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Hi Hannahjsmith - with our referees, our LA stipulated that only one needed to be a family member. They did not 'contact family anyway' - just the person named family referee. There was no requirement that any of the referees had to have children (some did, some didn't), but sw chose to interview the ones who did - and asked lots of questions about how we interact with their children and how they would feel if a potential adoptive child of ours hurt their kids either verbally or physically - and other questions along those lines. Mainly I think because of the strong crossover between referees and support network.Most of our referess were local; as the sw doesn't travel very far to do the interviews (all done in our home). We had to fly the family member to our current location to be interviewed. As the sw is trying to get a 'rounded' picture of you and your partner, referees who know you both well would be preferable. Hope that helps in some way. RRH

Thank you Red Riding Hood - eek I didn't even consider having to fly someone in to talk to the SW! All do-able of course and not a problem, just something that hadn't even crossed my mind!

Each LA has different rules about refs how many and who. Most want at least one family member. The rest, they want to know;You are who you say you areYou do the job you say you doYou have no history of violenceYou can make and maintain relationships over a long period of time. YOU INTERACT well with children. The law says personal refs must have known you at least two years-our LA wanted to know you can maintain relationships for longer than that and had a minimum of 5 years for at least one referee. They will either go out to visit your referees or ask them to come to their office if they live a very long way away. The other thing to bear in mind is that they would like at least one or two referees to be local. Just to show you are not totally isolated.

We had to have 3refs. each and they could not bethe same for both of us, so 6 in all.It had to be one family member each. The SW went to near by refs, but my sister had to come to my house.Then 2 other refs each , we could have a couple so wife was my ref and her partner was my husbands ref.They were keen to have a ref that had seen us with children.Our work also had to give a written ref. They must of been sent a standard form of things to include as they were asked what we were like with children/ could we be trusted. The thing is we don't work with children so they would have no idea.

We needed- someone from each side of the family- someone who knew us for a long time (one each)- people who knew us as a couple- people who had seen us ineract with children(these can of course overlap)Ours were sent a questionaire, and then they followed up with a visit to only 2 or 3 referees, my Mum and Dad, and then 1 or 2 (can't remember) couples who had known us for some time and who had seen us interact with their children.Hope this helps.Kanga2ps you may wish to consider a less indetifiable user name.

I have sent you a private message - see the link at the top right of this page to read it.Bovary

Choose your referees very carefully... Our referees were very important, the SW was a bit unsure of us once she had visited one of our family members as they were very defensive and would not accept any criticism of us, understandably so, but that all changed when she had visited the rest of our referees.Make sure you brief your referees carefully! They need to understand that the SW may want to discuss weak points (our LA refer to these as 'less strong strengths!!!) and strong points. We steered our SW towards friends with children, especially those we had looked after and this helped. It also helps if they know you both!Good luck!Al42

Hi,We had to have 3 referees, one could be a family member.We had a)My sister who has 2 childrenb)Very good friends/neighbours who we've known for 5 years and are retiredc)A friend who we both worked with who has 2 childrenGood luckmilly1

they may also want to talk to referees who have had some contact with you through parts of your history ie how did you handle fertility treatment. the answer they are looking for is that you do ahve weakensses but you know what they are and are not afraid to get help in times of trouble!mrsalso might help if your referees are important players in your support network as they can talk about how you will handle the future as well as the past

It is a good idea if possible to have a referee that has children and even better to have one where you know and interact with their children.This could be your best friend or a sister/brother where you are close to nieces and nephews.