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I think it depends on when child placed. My LO came home before he was 2. I haven't started him at nursery as yet because of attachment/bonding. However, LO has been home several months and now seems to be more than ready for nursery (there have been several indicators though I will wait and see how he copes in reality). Also, as a single parent, I think I will benefit too. Trying to do everything with LO in tow is very difficult. As I am about to enter the unpaid part of adoption leave, a free place would be a lifesaver. LO is due to start nursery in next few weeks, but its going to be incredibly difficult financially. Also, I have spoken at length to nursery about the fact he may need a long settling in period.So for me as a single parent with a LO who appears to need nursery (I will let you know how it works out!!!) and with a very very small income at present, I would very much value it. But that said, I am glad I have kept LO close for us to build a bond together. And, although its exhausting I love every minute of being with him. Minnie x

Our DS - placed 19 months ago aged 23 months. Initially, after placement, DS showed high levels of anxiety, was hyper vigilant, had a mother aversion, hit me AND was scared of other children. So, we had to make sure he felt safe and secure with us before we could introduce him to large groups of children. We also had to make sure he'd attached fully to me before we left him with other carers. We kept him at home completely for the first 6 months. After 6 months I started taking him to some mother and toddler groups and organising playdates with individual children. Once that was all going well, we then had him start nursery 14 months after placement. He started going 3 mornings a week (until 12) and we have now added one afternoon. He took over a month to settle in (used to get very distressed when we left) and only now is beginning to talk about other children and show signs of having made friends. In our case I wouldn't have dreamed of starting him at nursery at 2 - and some resources to keep him at home would have been great (I work freelance, so got no adoption pay at all). But people with children with different needs (and different financial constraints) are likely to feel different.

Our son came home at 14 months and I went back to work part time after a year when he was two years and two months.I used a childminder who was also one of the mums that I knew from school as I have an older son and he began to know her from play group and pickups from school. He went to her one day a week until I got the free 15 hours a week which I use at the school nursery. He just goes for half a day every other week now. He seemed to really enjoy his time with the childminder, and I feel a bit miffed that I missed out on the funding as it would have saved me £110 per month! His attachment seems to be as secure as it can be. He enjoys giving and receiving affection like he did with the foster carers who are his god parents now. At three years old can tell me that when he was a baby he lived with them. He has a strong personality and we love him to bits!

Hi! Yes, I agree that it seems contradictory, but as someone who adopted a 16 month old with all the traits daffin just described, I struggled hugely and was really quite depressed over that first year with him. I'm not ashamed to say that I desperately needed a few hours without him twice a week. When he did go to preschool at 2.5, it was tough for him, but it has taken him a looooong time to really settle there (about 9 terms) and he wouldn't have even been ready to start school last year - we decided to keep him back another year.He definitely needed to learn to feel safer around a few familiar children and adults, which if we'd left it any later then we'd be in a nightmare situation re: school start now.

Also, I had to return to work a few hours a week by the time he was 3 so we didn't have much choice - and I think there's quite a few single adopters who really need that entitlement so they can return to work!

I have to say I find it a bit strange, mine went to playgroup after 2, which I found good as it was for short intervals to build up their reassurance that I will return and I gradually increased their hours until they went to school, I would have been pleased for this to have been subsidised. I find the thinking behind long amounts of time in childcare for all very small children and the benefits of it difficult to understand, especially for those who are already traumatised, especially as they are also supposed to be increasing the child to adult ratio and given that nurseries move staff round like nobodies business. I can't see how it is good for attachment(but that is just my opinion), I think they could spend that money better.

In my case i agree with you Rutinha. It is far more important that your child bonds and builds up attachments with you and your extended family or network.Children can learn social skills and develop themselves through your everyday activities with them. We didn't have nurseries or playgroups years ago and we all seem to have managed to grow up without being disadvantaged that we can't recognise our coat peg in the workplace because it's not got a picture of an apple or whatever beside it!I get really cross when i see the government encouraging people to leave their children and return to work early or encouraging those struggling dysfunctional families to drop off their children at 2yrs old. They need to provide better maternity and adoption pay packages to ensure parents can afford to take the time off to spend with their children and invest time in them.You know your child best i'm sure.J

Hi Rutina, been lurking for months and this is my first post. We have used a grant for free nursery place for 2 year old. Nursery place recommended by HV due to behavioural issues with other children of hitting, biting etc . Has been the best thing we did. Definitely depends on the child and there have been no problems with attachment since starting but then we chose nursery carefully and had an in-depth discussion with nursery and ensured we all agreed on how to deal with little one and that there was a keyworker. Little ones anxiety lessened as we kept reassuring that we would return and we are never ever late. Only a few hours a week so that I can work and little one knows only DH or myself will pick up from nursery and runs and jumps into our arms when we return which is such a nice feeling. Behaviour improved immensely. I was convinced little one would be thrown out due to behaviour but has been as good as gold the whole time. Not right for everyone but has worked well for us and little ones speech, mobility, etc come on leaps and bounds.

My daughter (placed at 18 months) has attended preschool since she was 2 and four months old, three times a week (although built it up gradually) She loves it and it has definitely been the right thing for her. She is massively active and very destructive at home if not stimulated constantly so it really is difficult to keep her happy without there being some outside input.We were actually asked to do it because she needed specific help in some areas and her paedatrician wanted to start building up evidence etc. It was very hard for me to leave her at first, I felt awful. But her bond/attachment with me is strong- this is probably the area I worry about least with her, so it made sense.So I think it depends on your child and whether you are returning to work etc.

