Edited 17/02/2021
Letterbox contact issues again.
chegirl
April 4, 2010 21:56
Hello all, Just dropping in, hope everyone is well.SS stopped letterbox contact with birth mum some time ago. She used to send direct to us but we got to the point where we had so much going on we asked SS to take over.As soon as they did they realised how inappropriate what she was sending was and asked her to moderate. She wouldnt and has refused to change on several occassions since.So she no longer sends anything.Birth grandmother has always been very good about sending cards on birthdays, easter, christmas etc. Never misses a one and sends money too. We have no objection to this and keep everything for DS to look at when he is ready.But things have changed and its causing difficulities. As well as Grandmother''s message she has started putting in ''from Mummy and your sister XXXX too''I know it seems trivial but it does alter things. DS doesnt know he has a sibling yet. I am not happy how its turned out but its a tricky subject. Birth mother had sibling not long after our birth daughter died, birth mother has never allowed us photos of sibling and will not allow any contact unless its a case of dropping DS at her house without any preparation or involvement from ss (yeah right). So no chance of DS meeting sibling.DS has special needs. Very hard to introduce a sibling and then say ''but you cant see her'' TBH I wouldnt know where to start.Anyway - any suggestions about what to do about messages in cards? I know I should bring it up but am reluctant (wimp) as I am just about to have a baby and its getting close to daughter''s anniversary and I really cant cope with birth mother rearing up. It would be the perfect excuse for her to start hassling us and causing grief and I do not wish to deal with that anytime soon.I am keeping all cards. DS (7yrs) cant read yet but will be able to in the next year or so. I feel like I am keeping something from him and it dosent feel right.Thanks
Lonsdale
April 7, 2010 16:44
just noticed this & it must be incredibly hard for you with everything else going on.One thing to consider is whether bm & sister were round at grandmother's when she was sorting out ds's card & she felt she had to include them or if bm was 'getting round ss' by involving grandmother.so concentrate on your family & address the 'sister' & bm issues when you feel you, dh & ds feel able to copel
Edited 17/02/2021
homerton
April 7, 2010 17:54
I suggest you send card back to post adoption support and ask the letter box coordinator to get her to send another one without mention of mother and sibling. You are perfectly entitled to decide when to share contact info with your son and it has to be the right time. As long as you keep all the cards there is no major issue here. Re new sibling best to tell him again when you are strong enough but better he know than not be old because he could hold this against you later on in life. I used to use a story book approach as each new sibling came along helped a little however still didn't stop the meltdowns. By sibling numer three we decided to give ourselves a break and share once grown up. unfortunately havoc scuppered these plans and discovered the three other siblings on an unplanned contact, I decided to play ignorant and don't regret this decision.there is only so much one person can deal with.
Edited 17/02/2021
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