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Well in theory it has nothing to do with her but in reality she will be contacted - as will the children - during the process and most likely interviewed. I have no direct experience - I had no children with my so he wasn't contacted - but I know people have had similar experiences with exes. Is she open to reason? I guess her kids have come first so far and now she's feeling threatened. Can she be reassured that her children won't be pushed out or abandoned? Is it possible to have an adult conversation with her. Sws are used to speaking with ex partners. Most will be able to see through them - but given that it's likely that she will be seen and interviewed then it may be worth talking to her if you can.

Thanks for the reply. I am also dreading the sw speaking to her because I can nearly guarantee she'll have a pack of lies to tell. She's not the kind of person you could have a sensible conversation with, she's one of these people who think the world owes her a living. I'm just hoping that the sw's are used to demented ex's and don't believe what ever concoction of lies she makes up.

Also another gripe of hers is that when we get married next year that being his wife I will be entitled to half of everything of his, we are by no means rich, we haven't got much but what we do have we have both worked hard for & she has never worked a day in her life& is used to getting everything handed to her on a plate. I could write a book on her haha

Well you can do one of three things in my view you can discuss this over email so you pretty much have evidence of her pretty much trying to black mail you. Do the will and just do a new one once you have adopted Or just tell her you wont here of such a thing put ss in the picture about her being diffcult and call exs bluff . Cant really say more but good luck with you journey

I think If he writes a will before you get married it will be null and void once you are married, so do check this out with a solicitor. If I were the sw I would want to know that the adopted child would be provided for and so both of you making wills might be part of the deal. I know in my will I specifically mentioned that all my grandchildren birth or adopted were entitled to claims on my estate and as our only son is 14 we don't have any grandchildren yet, but my solicitor said by making it crystal clear in my will, it would be hard to contest. It does sound like you will need legal advice and if you're an AUK member they do offer some limited free advice to point you in the right direction and may also have fact sheets relating to this. I wouldn't worry too much about the ex, sws can usually see through them and see why your fiancé left them! All the best

Thanks for all your replies, I'm just scared she's going to wreck this for us, I hope she shows herself up in front of the sw.

I think the agencies and las are quite aware there are some vicious nasty back talkers as ex's Tbh that's probably why they are ex's! They generally bear in mind things you've said etc

One of things we know others with 'sad' exes (I like to call them sad, rather than bad ;) !!!) have said, is SW's are clued up about their games, but are more interested in how you as a couple, and your partner deal with it; for example, how do you both try and encourage a healthy relationship with his BC, despite their mother having an unhealthy attitude?? Think about how you will answer and show this.....the BC will always be around in his life and its this relationship and how he manages the situ they will be interested in...poisonous exes they're used to, but your reaction to the situ is what interests them - how does you partner react when the ex treats you as it seems she does; how does he promote a healthy relationship between you and his BC; how does it make you feel - and dont think its a bad idea for him/you both to show you understand and have empathy about her feeling threatened and concerns for her children's future "and this is how you deal with it" type of stuff - this is what SW's will prob ask you......as long as you both discuss this and come up with ways how you can demonstrate it positively to the SW, I wouldn't worry too much....

Such a good point made by Taliesin!!

To be honest when she says nasty stuff about us we don't take her on, sticks & stones. We don't live in the same town so I never see her. My fiance just has to put up with her when he's lifting kids, sone days she's normal some days she's not. She's like jeckle & hyde. I know my fiancé will always treat his kids right & she really doesn't need to worry about this. I think she just likes to be in control & when she can't be she tries to start a fight threatening him to stop the kids seeing him to get her own way. The kids always win her round but & I adore them & we have a great relationship.

I think you and your fiance should make wills. If these wills are made "in contemplation of marriage" then they won't become void if you marry. The situation is complicated if there are stepchidlren, particularly if there is another parent involved. You need to think very carefully about what should happen if one or other of you dies young or if you both die together. Clearly the simplest solution is for each of you to leave everything to the other, in the expectation that the survivor will provide for all of the children (including the step children) but that if you both die, the money is divided between the children (step and adopted) in a way that seems fair with a responsible person (who need not be the ex) in charge of the money until the children reach a sensible age. I would recommend seeing a solicitor - most don't charge a lot for making wills and remember, the solicitor does not need to be your executor. Sorting this sort of thing out now will help demonstrate to the SW a responsible attitude towards the stepchildren and of course enables you to discuss the situation openly with both them and the ex.