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Hi,

I adopted my son three years ago and he is now approaching 6. We are still waiting for a match, but it has been a rollercoaster for him to this point anyway. It would probably be different for your daughter anyway, as my son remembers quite a bit from his time with birth family and foster parents, but talk of adoption again had him asking lots of questions about his own journey and he got quite emotional and reverted a bit right at the start of the journey. It has been almost a year since he was aware that this would be happening and now the wait is starting to take its toll on him. Three families we know have had babies (birth children) during this time and he gets quite upset wanting to know why they have their sibling, but he doesn’t yet. He asked my friend if her son had to wait ages for his baby sister too and keeps asking when she will be here. No idea what he’ll be like when he does eventually have a sibling, but he is definitely very excited at the prospect.

I adopted twins nearly 4 years ago, And I’m heading to approval panel for the second time in March.

i attended a PAC training course called ‘and 1 more makes a whole lot more’ adopting a sibling. It was brilliant and I’d highly recommend. It was thought provoking, informative and fun! Ultimately gave me the confidence to go through the process again.

As long as you go into it with eyes wide open and accepting that there are no guarantees ... I’ve done it three times and we’re all still just about sane!

Think carefully about gender, age, background etc. Spending time with other children isn’t going to be the same as living with another child 24/7 - a child who may have no respect for her things? A child who may not be as straightforward as your lo currently is. And neither of whom want to share you.

We got through it but having three of 5 and under was hard going, especially as the younger two turned out to have unidentified additional needs and were quite difficult to parent at times. They took up an awful lot of time and it meant my eldest also had to live with some pretty challenging behaviours.

We are approved and waiting for second child at the moment. Sorry for jumping on this thread but i am keen to follow. Our daughter is 6 and excited about having a sibling. What is PAC and where did you do this training course ?

many thanks

Dear KBarns and Henry,

PAC-UK is an excellent organisation which offers Specialist therapy, counselling and training for everybody involved or, as they call it, affected by adoption.

You better google It. https://www.pac-uk.org

I’ve attended almost every course they offer. The courses are in London where their headquarters are though they are running a conference in Birmingham this June. Funding might be a problem for some families but you may want to approach your post-adoption SW to discuss. I don’t think the ASF can be used to pay for those courses though.

Regarding the course on adding siblings to a family, unfortunately they are not planing to run another one soon. I had to cancel mine as husband was very sick in Hospital that Thursday otherwise I would have met you smile 231! I’m however in contact with them for advice. They have suggested a book called “Brothers and Sisters through adoption” by Arleta James but i haven’t read more than 3 pages of the more than 1,000! (I don’t know if I’m exaggerating but it’s massive, a real textbook-I don’t have it with me otherwise I would tell you how many pages it has, but if you are not into reading or simple cannot get the time to read, don’t consider buying it). By the way KBarns, the book product description and the reviews on Amazon give a reasonable insight into adopting another child.

Worth giving PAC-UK a ring. I could ask when they are planing, or if they are, going to run another similar course.

Anyhow, the best advise so far (at least for me) has come from Donatella (I even suggested to write a book - and I’m serious).

Hope this is helpful.

Agape