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Help! Turned down for adoption of son's sister - need advice

Littleboysmum November 30, 2015 21:28
Hi Our story... (apologies, it's long) My husband and I had our son placed with us in March. We were made aware of him last October and informed that he had a half sibling on the way who would be taken into care and possibly would come up for adoption - would we be interested? Yes we said, we originally wanted a sibling pair but our current house is too small for 2. His sister was born last November and taken into foster at a day old. Our son's SW went on maternity leave before we were matched with him, he had an agency SW for a few months who would tell us nothing about his sister as the assessments were still being carried out etc. Our son had a new SW in July when we were informed that his sister's placement order had been issued in May. We were due to move to a bigger house the end of July so we waited. The house move fell through , we continued with the process of second time adoption for the sister. We went to approval panel in September and were approved for second adoption - we had a new offer on the house. The second offer fell through in October. We continued with the process, we were reassured that the house would not be deciding factor on the placement. We met the foster carer and medical advisor, we had a linking meeting. At the linking meeting in October I complained about how long it seemed to be taking (her 1st birthday was only a few weeks away) Since then it's gone downhill. They found issues at the linking meeting. The house was too cold. Our son was climbing on the back of the sofa (what if the baby had been on the sofa???) It had taken a long time to get our paperwork in for our son (was sent and lost in July, resubmitted this month) We had another linking meeting where all this was discussed and dealt with (or so we thought) I had a phone call 4 weeks ago to say that in the minutes from a meeting or panel in March it was stated that SS would not place another child in our house due to the size. This was new information, we had been reassured all year that it wouldn't prevent placement. We had a meeting with our son's SW and her 'manager' to discuss our options to take back to the legal meeting. We suggested selling cheap and renting for a while. They decided to take the option of my husband and I sleeping downstairs to enable the children to have their own rooms. This was agreed by legal (BTW our SW hasn't been involved in any of this, hasn't been invited to meetings or informed of decisions/problems etc etc) We were told there was a meeting last Wed with senior management to decide whether to take it forward. We weren't informed this would be a final decision which apparently it was and there is no appeals process. They decided not to place her with us. The reasons they have given vary from the house - we could be in rented accommodation before xmas (or by now if we'd had known this would happen) The paperwork for our son taking too long, original ones got lost in the post, now in and being processed - hoping for a Jan date. To us being stressed - this has never been mentioned or brought up as a problem - also our stress from trying to keep the children together!! We feel there have been many errors on the part of SS and no attempt at keeping the siblings together, in fact, quite the opposite, I feel they have prevented it. Oh, and apparently they already have potential adopters "lined up" which they shouldn't as up until Wed we were the potential adopters. I know one will be the foster carer as she's always been open about wanting to adopt the sister if she can, but I also think she's been part of the meeting and decisions about placement which must be biased. Sorry its long, any advice/similar situations/legal advice please? Thank you
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betz November 30, 2015 22:35
I'm saddened to read this. What a horrid time you are having and no wonder you're stressed. Have you considered calling the adoption legal centre? Or similar? For advice.
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Littleboysmum November 30, 2015 22:49
Hi - thanks for your reply. Adoption legal centre? What is this (am very new to adoption!) - is that part of adoption UK? I have already made enquiries into legal representation but can't really afford it.
