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We had to rewrite our son's to be more appropriate but it lives on a bookshelf accessible to him. Periodically he takes it down and asks us to read it to him .... it is done using the Joy Rees method - so starts with where he is now (well was 3 years ago when I re wrote it) and then goes back to the beginning and works forward again. Our son was in care from birth but had contact for the first 20 months of his life. However he only recognises birth parents because we talk about them. we also have talked about adoption with him from when he moved in (at just gone 2) - and only now at 8 does he really shows signs of understanding what it means. But it is part of our everyday life so he has said for a number of years I am his third Mummy to people......

Thanks!

I would completely support everything Gilreth said. We started over 6 months in, only waiting because we were waiting for the actual books. It was so much info (2 huge ring binders full) we then rewrote using the Joy Rees method with help from our SW. Kids were 3 and 5 first time they used and they responded well, they don’t look at them loads but they’ve been invaluable in us telling them their story.

I have never shown my children their life story books to be honest. My son's is wildly inappropriate and inaccurate (for instance, referring to his "new mummy and daddy" - I adopted as a single adopter!) and my daughter's never materialised. Now, 2 years after her adoption I have given up asking. However, I fostered both of mine before I adopted them so I am in the unusual situation of knowing quite a lot about their birth families, especially for my son, so can answer questions etc. Not having a life story book for my daughter means we have no photos at all of anybody in her family, which is a real shame. Anyway, this thread has given me a much-needed reminder that I need to get on and re-do my son's book!

My son was adopted at 5 years so he had quite a few memories of birth family. However, I did notice that you mention that your children didn't ask too many questions and this is something that I've noticed with my son. I think for the most part he just likes getting on with his life and doesn't want to think too much about this aspect of his life. I know that he is intensely private and doesn't like to talk about adoption / birth family outside the house at all. It is something that he feels sets him apart from his peers and he has experienced some bullying about it too.

Anyway, I'm rambling a little here, just trying to say that "not wanting to talk about it" is something I can relate to and I've found it difficult to find opportunities to talk about adoption with him, in a way that doesn't feel forced. AS knew lots about his early life anyway and whenever he has given me his rare insights into his thoughts about his birth family, his understanding and perspective have mostly been good, I haven't felt the need to keep talking about it much, although sometimes I worry that perhaps I *should* be talking about it more.

About the life story book. He does have his life story book in his room - he occasionally looks at it, but is just as likely to look at the photo albums in his room, both those from his foster care years and the later ones too.

As with many of the above, my son's book made by the SWs wasn't really appropriate - it's not actually too badly done (partly because they sent me a draft and I made them edit it loads, including removing several daft pages about what his birth stone was and a bunch of famous people who share his birthday!) but it has way too much info in (he was only 1 at placement, and they admitted it was written for a 9/10 year old). So I bought a blank board book and have used photos from the original book to make a very simple version. I started making it when he was first with me, but only got around to finishing it a few weeks ago. He's been with me 4 years and we have shared his story verbally often, and he sometimes makes comments or asks questions which shows that he is processing some of it. I thought he would be really interested in the actual book with photos in, but he sat with me to read through it once, and was done! It's on the book shelf now though, so the option is there if he wants to look at it and talk about it more.

We just had a photo album too - with names of people etc. We just had it lying around for them to look at. When they are little it is a good way of talking about their life and introducing the idea of adoption - so it is all quite natural to them to talk about and is always seen as part of who they are. I think on some level children - even very young ones - "know" what has happened to them - they just can't verbalise it - so need a way of doing so. Once they are at school they often have to bring in picture of themselves as a baby anyway so need to be familiar with their history. I think the longer it goes on it then becomes more keeping something from them rather than being open and honest with them.