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16 year old AD - sudden behaviour changes after starting new school

KatyD September 26, 2022 12:12

Please does anyone have any experience of this? We are beside ourselves with worry.

Our 16 year old AS started a new school for sixth form three weeks ago, but in that time, his behaviour has deteriorated suddenly and alarmingly. He had had times before when he would be really rude to teachers or others in authority (and of course us as his parents), but it now seems to be going out of control. Two weeks ago he became the most angry we have seen him, with him telling us he doesn't need us, or anyone else, leaving the house and not coming back until 1am, then refusing to sleep inside the house.

He has just been suspended from school for an aggressive incident. The school have been very good and are trying to understand him and what he needs, but the incident was so severe they felt they had no choice. They get that his anger is from a place of deep pain.

He is aware he gets overwhelmed by anger, but does not understand why. I am sure it is linked to his traumatic early years. He has seen a school counsellor twice and we were really encouraged to know that, but we are still left frightened about how his behaviour is ramping up in its extremeness, and what we can do to get help for him.

I would be really grateful if anyone has any thoughts. We have been in contact with our local authority social work team and are waiting to hear from them.

The Adoption UK helpline was also really useful.

Thanks x

September 27, 2022 14:13

Sounds very tough

is he communicating with you at all.

My first thought is that he is struggling with adapting to a new school, or maybe something has happened either in school or at home to trigger this?

Has he gone to the new school with friends?

Telling you he doesnt need you is suggestive to me that he is struggling with his identitiy as an adopted young person. Is there any contact with birth family - might he have been looking for them ? My son went through a very angry and aggressive stage when he was younger, in his early teens. We had theraputic life story work which was huge help to us.

Pom Bear April 27, 2023 15:49

Our daughter's behaviour at school always deteriorated when she was being targeted by other students or she was struggling in other some way. It seems that his behaviour has coincided with a new school so there must be link. Could it be the ramp up in academic expectations? Schools can put a lot of pressure on them for 6th form.

Has he made any friends? Has he told anyone he is adopted - some kids can be nasty if they find this out. Is he being left out? I'm a great one for batting it back to the school. He is struggling there and they need to help him. Can they ask a member of staff to keep an eye on him during break/lunch to see what, if anything is going on? What are is marks like for his work/homework? Can they see if he is struggling with the work? Schools can be quick to push it all back to the parents but every child has the right to an education. Put the pressure on them and be THAT parent!! Good luck.


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