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betz November 30, 2015 22:59
http://adoptionlegalcentre.co.uk No not part of adoption UK. An independant legal practice but specialise in adoption. In light of your comment about finances though, they may not be a realistic option as they are expensive. Could you qualify for any legal aid? Or maybe approach them for just an initial consulation to establish where you stand. The whole thing smacks of a catalogue of poor communication, unclear assessments and decisions being made without anyone being clear about reasons why. In the midst of all this, your child's sibling could be prevented from being with him. I can't imagine how traumatic this all feels right now. There may be valid or good reasons not to place with you but your trust in the system has now been corroded because of poor practice. Sending courage for your next steps. X
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Littleboysmum December 1, 2015 01:15
Hi - yes that's what I'd planned to do re: legal advice, as you say - approaching them for initial consult/opinion. Your second paragraph sums up EXACTLY our situation and my heart breaks for our little boy who may never know his sister. Thank you for your support xxx
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footiemum December 1, 2015 11:01
Dear littleboysmum That really sounds awful and I totally agree with Betz comments. We had a similar situation when adopting our youngest. We had her three siblings yet when we went to panel you could have cut the air with a knife the atmosphere was that bad. It all stemmed from financial difficulties. Our original VA who had firstly assessed us got into a battle with the placing LA (several hours away) and long story short the LA refused to pay and decided they would do the assessment. Before panel the sw warned me they were looking to turn us down. We were horrified as the main reason seemed to be the LA themselves had not done a full enough assessment. I had already bonded with our baby in my heart as had her siblings and I went into that meeting with total trepidation. You could feel the negativity in the room so I decided to fight. Initially we were told there were concerns re assessment. I told them that was their problem they must accept responsibility for that it was not a valid reason to say no. We were also asked by a youngish panel member who had not long become a birth parent how at our age would we cope with getting up in the middle of the night to change nappies etc! I was flabbergasted and in the nicest way possible told them it was clear they knew nothing about adoption, ie the sleepless nights of crying distressed older children, the bed wetting and soiilng of older children, the constant nightmares, night tremors etc. Our ad is nine now and a complete joy. I would speak to a solicitor skilled in adoption and ask for a meeting with them present. I would request a written and detailed list of the reasons they have turned you down. I would also ask them to write a letter to your as (to keep until he is older) explaining the reasons why, despite what the law says, they made the decision to not allow his sister to grow up with her brother. If they are unable to give proper and valid reasons then maybe they may think again. Good luck, don't let them grind you down.xx
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Littleboysmum December 1, 2015 11:18
Great suggestions thank you, have just sent an email requesting those two things and have approached the Adoption legal centre as suggested by Betz. Am glad I asked! Xx
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Littleboysmum December 1, 2015 18:30
UPDATE- SW so far refusing to provide a written and detailed list of the reasons.
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betz December 1, 2015 18:47
That's not on. You need a solicitor to advocate for you. How they can turn you down workout giving written reasons is unfair. Have you considered writing direct to the head of service? Or others say involving an mp helps.
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footiemum December 1, 2015 19:48
Try The Independent Review Mechanism now operated by Coram Children's Legal Centre. Don't lose heart it sounds as if the reason for refusal is quite simply they don't have valid reasons. x
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Littleboysmum December 11, 2015 20:36
UPDATE: Thank you for everyone's replies and support. There is little progress and none of it good. I can't add any of my new info on here yet as I need to keep it close to my chest for now. There are a number of complaints going in at present. The decision may well be final but the way in which it was made and the people who made it are WRONG and I plan to hold them to account as they just can't be allowed to behave this way and ruin children's lives.
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Lankelly December 12, 2015 16:43
Hi is there an independent reviewing officer IRO involved still for your first child? You maybe able to ask for one. They are like an external influence who views the whole. We were in similar situations and he advocated strongly for various aspects before and after placement and AO of our son who is full sib to our daughter. He came to us under an emergency foster care placement that can last only six weeks then the whole thing was formalised to adoption. Not sure this is maybe too little too late. I feel for you, I remember the 'pull ' to see it through was so very strong.
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skysthelimit May 3, 2017 16:44
Hi - as per the other comments, this is absolutely appalling! You do need specialist legal advice quite quickly, try Family Rights Group. Also, you may not be able to claim legal aid but I feel you may have a challenge via your youngest child. You hold PR, and they have a legal right to a family life. It could be argued that growing up with their sibling promotes attachment etc. How long ago did you adopt? There are also rights here too. With a previous SW head on, there needs to be valid reasons why you are unsuitable. A house being to small just does not cut it! There is a duty to support if it is in the child's 'best interests'. Like others, would advise with the Formal Complaint Process. Would try giving Family Rights Group a ring who could steer the next stage. Hang in there! Gill
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Wizzywoo May 3, 2017 16:59
This is an old thread sky! But you have now got me intrigued over the eventual outcome . I would love an update!
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skysthelimit May 3, 2017 17:08
Thanks Wizzywoo - losing the plot! Like you would love an update. Gill
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