Hi we are after some advice. We are pretty experienced adopters as we have a boy of 11, his birth brother aged 5 and a little girl (not related to the boys) of 13 months all adopted separately. Our little girl has been with her since birth. We consider ourselves to be extremely blessed, they are wonderful little people and we are very lucky. The dilemma we find ourselves in now is that our little girl’s birth mother is about to give birth and we have been approached to see if we would be-able to have the new baby. Obviously my heart says “yes of course” but we have some reservations. We adopted the birth brother of our eldest boy and would love to do the same for our little girl. But 4 children, with 2 so close together?!! Is there anyone else out there who has found themselves in a similar position? How do you manage 4 children on a practical and emotional level and how has it been for you? Or maybe had 2 so close together in age? Any help, advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
4 children!
Hi. I see you’ve not had a response so I’ll give it a go!
Obviously this is something only you and your partner can decide. I knew for sure that three kids and I was done. We were asked about a fourth but I knew it wouldn’t be right for us - at that point my existing children were 1, 2 and 5.
If you want another and would have had another anyway, then go ahead, if you’re only doing it to keep siblings together, to be fair to all children etc then think very carefully. Do you really want 4 children? What about the practicalities? Cars, holidays, additional costs, childcare, not being able to return to work, logistics of getting 4 children to schools, relationships. Babysitting? It’s not a given that there will be a bond between some or all of the children. I have half siblings and a middly. There’s no real special bond between my siblings.
Think also about what would happen if either/both/some have additional needs. Your lo is still very young so unlikely to be evident yet.
What happens next next time if there’s another baby. Then another one ....
Lots to think about!
I have four children but much more widely spread - the older two were teenagers when the younger ones were placed. They were both toddlers - birth siblings - paced 6mths apart but 19mths apart in age. They had never met before and there is no particular sibling bond (other than as part of our family) but at least they have some similarity in their life story which I think is a help. I agree that you need to think of the practicalities as so much of the rest is unpredictable - how you will manage with everything you do on a daily basis. Your children are all quite young. But I agree with the premise that only you can decide what is right for your family / what you want. People say children very close together can be easier as they are both at the same sort of stage at the same time - I didn't particularly find that though there was some advantage to being at the same school for a couple of years (then my AD went to special school) and being able to do the same activities. Good luck with whatever you decide
We have 4 children with the last with a similar age gap as you describe your 2 potential youngest 2 would have. For us it has worked - we did however find out number 5 was on the way but I knew we had reached our limit. I think everyone has their own limit and you need to know yourself what that is.
probably not a very helpful reply but I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer.
for us with the youngest 2 it’s been hard work because of the close age but on the other hand they are best friends which makes it worth it.
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