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Hello Bugalugs,My DH is going to be the main carer when we (hopefully) get our 2 little munchkins. I am taking 6 months leave, but he is only working 2 days a week now and will be the main carer when I return to work, flexing his hours around the children.He is looking forward to 'semi-retirement' as he calls it.More and more men are doing this. My friend is a Head Teacher who adopted her two munchkins last year. She took her leave, but then when she returned to work her DH gave up work completely to be the crarer for the children.Mr Bugalugs should be proud of being the primary carer, men who do this are fabulous- it isn't an easy job by any stretch; it is infact a 'full time job'.Yellow x

Hi bugalugsMy OH is the stay at home dad for our LO. Your LO(s) and he will have a wonderful opportunity to bond and his love, care and influence will be of tremendous benefit to them in the early months of placement. Let him know he is the lucky one and he will realise this soon! x

Hi thereMy husband did the same thing 3 years ago when we adopted our daughter. He found the idea of it daunting and I really admire him for being prepared to do it. He has largely really enjoyed it and found it very rewarding. He was a bit of a novelty act to begin with at some of the parent and toddler groups where we live and because he is shy, it had the potential to go a bit pear shaped but its all been fine. Most of the groups/preschool love the fact that there is a man about and have made him feel very welcome. a lot of the children also like having a man around in a largely female environment. Most people see it as a positive..... tell him not to worry. If he wants to know more, pm me and I will ensure he replies. thanksRoller

Our view is that we are a team and between us we need to cover all the jobs and responsibilities. How we divide it up is about what works best for us, not about gender stereotypes. That goes for the big things sich as careers and finance but also for all the small details. I do the ironing and the DIY - he does more of the cooking. He cleans the kitchen, I clean the toilets. I am better at having 'serious talks', he is beter at the daily grind without shouting.

My friends have done this as the husband had the chance to take early retirement. He is very popular in school holidays and has to learn to say no to endless playdates. We are also contemplating this as hubby will have the same in a few years, well I say a few but before little boy leaves primary school which is a way off anyway..The only thing that rankled slightly is that when we explained our situation to someone (won't go into details) it was seen as shocking that a parent of a preschooler would be old enough to retire while he is at primary school. It's not like retirement = death these days, which was basically what the response sounded like!

My DH is planning on been a say at home dad when we are (hopefully) approved. He is really looking forward to it now but he was really concerned at first. He has not had that much childcare experience whereas I have and I think this will be the making of him. After a lot of talking it through with SW he is now really excited!I am sure your hubby will take to it like a duck to water.Good luck with everything.

Thanks everyone for your support. I'll show all these to the DH tonight.

I am so jealous of Mr Bugalugs. I wish I could quit and be a stay at home Dad......... and I NEVER thought I would ever say that!!Both my wife and I work, but my wife does less than I do, so she is the main carer I guess. We share the tasks, and 4 times a week it is me and the girls at home. (evenings and most weekends)I love my "Daddy-time" with the girls, and I wish I could do more.So, Mr Bugalugs, if you are reading this..... don't let anyone tell you what to think or what to feel. If any other bloke sneers at you for doing this, then its either stupid male-pride (you know, guy goes out and hunts for dinosaur etc) or, like me, they just wish they could do it.Best of luck, how about you come on here and talk to us.... there aren't many of us guys on here, some more would be nice!!

I took adoption leave but both DH and I do a significant part of the childcare - I work but fewer hours than he does but he takes littly to school most days and we alternate bedtimes etc. When we started out nearly 12 years ago he had no idea re childcare and would never have considered being the one who stayed home so it was me who took leave and went part time even though I earned more. But he changed gradually and now does things like attend most school meetings and liaise with Senco etc. Where we live a lot of dads do a lot of childcare - its really changed since we became parents - there's a lot of sharing care and some full time dads too. So the old gender stereotypes are vanishing. Hope your OH settles well into his new role.

HiThere is a blog written by an adopter who became a stay at home dad- www.theonehandman.co.uk It seems to give an honest view of the ups and downs of caring for a toddler but in the main he is very positive about the choice. I'd encourage your OH to have a look.

I am planning to be the main carer as an adoptive dad, and take a year of rather generous adoption leave offered by my employer (really looking forward to that: it made me even rank adoptive fatherhood above biological one). Financially, it's a loss, but my wife's career is at a more sensitive point while my job is very safe, so in the long term it makes sense. Also, I have more childcare experience. And I have some stay-at-home-dad friends so I won't feel too weird. I am happy to share experiences with other fellow (pre)adoptive dads.Said that, on our previous attempt the SW really didn't like this and started interrogating DW on why she didn't want to be the main carer...! I am sure they don't ask prospective adoptive fathers this question. It created all sorts of problems and they rejected us, but after a long fight they had to revert their decision. It was astonishing that such prejudice still exists, even if in theory now everybody can be eligible to adopt.3 years down the line, we are going to panel on the 30th of September... hopefully they won't make problems.

BuffaloI was shocked by how out of date the social workers and panel members were regarding working mothers and stay at home dads. In all the linking meetings and then at panels I came up against questions regarding this. There is a lot of research saying how beneficial it is for dads to be involved in children's childcare and then you are met with these attitudes like this.

Hi bugalugs - we are not yet linked but my OH is planning on taking the full 6 months adoption leave he is entitled to so he can be the main carer - I have just started a new freelance business so although I can be at home a lot I will still need to work... he is very excited at the prospect of being able to be there to bond with LO from the start and as others have said, old stereotypes are just that - old! We will see what happens with my business as to whether he ultimately goes back to work or continues to be main carer ...or maybe we will alternate!