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sorry to hear your news. the biggest thing for me ex promised my dd loads of things but failed to deliver on any of them and caused her loads of issues and compounded her trust issues. dhis1 blamed me for ex affair and refused to speak to me for months and ds2 refuses even to acknowledge his dad and has nothing to do with his dad. so what he may promise them may not materialise especially if he is too busy seeing other people (sorry)and he forgets he is also a dad. try to sort out the practical stuff like finances etc and benefits you might be entitle to. if you have a woman resource centre they at have a solicitor who you can consult free of charge. then you can concentrate on your children .can you remain in the house.they will need reassurance about where they will live.this could then impact on school clubs etc in some ways it is a piece of string questions as could depend how invested and the role he has played in the lives of the children .there are so many variables and you have to deal with your own hurt to. surround yourself with people who will help and let them do it. ASf could be a good way forward but sometimes it can be a long time to be sorted. Lots of reassurance you are there for them but don't make any promises on their dads behalf. Behaviour may regress. take one day at a time and try to accomplish one small task that will pave your way tobe a single person.

@amh thank you for your reply and your advice. I appreciate it. Small steps I think, and I will be careful not to promise anything on his behalf. Good advice. thank you.

So sorry to hear this Brimble, how awful for you all. The first thing I thought reading your post was about the flying analogy - you know the one about parents should put their oxygen masks on first before trying to help others. Concern for your children really shines through, which I understand, but you need to look after yourself too. Have you got someone - friend, family member - who you can call on to really offload and share? You will need support to help your children. Also, not sure how new all of this is for you, but if you can tell your husband you need a bit of breathing space before you start telling the children and doing anything else about it. Having sorted some basic information, e.g. that you and they will continue to live in the house, would I'd have thought be useful before talking to the children. I've not been in this position myself, but my brother and his wife split up in similar circumstances a few years ago when their children were similar ages. My sister-in-law was understandably very hurt, but I think even she would now say that she told the kids more about the details of what was going on and why their Dad was leaving than was helpful for anyone, and got in the way of "moving on". What they did well, despite being angry with one another, was gave the kids some flexibility. So although the regular arrangement was that the children spent, I think, one night a week and one weekend a fortnight with their dad if they wanted to change this because of clubs or events or just at one stage because their youngest wanted to spend more time with his Dad both parents agreed this. It has been a tough time, but having seen both my brother, my (ex) sister in law and their kids in the last couple of weeks they all seem happier than they did in the last year or two of their marriage. Sending you strength. LB

So sorry to hear this Brimble, think LB's post is spot on about you needing to look after yourself in order to help your children during this really difficult time. Sending big, big hugs - everyone on these boards is here for you xxxx