Public Forums

Hi Karl,

Sorry to hear you are struggling and thank you for joining our Forum. You will hopefully get some excellent advice and support from the Forum's knowledgeable users soon.

In addition, please feel free to contact our Helpline team and one of our skilled advisors will be happy to discuss your situation and answer your questions in more detail. You can email them on [email protected] or call them on 0300 666 0006 available Monday to Friday 10.00am - 2.30pm (excluding bank holidays).

More information here

Hope this helps.
Best Wishes
Andrew
Online Team AUK

Hi Karl,

Try not to take what she said personally, difficult I know. It is very positive that she feels secure enough with you to express her feelings. I think you may have to do some more digging here to get to the bottom of this. Yes the past couple of months have been very difficult and it has been very difficult for children being away from school, friends and routine and so this may have something to do with her very recent change in behaviour. Other things to consider - has she been online chatting to friends?- if so is there a possibility of bullying? Has she been considering/looking at her life story book? As children get older their understanding of what it means to be adopted changes - and so she may now be considering this in more detail/depth and it could be this that has made her feel sad and angry and she is taking it out on you as you are the nearest to her. I think it may be a good idea to get her life story book out and look at it again with her when she is calm and do some wondering out loud eg " I wonder if thinking about your birth mummy is making you feel sad? I think I would feel sad if I where you because...…"

You could also get in touch with post adoption support and ask for some life story work if you think that she would benefit from this if her behaviour continues. also have a look at "Being adopted - the lifelong search for self" by David M Brodzinsky, Marshall D Schechter and Robing Marantz Henig. This books details how adoption is experienced over a lifetime and what children at various ages think and feel about being adopted. It will give you some insight into what she is thinking and why.

You are clearly doing an amazing job with your daughter.

best wishes xx

sorry that is Robin Marantz Henig xx

Karl,

I have just re-read the last line of my post, which may have come across as sarcasm and I just wanted to make it clear that is not how it was meant. I do truly think you are doing an amazing job with your daughter - the fact that she has been able to talk to you about her feelings shows that you have put a lot of time and effort into building your relationship with her, also the fact that you have taken the time to sit with her shows that you are sensitive to her needs and the fact that you have shouted out for help when feeling out of your depth also illustrates your commitment to doing your best for her. xx

Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it.

The book you recommend sounds helpful, and I'll get a copy.

I also appreciate the affirming/uplifting comments you made (and no, I didn't read your last sentence as sarcastic... ?)

Your comments on her Life Story Book are interesting, but when we suggest having a look, she's very rarely interested. Although, occasionally, she cries, and says she misses her birth-mum, even though she of course has no actual memories of her. Clearly, there's a lot going on for her presently, and I am doing my best to take it positively, and one day at a time.

The bottom-line, is that it's felt good to 'put it out there' and see if further reflection and insights can give us a little more perspective.

Onwards and upwards, eh?