nursery and going to the clubs and she was so upset when she realised that they were stopping for a short while. Now she has go t used to it being just the 2 of us everyday and she is scared to go back to the things that she had become so familiar with. Getting her dressed, brushing her hair, cleaning her teeth, shoes and socks, in the car. The small simple tasks seem like the biggest struggle. And most things need doing a few times because she takes clothes off and shoes off after thay have been on. I am exhausted today. She has just fallen asleep on the sofa. I know I need to wake her up, otherwise she won't go to bed tonight but cannot bring myself to do that. As soon as I do, she will start. I'm hungry, I'm hot, I'm cold, get me my blanket, growling at me, crying, screaming, throwing things at me. Chasing me for something. Push pull, push, pull. I know what this is all about. I know why it is, but having not seen any of this behaviour for 6 weeks, I had thought it had gone, and today has been a shock. A massive shock. I am not really looking for any answers. I know the anwers, I just need some moral support, maybe someone could tell me that they are going through it too at the beginning of term. I know what I need to be doing differently, but am finding it hard to dig deep to give her what she needs. I don't know why today is so hard, I didn't sleep well last night, and neither did she. I love her so much. But she is the most demanding and emotionally draining little person. Why did I think these difficult times were over? Silly me!!
Duckling
September 9, 2013 18:18
Oh that sounds really tough. I do think a lot of people are going through this at the start of the new term. When ours were little we certainly did. It comes as such a shock after the relative peace and quiet of the summer holidays. I know also that some find the structure of school helps and are breathing a sigh of relief that the holidays are over, so it does go both ways... but for us, when the kids were younger is was often just as you have written. It has got better over the years although modom (13) did do a 'stropalotta' at me today when she got back from school... gentle hugs to you.
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Sockthing
September 9, 2013 19:09
Not sure I have any wise advice, but I recognise what you describe from Kipper. It sounds SOOOO like him! He does it periodically and I have awful phases that I think will never end, and then they pass and I wonder if I imagined it all. Then Suddenly they appear again and it feels worse than before because I'd let my guard down. Over a long period of time this cycle can leave you feeling really on edge. They only thing I can say really is hang on in there! Kipper is 3 and a half and he is definitely better than he was 6 months ago, though the cycle still happens, but perhaps longer gaps in between and not quite as extreme. Still so stressful though. I totally recognise that feeling of dread about waking them up...I had the same, I would have phases where my heart would sink when he woke up in the morning, and even more so after naps as he was so grumpy! And yes, I totally get about needing them to go to nursery for your own sanity. Maybe when she's back in the routine she'll settle again? Make sure you really pamper yourself while she's there to charge your batteries. Hugs
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kstar
September 9, 2013 20:21
Can't really help as I am the opposite, my AD needs the routine and structure of school so we couldn't wait for it to start again. However, it sounds so so draining, you must be shattered :-( Make some time for yourself somehow, even if it means having to ask someone for help for an hour. Hugs xx
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Monkey Magic
September 9, 2013 21:46
I'm with you Spring Chick. I was dreading the end of term and our LO really struggled for a while as you describe. Fast forward to September and we start all over again. I've cheated today as LO was slightly out of sorts so I've kept her at home. Keep your chin up - things will settle...eventually.
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spring chick
September 10, 2013 10:52
Thanks so much for your replies. I have got over myself today! Having read my post from yesterday, I was all me, me, me. I went to bed early last night, having prepared lunch box, my clothes and chicken's clothes, nursery bag, shoes etc. We were prepared with a capital P! She woke up in a brilliant mood, although getting her to bed last night was a marathon effort, but we stuck in there and did not get cross with her. We knew it was about nursery today. She was brilliant this morning. And now I miss her. Her wonderful laugh and cheeky chats. Oh the roller coaster of emotions in parenthood!!
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sooz
September 10, 2013 14:15
You're allowed to have it all about me me me on here. Glad you've had a better day. I'm sad because the chirpy happy relaxed little boy I had in the hols (well, mainly) is slowly slipping away now he's back at school. It's certainly a roller coaster! Xx
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spring chick
September 10, 2013 20:50
I do hope you see chirpy, happy, relaxed little boy again soon............. x
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spring chick
September 12, 2013 17:50
I just thought I would post an update as things changed just a few days after my initial post. Chicken has been at nursery this week and everything has been great. Although she has been a bit clingy when we have first arrived, she has soon got stuck in and had a great time. She has also been somewhat amused by all the newbies and their tears, realising that she is actually one of the "big girls" and can show the new ones what to do and where to do. Because the tantrums and melt-downs and anxious behaviours have usually settled in and lasted for longer, I was preparing myself for the worst. Actually, the "worst" was a day. OK, a few nights of staying with chicken a bit longer at night, and a bit longer getting ready for nursery and a bit longer to walk to the car before and after nursery, if I make sure I calculate those timings into our day and don't need to rush anything, then we are all settled!! I cannot tell you how glad I am to see that those behaviours were just moments in the grand scheme of things. All is well in the Chick household!!
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Flosskirk
September 12, 2013 17:53
Hi that's great news. Just be aware though that she might be more anxious about change than the average child going forward and what you have seen so far is how she copes. Being 3, there aren't really that many demands on a child - being say 13, then it's quite different. So I would suggest that you do some work with her now re anxiety and coping strategies so that she doesn't get into the flap my daughter (15) does, because we never really understood this and didn't address it early.
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