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Hi Vicky It is so great to hear you are going to begin prep course yey!!I have two BDs and a little 5yr old AD just placed. My eldest BD is 22 and youngest BD is almost 13 and i cannot express to you how important it is you really listen to how your daughter feels throughout the process. If it possible try and go to some support groups where there are families who have adopted and include your daughter so she can make friends with children who are adopted or who have adopted siblings. Also ask your SW as you go through the home study if there are any families in a similar position or who have adopted with birth children that you could have contact with this could be a great support for your family and also help your daughter understand more about how this new addition will come into your family. I think reassurance is key so that during the process,matching, intros and placement your daughter always knows that you will have special time together even just a film and choccie!!as adoption does sap every thing out of you at times!! My own experience has been really difficult as my youngest BD despite 7yrs prep and 3 different social worker interviews and much excitement over adoption has reacted completely differently and not taken to LO at all.We are getting there but the worst feeling is split loyalty over a new LO and my daughter feeling so sad and upset. Think a big gap is better so they each have their place in the family well defined. It can be difficult with that age group but i think getting the right match for your family is really important and if you have a good social worker they will give you advice and help you prepare your daughter so dont be afraid to ask about support groups etcSorry to ramble but hope i`ve helped!! best wishes moo-chin

Thanks so much Moo-chin. Some great ideas and I will definitely talk to my social worker about people in the area who have adopted with birth children & contact the AUK support group too.I am a bit concerned that bd is so happy about it because she thinks she'll get a really cute little sister to play with whilst the reality will be hugely different! Thanks again for your help

We have three birth children who were 13, 11 and 9 when they persuaded us to adopt (OK - we didn't need much persuasion....and we were already short break foster carers...)We initially played 'devil's advocate' and gave them all a hard time, asking them all sorts of 'What if?' questions and trying to second guess all the objections of social workers etcWe were amazed at their answers, insight and tenacity.They promised us all sorts of help and support.They were very convincing.So we went ahead.They were so enthusiastic that I dread to think what would have happened if we hadn't been approved or matched - they would have been absolutely gutted.But we were - and our AS1 (nearly 5) was placed when our BC were 11, 13 and 15. Eleven years on our BC continue to keep every single promise they made. They are our most amazing support group. We took the approach of keeping them as informed and involved as they wanted to be at every stage. But that was how we parented generally.I'm sure you'll be able to find the right approach for your daughter. Good luck.BB

Thanks BB.

Hi VV,We are currently being approved and half way through our home visits/sessions.I have a 9 yr step son who is my wife's BC.We have been very open and honest with him and discusssed a variety of pro's and cons.He is very excited and has suprised us with some of his reponses.I mad a number of mind map sheets so we could all write down our questions or concerns realting to the process and then talk about them, our SW thought this was a good exercise and has taken them as part of our profile.Good luck on your journey.Take care.Biggers13.

Hi VV,My husband and I have been through our prep group and are half way through our home study. We have 2 BC aged 13 and 9 years. We chose not to mention 'adoption' until our home study was about to start as we wanted to gather as much information from the prep group before making the decision to proceed. As you can imagine, when we told our 2 BC they were delighted at the prospect of a younger sibling. We also played devils advocate and discussed all the challengies that we may potientially face at an age appropriate level. I purchased a book from BAAF which has pages for our children to complete so we are working through that. Despite being honest with them their enthusiasm has not diminished and I too worry how they would react should we not get to the end for whatever reason. Be prepared for lots and lots of work. Ive spent hours typing the infor required for our profile..Keep me posted. x

Hi, thanks Biggers & ML. Daughter still seems happy with everything so fingers crossed! My Prep Course starts very soon now and I'm so looking forward to moving forward even a little bit.Good luck with your own journeys!

Have read of my comments / questions on Treeflo's thread on this board called something like "further to contacting those with BC". It might give you some ideas about the types of behaviours to consider (gently).MMx