I think there is a big difference though between 3 short days/a few hours each week, to potentially 2-5 very long days, so say 8-5.30. I think at 2 years onwards 3 mornings for 3 hours is a fair amount of child care, if the child copes with it and have been placed for a decent time already, and pre school is usually very different to nursery, it does not take over the home role as such. But I couldn't have put ours into long days, that would have been way too much for them, although all children are different. I think it also depends on the environment, our playgroup was also fantastic at involving parents for little singing shows, festivals, come in have a chat with the staff as you drop off/pick up etc, which made it very permeable with the parents, not just a drop off at the door more school like set up, parents were very involved. So depends what you are looking at in my opinion.

Yes another contradiction on planet Adoption:- 'Are they mixing with other children/going to playgroup?' versus 'Don't introduce them to others in the first x months.'

Our son came to us when he was 2 and a half. He had already been attending a nursery for 3 long days whilst he was with his foster carers and loved it. He is a very sociable child, and whilst he enjoys playing with our friends children, they are nearly all a few years older than him. We started him at nursery for 2 mornings a week quite soon into his placement and after the 1st term, upped this to 3. He has thrived there and is a popular member of his class.I dont work, but have to admit enjoying a few hours a week to myself, and its been good to meet some mums of younger children in our area. There is no way we would have started him there so early if he hadnt attended a nursery before, or if we had doubts that he would have coped. We didnt take the decision lightly and I certainly dont think every young adopted toddler would benefit in the same way.

Whilst it is clearly essential to consider the needs of the child, sometimes I think people overlook the needs of adopters here. If a few hours a week of respite in a well run, caring child are setting gave someone the little breather they needed to keep going the rest of the time, then I say bring it on. I am six weeks in and already look forward to school every day, I just need the me time! I don't think that makes me a bad person or means that I am neglecting my child, quite the contrary - I couldn't do 24/7 care, I'd be an emotional mess. What matters is the quality of time together.

There is economic theory that says giving parents the money so they can choose eg nursery or to delay going back to work, is best. It's yhe lement of choice. Trouble is governments and many voters don't trust other people not to waste the money by spending it on cigaretters or drink.As to the Imps, one who came to us at 3m did nursery from age 2 to age 3. It was respite for me and fear that he would not sociliase. Actually he hated it, and was so much happier. I wish I had been supported to see it was wrong for him.The other came at 11m and started at preschool age 3. He grew into it slowly -- it might have been better to wait longer.I think the government would do much better to trust parents to do a good job of bringing up children, and to support them. It really frightens me that changes in pension and child benefit really penalise families where one partner stays at home with children and build emotionally secure, confident, individually stimulated little people..

I feel very angry about this. Government after government claims that they suppport "choice" when, in fact, they're just supporting parents returning to work.I find it hard to see ANYTHING positive for a child of two going into some sort of institutional childcare (as opposed to one to one childcare) and a lot of potential damage - and even worse for traumatised kids.My wife does bank work in a number of nurseries and she hates most of them because she sees how poorly they meet the children's needs and how little the staff interact with the children.Corkwing

Rutinha, I'm reading Oliver James' "How not to f*** them up".He believes under 3s benefit from the minimum number of carers possible. (He is talking about BC, not adoptees).In my 'when I win the lottery' daydream, both post adoption therapeutic support and funding for 1 adoptive parent to reduce/quit work are things that I would like to invest in.When we were going through HS, I was talking about 15hrs state funded nursery, SW thought i meant day care. Her words were "we're not going to give you a child so you can put it in daycare".

Our as was placed at 2y2m jan 2012, we kept him at home but went to local group once a week during thd summer and in sept 2012 he went to nursery for 10 hrs a week using funding our la had for children with additional needs. Hes now at the same nursery for his 15 hours from the government. Goes every afternoon but come will be 2 full days and one moning.

I think it is completely individual to each child and situation. My LO (now nearly 6) goes to after-school as well as reception class. It is a long day (8.30-4.30), but given the choice she would go rather than be at home with me. If I come earlier then she asks if she can stay longer to play with the other children. In some ways she finds it easier to cope with than spending time with me, as her attachment is insecure and ambivalent, and therefore our relationship is quite intense. Also she is very active (probably some sensory processing issues, we're just working that out) so she is constantly in motion. We both get a break, and it works for us.The staff are excellent, and all seem to really enjoy their work and being with the children (and I've dropped in at varying times, so it's not just for show at drop off/pick up time!). The time is structured and the activities are engaging, plus with free time to run around outside.The reality is that as a single person I need to work - and as her previous respite carer I had already become the most consistent adult in her life (and that of her sister). They chose to make me their 'forever' mum - and having known them for 3 years I felt I could meet their needs. The ability of both to handle school/daycare was part of that.Which is a long way of saying that long hours of childcare work for us - it meets her needs as well as mine. The high standard of care is a big part of the picture, though.

It's just annoying to me that the Government is so keen on communal childcare to the point where they even fund it but you get nothing if you choose a different route.Yes, there are people who need nurseries to stay sane, and there are people whose children love other kids and need to be in a busy environment.But why not pay for your own nursery place if that's what you want?