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Meet and Greet
scatty
October 27, 2011 17:40
Sorry if this is a bit rambling trying to get my thoughts together.Just come back from our 2nd appt with a CAMHS phsyciatrist. We have spent the last couple of years having therapy through PAS for DS to treat attachment issues and we were referred to her for a possible melatonin prescription. She has done an assessment which shows that there are physical signs of brain immaturity caused by BM''s alcohol/substance abuse. This manifests in DS as emotional/behavioural issues and extreme anxiety.The main problem we have had with school is that these issues do not really show up there but at home. He is occasionally a bit disruptive/silly but they have none of the aggressive outbursts we have at home. However school is often the source of his anxiety. The phsyciatrist has suggested that he has an adult there to personally greet him each day and check if he is OK, someone that he knows will be there for him if he has any worries.My concern with this is that in a small school like ours it might make him feel singled out and he hates to stand out. He can''t even bear going up to get an achievement award in assembly. I feel he might nod if someone says hello to them but he wouldn''t turn to them with any concerns. It''s like pulling teeth for us to get out of him what his worries are.I would be happy to risk this if I thought it would be effective but I''m not convinced that it would really help allay his anxieties around school.Has anybody else''s child had this. an adult not to work with them but just greet them and be there to turn to? If so has it been useful?
Donatella
October 27, 2011 18:06
I think it's a very good idea and if the school handle it sensitively it can work very well. Having a key adult is something that Louise Bomber talks a lot about in her book. It doesn't have to be intrusive - it could be the class TA or maybe one of the other teachers with whom he has a close relationship. Just someone to say hello and check that his anxiety levels aren't through the roof.
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Patanya
October 27, 2011 18:36
Not sure if this would work but is there an older child at the school who could be a ' friend' and greet him each day and be someone he could go to if upset? Only reason I say this is friends child had similar issue and school had team of older children who acted as friends to children being bullied or had issues at playtime or coming to school. Obviously school would need to be involved.TA also sounds like good idea.
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turtle
October 27, 2011 19:14
Works a treat for my dd
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scatty
October 27, 2011 20:01
Thank you for your replies.Patanya, thanks for the idea DS is in year 3 of a village primary school so there are very few children older than him and he sees them more as friends.Donatella, I read the Louise Bomber book but it was so long ago I've forgotten a lot of it, I obviously need to re-read it. Thank you for mentioning that.Turtle, glad it works for your DD.I've got my head a bit together now, still trying to adjust to the fact that we are dealing with definite physical trauma not just emotional. We have parents evening next week and I am going to ask if his class teacher can be the appropriate adult. We were worried about the transition into Year 3 but he has formed a good relationship with his new teacher who is the only adult male in the school.Thanks again
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WILLOW
October 28, 2011 19:08
Something a bit obvious which is not a direct response to your question... Bare with me...You mention in your post that getting things out of your son is terribly difficult, that he does not show anything outside home (did I get this right?). I just wanted to say that we had different issues with our children since we adopted a sibling group of 4 so understanding each of their "needs" was far from obvious. PLAY THERAPY for all 4 in separate one to one sessions worked amazingly well for us! On the 1st session, our DD was talking about "good mummy fighting away bad mummy", when she never talks about anything, bottles everything up... And same for all 4 of them, we thought that our oldest had things to get out of his system and how surprise were we when we got more out of the 3 others than him!My point is that although this is not what you asked for, you seem to have a son who doesn't always express his feeling and through play therapy, he might do. Just an idea...
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Dolphin Mum
October 28, 2011 21:33
We moved my daughter to a new school when she was in yr 4. The head of this school was particularly clued up about attachment and anxiety. She made sure ALL the staff in the school were also clued up.She "assigned" one dinner controller to watch out for our daughter. This perticular person would,at the beginning, ask for help from our daughter and so get to know her. She was able very quickly to note the behaviours she exhibited when she was getting agitated.The significant adults at other times were the receptionists. Going to the office became a "safe place" for our daughter. Nothing was said to her. They did not ask what was wrong, they simply gave her a job to do. Sometimes her class teacher would send her to the office when she noticed she was getting over excited or anxious. This would just give her the time she needed to re adjust and become grounded again.It was also VERY useful when there were any "sensitive" issues as she could just be asked to take a note to the office-and they would just say to her "before you go back could you help with...."Our daughter also got on very well with her teacher who she had in yr 5 and 6. If she told us of any worries/concerns about school we would go and see her teacher together at a convenient time. This way our daughter knew her teacher was aware of the problem and would support her.She is now in yr 10. In her secondary school the Senco is her "safe adult". She has an exit card which she can use whenever she needs and go and see the Senco or the Senco assistant. Mostly this works well.
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Cheeseontoast
October 29, 2011 12:45
Last year when my son was in crisis (though not admitting it!) we used a TA for this (more around breaks than first thing). She used a basic thumbs up (or medium or down!) for him to signal how he was feeling before and after breaks. The plan was that if he signalled "good" after break and then feedback from break was that it wasn't good she would talk it through with him, if all was genuinely well then he could carry on as normal. He wasn't massively enthused, but it did seem to regulate him and improve the presenting problems which were around safety/feeling safe etc. And I don't think it made him stand out, she worked hard to avoid this. And this in a small school (about 120 all told).
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Pear Tree
October 29, 2011 20:24
I wonder if he could have a 'job' to do?Sharpening pencils, neatening up the books, sorting out the worksheets and the pens are very calming ordering brain activities that will help him settleAnother tip is to have a photo of each lessons equipment on a key ring so he knows what's coming nextPartridge was always the same at school as your lad he would clench his fists on the way home for every upsetting moment...I also think 30 mins coffee every wk with the meet and greet on your own (sainsbury costa or whatever) is a big helpMake sure the meet and greet has a good back up in case of sickness etc.Pear tree
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Starlight
October 30, 2011 21:24
Sorry, very quick reply...My son started to have a key worker for a 'meet and greet' about a year ago. It really helped for a period of time, but as his issues increased with age/changes etc.. we pushed for a statement instead. My opinion is that if its on offer - take it!
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