Edited 17/02/2021
Pa''s/ carers and secondary trauma
Pear Tree
March 22, 2012 14:29
I have various pa''sRecently the orchard family has been through ridiculous levels of stress with our adoptees and my health hasn''t been goodWhen partridge did his extreme runner and blossom nicked a car it''s sent us into a tail spin. All of my pa''s/carers love and care about us here but they are hugely upset and stressed. One very stable employee has just texted me saying her and my other lady can''t stop crying and today''s pa explained she''s been shaking about coming in because of what she might find here.This is awful.I''m actually cross because I don''t even want to have pa''s/carers here- just want to be the same as the other mums and not need help. At least they can damn well walk away at the end of a day...But actually they can''t can they? I''m just really sad that no one seems to be able to live the life along side us apart from my mum and dad and frankly we can''t do it all without paid help. We just can''t.I feel guilt and cross ness and want to know how others who employ people in their day to day lives manage their ''staff'' secondary trauma issues?Pear tree
turtle
March 22, 2012 14:49
I hope I am not about to upset you I am cross on your behalf about this. You are NOT to worry about the carers. You have enough to deal with without added people putting more worry on your shoulders. I know if must be very hard for them but they do have a choice as to whether they are there, you don't. Please take care of yourself.xx
Edited 17/02/2021
Pear Tree
March 22, 2012 18:04
Thanks turtle, and I do get you.My guilt around this is that they didn't understand adoption when they came into our lives and thought instead they were helping a disabled lady be an independent mum.It's truly impossible not to get sucked into our lives here.To be fair I did try and tell them, but really like so many new to adoption they don't know until they've lived it and whethered a few major crashes.This is the thing being a direct payments employer I am responsible for their mental welbeing to a point I think.Pear treePs is it ok to be a bit cross that the lucky so and SOs can walk away, not even in here each day and can call this 'stress at work' when it's my whole bloody life?!
Edited 17/02/2021
turtle
March 22, 2012 18:29
Of course it is okay to be a little bit cross infact I think it is okay to be a big bit cross. They can go home at the end of the evening or not come back if they choose too, you don't have that privilage, big hugs xx
Edited 17/02/2021
Pear Tree
March 22, 2012 18:38
Also pip is bolshy and stroppy and contrary She is 4.5 yrs old and our bc who has lived through all of the last years here. I know she's not unscathed by what's happening but she's not being difficult solely because her brother running off dramatically and me being ill. She's 4.5 and I know from my education days that young girls her age are known as 'contrary Mary's!' I do parent her using the Bryan post/ margot Sunderland stuff which compared to how my carers brought up their children looks very different indeed.Basically I've been very very careful about building attachment and relationship and helping her regulate, with an older sister who loves you and tries to seriously hurt you then moved, the next and a brother who is exploding occassionally plus a poorly mum it's a huge amount for any child to live though.But she is well attached and takes life in her head on way. My carers view this as concerning,,,,that she's very unsettled at the moment and it's all about the situation here....
Edited 17/02/2021
Pear Tree
March 23, 2012 17:10
I'm afraid it's carried on today They are too stunned and upset with things of last week. Very concerned about the situation here etc.Thing is they are the very well meaning helpful people who sort of saw themselves as Samaritans and it's been much harder in practiceMy lady who is from home start is fine. She takes it in her stride because she's used to working with families like mine and is trained for it. My others are nurses. Standard training very experiencedThey've been having a cuppa to support eachother and instead sounds to me like they've had a right moan and lumped me we it.Well they know I'm upset about them having a go because I cried when they started this morningBeen sending me placatory texts todayI'm having to have a meeting with them when we get back from a breakThing is, they get really good t's and c's holiday and sick pay and paid while I'm off. Plus far more an hour than I ever did teaching. They had a go about my husband just not managing as well when I'm ill too...
Edited 17/02/2021
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