I am a mother of 2 adopted children; a boy now 18 (adopted at 17 weeks) and a girl now 15 (adopted at 14 months). Our daughter has complex needs and has always been a challenge to parent. She has a range of diagnoses but the one that has impacted on our family the most is her severe attachment disorder. As she got older the issues intensified and impacted on the happiness of the whole family. We have sought various therapeutic resources over the years and have had amazing support from PAST but sadly we reached the stage where we were no longer able to keep our daughter or our family safe. We had to make the difficult decision to place her in care. She has settled with a fantastic foster family and we now have more real contact with our daughter than before. I wondered if there was anyone in a similar position who would be happy to talk to me, so we can help each other through this situation, a situation that I never envisaged I would be in.
Adoption Breakdown
There are quite a few families who are parenting from a distance although possibly not on here.
Have you cone across the Potato Group? They have a website and a very active closed/private Facebook group.
Might be worth a Google.
You’re not the first and won’t be the last. Sadly some children simply aren’t able to live safest within a family.
Sending love x
Found it
Hi, Can i ask how you requested this as have the same thing with my 15 yr old son. Lots of child on parent violence, coercion, intimidation and am at breaking point.i also need to consider my 13 yr old daughter who receives abuse from him too.
@EarthyFox - I'm really sorry to hear that. I contacted Duty Social Worker and started the process of making a section 20 application under the 1989 Children's Act. Are you getting any support from Social Services? I used Post Adoption Service Team for many years and they were wonderful. You could also contact the Potato Group as Donatella suggested above; I have been in touch with them and you will find lots of support there. Keep strong
Thank you. Yes I have post adoption support and am also with the MASH team with our local council as I had to call the police because of incident pre Xmas. He is waiting for a psychological report, and school are also in the process of an emergency Ed Psych. So much going on. I chatted with my Post Adopt worker and mentioned a Section 20 to her as no one would remove him. I am just at the point where I am unable to keep ourselves safe or him now....... very sad. School are supporting as well but when he is 16 he can make the choice to leave. Would you be able to share to me what responsibility you now have and how a section 20 works? My Ex husband is coming to the decision of this as well....... as he is the same when at his house. We have had PAS for nearly 3 years now, various therapies, OT's etc and get short bursts of 'normality' but episodes are few and far behind. Thank you x
Oh and im in the process of contacting the Potato Group and about to start an NVR course as well.
Earthyfox,
Just a thought , does your son have ADHD? if so ask his doctor about risperdone (not sure if I have spelt that right) - it will help to lessen the violence. The son of a friend of mine was violent and he took a very small dose of this drug and it helped enormously.
sending hugs xxxx
also just to add - you say you are with MASH - i think you will need more support then MASH can provide. My AD (15) also has a range of diagnoses and has violent tantrums. years ago we were referred to MASH and not very much support put in place. We too had a violent incident late last year and we are now back with social service involvement and they have now classed both my AD and her younger brother as Children in Need and this has put more support in place. It is the next level up from the MASH . Maybe worth also asking about this - part of the plan is for me and my husband to access a NVR course and for life story work for my AD. xxx
I would request to join the Potato Group as there are many people with a range of experiences who may be able to signpost you.
In regard to the Section 20 - I have attached a link below which gives an explanation to the legal aspects. Our SW made a Front Door Referral and then it progressed from there - our case was picked up by the Adolescent SW team and we had to attend various meetings. But it was clear that we were beyond the position of help with respite etc as we had done everything in our power and more to avoid being in that situation.
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/section-20-accomodation/
I am happy to contact you if you want to give me your email address x
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