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Awkward questions

Giulio&Alberto July 7, 2021 08:48

Hello everyone!

I am in the process of adoption with my partner and the other day we were thinking about all the silly/awkward questions that people could ask us or our child at the park/supermarket etc.. like "where is the mum?" "who is the mum?" most of them are related to the fact that we are a male couple essentially.

Did anyone experience these questions? how did you answer?

Giulio & Alberto

Serrakunda27 July 7, 2021 17:48

In the kitchen chained to the cooker like a good little woman ?

In part I think it depends how nice you want to be, because its really no one else’s business.

If I saw two men out with a child I would assume one of two things, depending on the body language a. you are a same sex couple who have a child, b. you are a dad out with your child and your mate. It wouldnt occur to me to ask where the mother is. Id like to think that it wouldnt occur to any one else either, but being a slightly non traditional family myself ( Im white, my son is black) I know this won’t be the case.

You could just tell people to mind their own business, you could just say the simple truth, ie we are gay and this is our child.

I suspect that at least some people who ask would have ‘issues’ with you having a child, so it is opening things up for further interogation.

I hope some lBGT adopters will be along with some better advice. Its good to be prepared ! Good luck

Safia July 8, 2021 10:01

You could just keep it simple and say “we are their parents” - no need to explain and no confusion over the mother issue for your child (who does have a birth mum so you cannot they there is no mum or explain where she is)

DaddynotDad July 8, 2021 14:21

I think the answer Social Workers want to hear is you will politely say the child is adopted and 'we are their parents'. I get the impression these questions are asked to gauge your comfortableness towards people realising your LGBTQ+.

In reality 5 years into adoption with our son as a same sex male couple we have not had this question once. Maybe it is because we adopted our son when he was older (7) but people just dont tend to put thier foot in it.

Our son is very unashamably open about having 2 male parents and the first few times you get outed is a little strange but you get used to it. I think trying to network with other LGBTQ+ people has help our son and would recommend it.

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