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Ines July 18, 2020 12:54

We are going through matching at the moment. A child we are interested in lives at the other end of the country as do most of their family, but has a relative living in our county. The courts have granted the relative indirect letterbox contact with them In the future and this is fine, we are open to, and wish to support this. The relative is a risk to the child for reasons I won’t go into, other than the court did not allow the child to live with them. The child is ‘older’ 6 yo so is recognisable.

My question is what is people’s experience of potentially living near a relative? Has anyone experienced unexpected contact I.e. bumping into unintentionally, a family member of your child and what is your advice on managing this? I find to hard to imagine it never happens as I bump into random people time to time, it’s a small world. I would be grateful for advice on this forum about how I may manage unexpected contact?

Edited 17/02/2021

Serrakunda27 July 18, 2020 20:15

I'd have to ask why you are having even indirect contact if the person is considered a risk.

That aside, you would have to consider how likley it is you would run into them. Living in the same county could cover a whole host of situations.

Does this person actually live near to you, ie would they be likely to use the same shops, bank, park or leisure facilities, have a child at the same school, use the same doctors, dentists etc.

How old is older? Do they have a distinctive name? Children do change very quickly. My son was nearly 8 when he came home, even he looked very different when I'd ditched the nice but very drab clothes he had ( FC was very country and lived in greens/brows) I put him in bright blues and reds he looked like a different child.

If this relative really is risk then I would be very cautious about pursuing this link, the last thing you want is to spend your life looking over your shoulder and worrying about bumping into them

Edited 17/02/2021

Smudge August 5, 2020 17:26

How confirmed is the link as if a relative (especially one who poses a risk) lives nearby? I had interest shown in me by my local RAA (I’m with a local VA). I started the discussion but then they asked questions about whether I visited certain locations where birth relatives live. I did frequent those locations so the discussion was mutually closed.

Edited 17/02/2021

Ines August 5, 2020 22:16

We have discussed with the family finder, and the relative lives in a different town about half an hour drive away so she doesn’t think it’s a problem. She’s reassured me that it’s very unlikely that we would visit the same locations and the only person we know who lives there is from our prep group.

Edited 17/02/2021

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