Edited 17/02/2021
New here and thinking about adoption in the future
arjaye2015
March 18, 2015 01:56
Hi to all! I'm a new member of this forum and I'm thinking of the possibilities of adoption in the future. I'm 33 y.o. and married to my husband who is 49. We are a mixed race couple, me a Filipino and hubby is British. Before we got married, I know my husband doesn't want to have another baby (he has 2 grown up kids who are already in their 20s). The reason being is his health. He is considered as disabled. He has a progressive condition of a rare type of arthritis and he said he wouldn't be able to cope with all the baby duties like the constant crying, changing nappies, waking up in the middle of the night and such. He can't even handle it when I wake him up in the middle of the night (for various silly reasons like me taking all the quilt or just staying up so late, like now haha) coz his condition gets bad if he didn't get a good sleep at night. Although he said that if I really want to have a child (which I really do), we can adopt an older kid, coz he doesn't mind it when the kid is already at the age of 3 or 4. Now I don't mind adopting because being a mother doesn't necessarily mean the kid should come from your own womb. But I'm just wondering if this situation that my hubby and I have and the reasons are enough to consider adoption. At the moment we are not financially ready to have a kid yet, but in 2 or 3 years time, I'm sure I'd be wanting to have a kid more than ever coz I'm not getting any younger. Any advice and input will be appreciated.
arjaye2015
March 18, 2015 08:47
Thanks for your comments. By the way, my husband wasn't married with his adult kids' mum and not even in talking condition with her ever since they separated when their kids were still small. We both see the 2 adult kids supposedly weekly but they have their own will to whether turn up or not. They don't really bother unless they want money from him or my in-laws. My husband always told me that whatever we decide with our lives will involve only both of us and not them. I'm not sure how his adult kids' mum be involve with the adoption process.
Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda
March 18, 2015 09:27
No you are right that you don't have to give birth to be a mum, but you do both not only want to have children but also to adopt. Adoption isn't an easy route to avoiding nappies and teething. I think you need to do a lot of research to understand how and why children end up needing to find an adoptive family and the impact this has on them. A three year old is not an easy option. As you will find if you do start the adoption process, I'm afraid the control and decision making is not in your hands, its SWs who have the power. They will delve into the reasons why you want to adopt and will want to be assured that you have come to terms with not having birth children. They will also want to discuss previous relationships, particularly where children where involved. That's just the way it is, its the same for everyone.
Edited 17/02/2021
arjaye2015
March 18, 2015 09:55
Thank you for all the comments. I know adoption is not easy and I know the process will be difficult and would not be in our hands. Hence I asked here in case our situation will be a valid reason to adopt. At the moment, we are not planning anything yet. I'm openning my options for the future though when we are financially and emotionally ready at the same time.
Edited 17/02/2021
goat
March 20, 2015 01:46
As you are saying you are at least a few years away from being ready, spend a lot of time chatting about if it what you both really want. You need to throw yourselves into it 100%. The actual process wasn't too stressful for us, but others aren't so lucky. Adopting an older child is a wonderful thing to do as so many find it hard to find parents. However, the fact that they are older means they will have probably experienced lengthy times in very poor circumstances. That said, as a Dad to a great little boy, placed at 5.5 , he is very happy, and so are we. It's hard but very much worth every moment. You are clearly at the very early stages of thinking about adoption, whatever you decide, the very best of luck.
Edited 17/02/2021
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