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Bed time routines

wee me August 5, 2013 10:37
Hi allOur lo is 7 and his foster carer had him in bed at 7 on a school night without DVDs etc and 8 on a non school night with an hours DVD time. Since coming to us last week we have tried keeping to this however we feel a bit guilty for the fact that the other kids are still having fun outside. I''m scared to alter the foster carer''s routine as she''s worked hard to get there but should we let him out a big longer or stick rigid to it? Wondering what his link worker might say. Also he does tend to push it and we have been a bit lenient as he''s just moved in.
Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella August 5, 2013 10:44
I wouldn't worry too much about others being outside. I'm guessing he's not yet at the stage of being allowed out there with them just yet?I have a 7 year old daughter. On a school night she gets taken to bed at approaching 8. We read but it can take her a while to settle. On a non school night - like now - she stays up till 9. I suppose it depends on how much you feel you need your time and space?
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Serrakunda August 5, 2013 16:25
I can symapthise,my neighbours let their much younger children stay out quite a bit later than I would want Simba to be out and his bedroom overlooks the garden so he can hear them. I cut him a bit of slack as its holidays, and also at the weekends, but there are limits, as I know he will be so cranky the next day if he doenst get enough sleepSimba was 7 when he came home and also had a bedtime of 7. To be honest this seemed a bit early to me, it meant we would be having tea at 5ish and with cubs and swimming lessons etc it was all such a rush to get in some calming down time before we get anywhere near bedxc. I changed bedtime to 8 on a school night and 8.30 on weekends and this suits us much better, I think I changed it after about 2 weeks. LO is your child now though, not FCs, and you will have a different life, different routines. If you think a later bed time would work for you why not try it, you can still be strict about it, just a bit later
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Shortbread August 5, 2013 17:02
Thats a tricky one. I've recently been at an event where parents and FC's were speaking about having children in bed at 7 so they had the evening to themselves. With a school aged child I would feel guilty as DS would have very little time at home as his school day is 6.5hrs long.DS is 9yr old, he has sleep issues so we need routine. On a school night we aim for him to be in bed by 8.15 or 8.30, bedtime story finished by 9.00p.m. During the holidays and at weekends I allow a bit later out playing in the garden or watching a DVD in bed, but I still need to be careful due to his sleep issues, he needs time to catch up on his sleep. If you feel the time is too early you might want to consider making it a bit later, at 7.00 my son didn't have a lot of understanding of time, even now I've to tell him its late, he doesn't realise it. So perhaps if you make it later but stick to the same routine it may work? We stick to the same routine whether it be school night or weekend, he may get up later but then its same routine, wash/bath, pj's, supper and story or movie at weekend. I hope things are going well, 7 is a fab age, congratulations.
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Shortbread August 5, 2013 17:04
I mean to add that we have a movie night together at the weekend, DS stays up a bit later and we watch a movie together, its now a ritual that he loves. He chooses to have movie night even when his friend is available for outside playing :-)
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Pear Tree August 5, 2013 17:08
Difficult, especially as they're having fun out there and you want to spend time with happy ds!But I'd be reticent about pushing bedtime beyond 8pm It's obviously entirely up to you and to an extent your parenting style and 'mummy/daddy meter' on this but 8pm is probably about right IMO bedtime wiseRoutines are important to have in the early daysI'm sure one reason things are going well is because of that routine I'm so pleased for you all, home together at last
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soon2be3 August 5, 2013 18:06
HiMy AS came home at 7.5 years of age. He was in bed about 7.00pm, bedtime story etc and asleep by 7.30pm. He slept really well the first 6 months. I feel he needed his sleep to allow his brain chance to process all the new experiences etc. over time, bedtime has got later and we have had lots of sleep issues, separation anxiety etc. AS is now nearly 10 years old and is on Melatoin which is helping him sleep for about 11.5 hours a night. Some people say this is too much but he needs it! He as also grown over 20cm in 2.5 years! Is you AS finding it difficult to go off to sleep at 7pm? Is he waking early? If no, I would say leave it as it is as he needs it. If he has problems going off or waking early, try making bedtime a little later.Also, you need time to catch up and recharge your batteries in the evening and time for you to process everything before you can go to sleep.
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Milly August 5, 2013 22:23
Maybe my two are unusual but I have found they tend to need more sleep than the average child. My 8 year old has only recently started going to bed around 8.00 to 8.30 . We only changed it from 7.30 as she was finding it hard to drop off (but not due to anxiety as has sometimes been the case). Even so she will often sleep for 12 or more hours at weekends, as if she needs to catch up. When she came to us at two she had the reputation of being pretty cranky and I guessed some of that was down to lack of sleep and I actually increased her sleep time - it was easy so she clearly needed it. Sure enough, being tired makes her cranky, and most of the time she is not like that. I'd be wary of changing things too quickly especially as he will have a lot to process after his recent move. We don't have kids playing outside locally, which helps, but in any case, playing like that just before bedtime wouldn't be a good idea - a period of calmer activity is best. If it suits you and you really want to change it, try moving it by only 15 minutes at a time (regardless of whether he can tell the time, you are resetting his body clock). But personally I would wait and see and enjoy your evening!
Edited 17/02/2021
kstar August 5, 2013 23:51
Similar to Serrakunda, I have pushed the evening routine back because it didn't suit me. 7pm bed meant bath at 6pm which meant evening meal at 5pm. Once she started school, it meant I was basically giving her about 45 mins quality time after school! She now goes to bed at 8 to be asleep for 8.30 and gets up for school at 7.30. Now in the holidays I have pushed it back another half hour because I find evenings are great for our bonding - long bath time with lots of play, stories, DVD together etc. I personally found the routine as in how things were done was more important than time... She can't tell time anyway!!
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Monkey Magic August 6, 2013 19:13
One thing you have to bear in mind is what time they get up in the morning.My children go to bed early (6.30 for 7pm sleep for LO and 7.30 for 8pm sleep for my 10-year old) but they get up at 6am.Personally I prefer my "me" time in the evenings rather than have a lie-in, in the mornings so you have to work out what suits you and your family.MM
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piglethh August 6, 2013 21:19
I also pushed my LO's bedtime back as she wasn't sleeping and it increased messing around time and got her more stressed. Mind you in the beginning I was desperate to get her to sleep so I could breath! Now I start the bedtime routine at 7 (7.30 on weekends) and hope that she is asleep by 8.30/9.Luckily as my LO is a born tell-tale if she hears kids outside she says that there mummies shouldn't let them stay up so late!Adoptive mum to little legs (6)
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Flosskirk August 7, 2013 12:39
Hii just wanted to query the hour of dvd in bed - that seems very odd to me. Getting them ready for bed usually involves wind-down activities like a bath and snuggles and a story and maybe a cup of hot chocolate or something. Going off to bed on your own with a dvd seems awfully lonely and 'wiring' up.Would also query him being outside playing for long periods of time so early into placement. The priority right now is for him to bond with you - practising intimate relationships. You don't have to do this when you are playing with other kids - it can be easier for them to do this, especially if they have a slightly avoidant attachment style. What would he do if you asked him to stay in with you and watch a film instead? If he gets anxious, I would consider that useful information and try to get him to spend more time with you and less with the kids outdoors.
Edited 17/02/2021

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