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Be prepared for some fall out - they may struggle with some bits of it and that is likely to come out in behaviour. I remember our AD at 5 getting new information - it was very hard on her and made worse in that her older siblings had known for a while as they could remember it.

In terms, of how you are doing it - is this using appropriate therapists as I think that is important as they can deal with issues that come up and ensure its age appropriate (and give you some support too). I do think that 5 seems quite young - though it does depend on what will be covered....I presume they already know they are adopted and the basics of their story?

Hi Bop,

We didn't envisage doing it with the youngest yet and they have only been with us just over a year!

Our youngest is the one specifically asking questions about things and is really struggling with it all. At the moment it will just be us doing it, albeit with some guidance from our LA following a life story workshop we have done.

We are hoping to have funding shortly for DDP therapy which may also help and if we need it we can access therapeutic life story people through the LA who have been fab so far.

I am sure it will be a hard thing to do to start but it helps knowing we aren't alone in doing it ?

I wasn’t going to reply as my AD is 23 and we have just started life story work - so much older - but I agree with what Bop says - she knew the basic story but is still very “confused” (she has learning difficulties) but was thrown by finding out that not only had BM said she had done something (which she knew) but that she had been taken to court and convicted for it (which she didn’t know) - so actually quite a different impact. Your children do seem very young - but if the therapist is working mostly through you that makes good sense. Even though AD is 23 I am in the room with her so able to add / explain anything I know and am aware if there is something she has found difficult. Also the therapist does “nurturing” activities with us which are fun and some have been quite powerful. Another thing - she also picked up in something about my AD which she was able to share - so although she is not there to diagnose she is another person who can provide their expert opinion.

From what you now describe it doesn't sound like life story work as such....I would use that term for specialist work with an older child going through the details of their story.

At this stage, I would just be answering any questions as they come up and creating space for questions by watching films/reading books that have a relevant theme and just gently stating that character is like you because... So many films have a relevant theme - Annie, Jungle Book, Paddington etc. You want to avoid stuff being a shock as they get older by it just being part of them (and no big deal).

I agree with Bop. At their age I’d keep it light, answer questions, drop a few pebbles but not get into it too heavily. My 13 year old has had lifestory work with a therapist and with me to support. Far better, I think, for it to be done by someone who’s neutral but with you to support them through it.

what method were you planning to use?