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Hi we have a birth son who is now 11 and AD who is now 3, she has been with us since 15months. There is no doubt that it was a shock for our BS but we kept him involved at all stages. Your kids may find it less of a shock as they will already be used to sharing with a sibling. our AD is adorable but very challenging and our BS has struggled at times and felt pushed out but he loves her and says he is glad we adopted. I think the large age gap has helped as their needs are very different and different sex also means she is less of a threat to him. Hope all goes well for you if you have any specific q's ask away

Hi !Likewise - we have a bs (12) and a newly adopted daughter of 15 months Its early days for us as she has only been with us for 6 weeks - but i dont regret it for 1 minute, bs however, may disagree. he has gone from centre of our world to having to share us and was not happy! didnt like us refering to us as her mum and dad, as we are his etc but everyday is getting progressively better. When he goes out for the day he brings her a little present and has a kiss for her when he comes home from school - so it seems like its going to be ok. I wont say it wont turn your bs world upside-down, but a good upside down hopefully and we love our little twinkle dearly already.If you have any questions please feel free to ask, and all the very best of luck.Cx

Hi Susie,How old are your BS?Midge

have pm you

we have 12 and 16 BC boys , the shock and problem hasn't been the adoption of our 7 year old , but the fact shes a girl ... wow they are SO different, she can wind them up by walking in the room !!!!I may move out when she's a teenager !!

hi, for us, it has been great on the whole, although challenging. We, like you, have 2 BC (girls) & that has been helpful for them as they have supported each other (especially when our energies were more taken up with our adopted boys.) We are over 2 years in now & we are feeling like a normal family most of the time. There are times when attachment issues/security, worries our oldest son but the girls are patient in this & try to give him the space he needs. They have also coped well with face to face contact with boys birth siblings this year.Yes - life was much easier before - but much richer now.PM me if you want any more info.

hi, i also have bs (now almost 12),and was 10 when little one came, my son is a quiet boy and little one has def helped bring him out of his shell abit. he loves her to bits and is a great big brother,i think the age gap has helped too. i make sure i have time alone with both aswell as family time together,and this seems to be working well.jen xx

Hi Midge,The boys are 8 & 10 Susie

for us the biggest impact was on my time. AS had many medical issues as an infant and spent a lot of time in hospital having major surgeries or recovering from chest or bowel infections. it was worst in his first 5 years and did settle down but he still spent a significant time ill up til he was 11 and the attention he needed did impact on my daughter particularly who got very jealous and would invent illnesses for herself!! he also needed a lot of attention at home due to his disability and medical needs.but that said both siblings love him to bits even though he also annoys them like mad as well. they are better now that he is more independant and are confident that I am not expecting them to take on his care if I was to pop my clogs any time soon (he has a severe learning disability).

HiWe like yourselves decided to adopt the opposite sex to our youngest bc who is a boy. This was the best thing we did as there is only 18 months between them and he is a quiet, sensitive boy and when she arrived she was quite aggressive especially towards him as she quickly decided that he was her main competition for our attention. Our two older children were 12 and 16 at the time and our son 7 and daughter 5.Yes our childrens nice quiet peaceful lives were disrupted, christmas, hols, birthdays for quite a few years which was difficult but now 5 years on it is mostly 'normal'. She is now nearly 11 and has grown up so much and i think my nagging is paying off, we can now go out for family meals again and get complimented on our childrens behaviour! We have stress free family gatherings and hols that are relaxing. our youngest son has benefited just as much as she has and they have a good relationship.I am smiling writing this as i still can't believe we are about there. Yes she still lies on a regular basis and has problems with friends but she has come so far and i am very proud of all of my children for getting through the last few years.Good luck, some things are worth fighting for...xxx

Wow, it's a long time since I was on these boards... I have really enjoyed reading this thread (and the one following - 'does anyone regret'...)It's been good to reacquaint myself with other people's experiences and remind myself we are not alone in our trials - or our joys!We have two BC (boys), now almost 14 & 11, and an AD, now aged 5 1/2. AD was 15 months when she joined our family, the boys were 6 and 9, so she's been with us for 4 1/2 years.I will be honest and say that adoption has made our family life immeasurably more complicated and harder work than it would have been. As parents, we bear the brunt of this, although the boys, particularly our younger birth son, have also been affected negatively in some ways. HOWEVER, adoption has enriched our family life in ways we could never have imagined, and the adoption of a GIRL has been a new and amazing adventure for all of us. Of course I have moments when I am ready to scream, but deep in my heart I am so so glad our AD came along to change our family life forever. 'Changed' - yes - 'ruined' - no! We have all grown, and continue to grow, because of the changes she has brought, and we are ALL the better for it! And of course the positive input we have all brought into her life is another story altogether...To anyone with birth children considering adoption I'd say, if you want things to be easy - don't do it. But if you are both committed to the hard work it will bring your way, then go for it, it could be one of the best things you ever doloveChocoholic

Hi, we have 3 BCs and our AS has been with us for seven months now. The age gap from him to our youngest BC is 5 years and 14 years between him and our eldest BC. So far so good. For me it has been a real voyage of discovery, parenting an AC is very different from parenting a BC. The working for and waiting for attachment, the indescribable joy that you feel when that attachment happens, learning about and understanding his personality, just being there and always coming back if you disappear. Parenting with 'others' always around, foster carers, contact with birth parents, social workers. Talk about crowded!! Our BCs love our little AS to bits, they all spend time with him, they all wanted to adopt, they all came on this journey with us and our family has most definitely been enriched by this little one. X

I think the points raised about gender are very interesting. I can really see that with a small age gap from bc to ac then different gender may be good. I had a big age gap - 9 years - and bs was VERY keen that ac should be a boy. I think that's worked well for him as he's enjoyed passing down his toys, skills and clothes and gets a real kick out of AS aspiring to be like him when he's bigger.I had said to SS that I wanted to adopt 1 or 2 children with at least one being a boy.I'm working on adopting again and have said either gender. We have possible match with a girl. I can see real pros and cons either way.