Every time we think we've overcome the biggest hurdle, another even bigger and potentailly more dangerous one is put in our way.
Our two children are now young adults and continue to make poor friendship and relationship choices.
They can both find the most needy and vulnerable person in any room and then become part of some drama or other.
They seem to want to help the other party, and have even said, that as we have helped them, they can help others. That sounds nice in principle, but I feel that all the hard work and therapy we've been through gets unravelled with each new encounter. Our children are still not emotionally mature or stable enough to take on another person's issues. I think it is purely a distraction from dealing with their own vulnerabilities.
They are attracted in the main to those from very chaotic, broken homes, often with violence, drug use etc.
The friendships and romantic relationships generally end on bad terms, as is often the case with 2 vulnerable people, and with them comes chaos, sometimes threats and even follow through acts of vandalism and damage to our property.
We try to stay cool at the beginning when they meet somebody new (and the warning signs are flashing) and suggest that maybe this isn't the best relationship choice, but we also realise they have to make some mistakes to see it for themselves.
The issue now, is that they don't seem to be learning at all, and the fall out has reached our door on a number of ocassions. Myself and my partner don't always feel safe in our own home. Our children on the other hand are always sure it will be okay, and show little outward worry, whilst we curtain twitch, check the doors are locked and the alarm set.
We are completely exhausted by it all now and the more things that happen the less therapeutic we are. In all honesty, I feel about done at the minute.
The exhausted part of me craves peace and wants to tell them to take their drama and move out.
The therapeutic parent in me is saying, they still need a lot of help to understand what a good relationship is and that will work better whilst we are under the same roof.
We've dug deep for a lot of years and our own health has suffered immensely, and we have still put the children first, even when Ill.
Do we need to hang in there, or stand aside and offer to support them from the sidelines?