Archived Forums

Advice about what ? Whether you should adopt? Can you unpick what's making you feel unsure. What do you feel is negative? Only you can make the decision about whether to adopt. I think most people agree that adoption is a bit of a gamble! You are always going to hear a range of experiences, ultimately you have to decide about whether you accept the risks. A lot of people come to this site and complain that its very negative, not enough positive stories but personally I feel that you have go take a bit of a different approach to it. I have a 10 year old, he came home 3 years ago today. He has ASD, learning difficulties and a few other bits and bobs that make life interesting. He is by no means the most challenging of children with his issues. He is still very, very hard work. We are just coming out of a particularly bad patch, he has been aggressive, angry, deficant and just plain bloody awkward. It's been a very difficult few months. At the root of this is his extreme anxiety. Having said that, my son is an amazing like boy. He has moved out of special school into mainstream school, took us a year to achieve but we got there. His school report this term was fantastic. He has just achieved his gold award in swimming, he has about 30 badges from Cubs and has just gone up to scouts. We go the theatre, movies, concerts, restaurants. Next week we are going to Morocco. We have quite a nice life. To achieve these we have to have lots of structures, routines and lots of preparation, we do very little off the cuff. It's hard but we get there. Is this positive or negative, I don't know. It's just our reality. If you adopt, it won't be the same as parenting your existing child. It will be different, it will be full of challenges, probably a lot of heartache. You will probably take pleasure and pride in what to many people are very small achievements. We are lucky, we have a very strong bond, we have always been able to talk and resolve our difficulties. I am optimistic for the future, but I worry about the teenage years. I don't regret adopting this amazing little person a bit. He is funny, charming, engaging, drop dead handsome, the bravest person I know, and annoying as they come. Just a little boy who needed a mummy and is thriving. If you can accept that this will be a different parenting experience, that there are huge uncertainties and no guarantees but the potential is great, then go for it. Personally I think it's no bad thing to have uncertainties, worries, concerns, it means you are really thinking about it and not rushing in thinking it's all going to be wonderful. Good luck!

I agree with Serrakunda. It will be a leap of faith and it won't be like having a birth child. Adoption most likely will always be a topic for you. My children devour books about adoption and we talk about it in one way or another on most days. The birth family will also always be with you through past traumas, behaviours, feelings, looks. We have embraced both and that's working well for us so far. My children don't have any issues that are noticeable to other people. They are doing great in every respect; we have a wonderful family life, they are happy and have lots of friends, they are very good at school and excel at their hobbies. They are adventurous, funny, lively, curious, loving, warm, cuddly, bright - to us they are dreams come true. We are working through their past nonetheless. I think we are a very close family partly because of that. My husband and I take our children's feelings very seriously and they are very good at identifying them and talking about them. Mostly we have a very "normal" family life though. I love nothing more than spending time with my kids. Maybe read some adoption diaries like "No matter what" by Sally Donavan to get a feel for it. "The Adoption Experience" and "Adopted Children talking" also were good books for that, if I remember correctly. Basically there won't be any guarantees. You can wish for whatever you consider the best, but have to be prepared for challenges and be okay with that. Good luck!

Hello, I agree with above only you know if you want to adopt; I always wanted birth children and after years of trying then falling sick I was told having my own children would be very difficult. We looked into IVF and for me I found this to be so stressful before anything started so I felt it was not for me. we also have a niece who lost her dad at a young age and we have helped bring her up so we realised that we did not need to be biological parents to be parents. we have a very positive story; I have a 18 month boy who has been with us from 8 months old; the whole process from start to him moving in took 9 months. He is amazing at present there are no signs that his early life is affecting him but I feel we wont know until he is older. He is a normal very active little boy and I could not imagine life without him. We were told getting to panel is the easiest bit however I feel each stage has its stresses in different ways. Only now we feel we are getting there into our stride. Best advice we did was talk to other people have adopted before we spoke to LA this really helped us understand. good luck

You might want to start a fresh thread. But basically to start the process you need to contact your LA, a VA or neighbouring authorities to see who's taking on prospective adopters. You'd need to think about age of child as well as abilities/disabilities you would be prepared to take on. At the moment, things are very slow - very few children in the system with a fair few considered hard to place. What do you want?