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What outcome do you want? An intervention in real terms is when a person is confronted by one or a group with the aim of getting that person to accept professional help? Is that what you want for her? What support have you had? Has she had? Counselling, therapy etc. Underlying reasons for behaviour? Presumably you’ll not lend her the money - in which case you’ll tell her why? Is she likely to admit, to want to make amends, to understand why she did it ... if you only see her intermittently there must be good reasons for that. Do you really want to deal with the fallout from her stealing from someone else? I think I’d be inclined to let Bfamily manage. Though I understand as her mum you still want to support her

I think you should just tell her the truth - that bf are very angry she stole from b grandma - that you are worried she is getting herself into a dangerous situation with them. Think before you go what you are prepared to do to help her and what you think she could do to help herself - so you are clear in your own mind what your limits are and so it’s harder to suck you in. As Donatella says is there any practical help she could get - maybe even debt counselling or something - or the sort of things suggested above - to help her sort out whatever difficult situation she is in. Otherwise just keep it light and enjoy the time together

Thanks for your comments..helped me to clarify my yhoughts..however since then bfamily have posted hate messages, naming and shaming AD complete with photos, all over fb. It is a small town and I am already inundated with msjs from friends. Not sure AD is aware as she has no credit right now. Other people are sharing how she owes them or told them how terrible her Mum was..... now what can I do and say when I meet her today..

Whatever else you do / say, I think that you need to gently warn her that there is some not very nice stuff out there on Facebook about her. If she doesn't know already ( and someone may have texted her, or spoken to her if she is back in your country) then it's only fair, plus she will find out eventually and realise that you knew, so you can't really pretend you know nothing.

I would stick to the same plan - bf have just demonstrated exactly what they are like to everyone so that is a good thing - and if they did harm her in any way have shown their feelings in public before hand so again a positive. You can hardly ignore something that’s been stated so public ally anyway. It shows the bf (and lots of people) put money first - maybe that is why she took / takes it - some sort of test? Good luck with your meeting!

Just to add that if you are concerned for her welfare, tip off the domestic abuse unit at the local nick. They are really helpful

Thank you. I will be honest with AD but i very much doubt she will be. Always outwardly compliant, my daughter is a very deceitful, sly, self centred young woman. I am not sure I have/ever had much influence in her life. She has done some truly awful things over the years and staged some elaborate drawn out fabrications. She likes to bring other people into her dramas...mainly so they cant snitch on her without involving themselves too. With this kind of personality it is hard to know what will have any impact plus I have another daughter to consider. I used to post as kizim...we have history on here...but little progress

I remember you now. Yes, you are very wise to be cautious. Best Wishes

As I read it I wondered if you were kizim - I remember you well. Will PM :) But agree with the others, let her know what you've seen, but do not feel obliged to rescue her. Oyster's big breakthrough in beginning to have a bit of respect for other people was reaching 18 and realising quite sharply that there was no-one obliged to rescue her. Before that, however badly she behaved to others, there was at least a SW with responsibility for her safety. When there was no-one between her and living on the streets she got her act together... perhaps your DD needs the wake up call of threats from BF? Also, I think for some young people, there capacity to have genuine reciprocal relationships has been destroyed. But they may be able to learn to comply with some basic norms if the consequences to themselves of not complying are unpleasant enough. Edited - is there a problem with PMs? Not sure if it went through?