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I'm probably not the best person for this, since school didn't work out for my boys, and I've taken them out. But Hertfordshire Council do a really great short leaflet for schools. It even has a table in the middle with behaviours and possible responses. This may be the linkhttp://www.hertsdirect.org/infobase/docs/pdfstore/csf0046.pdf Adoption UK do a booklet (Education Now), which is great, but quite long. We did get a Post Adoption Social Worker to come in and discuss strategies with the school; but you probably don't need to do that yet, maybe it's just something to bear in mind. PAC in London will come into schools and run training courses. I think you need to make sure you keep talking to the school. Good luck!

Hello there, sorry to hear this for you. My son is only 3, so not yet at school. But it occurs to me that some of the things you mention could be signs of either sensory processing problems: mouthing objects, walking on tiptoes, playing with food ( difficulties around eating?) Sensory processing problems can occur on their own, but that can also be a sign of autism, and him not listening acknowledging, and oppositional behaviour could be signs of that too. The difficulty is the signs of autism and sensory processing all overlap with attachment behaviours. It might be worth asking to see a paediatrician I hope I haven't overly worried you, as of course it may not be these things, but it may be worth investigating as if it is than your little man will get better support, and you will get advice and support as to what behavioural methods will help at home. It does sound like you need advice from somewhere, eithe post adoption or paediatrician. Maybe someone here more experienced than me will give tell you if I'm barking up the wrong tree. Hugs. I can relate to some of it!

Hi Your son is very young to clarify what is going on but don't assume that all problems are necessarily attributable to attachment disorder. A number of the problem behaviours you have identified ring bells for me and remind me of things my two adopted children used to do. They were both eventually diagnosed with ADHD and my daughter additionally with ODD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia. They also both suffered from FAE. The medication, Ritalin, that they were prescribed made a big difference. I would keep an open mind and educate yourself about the conditions of ADHD and Autism as many adopted children suffer from these conditions. There is a lot of information available on the internet. You might think that, if your son can concentrate in some situations, that that would rule out ADHD but it does not. My son could happily spend hours if allowed playing computer games but at school he was highly distractable. Interestingly my daughter used to walk on tiptoes and she was always putting objects in her mouth. A good book to read about ADHD is the book 'Understanding ADD' by Dr. Christopher Green. Hope things improve for you all. Lily x

Sorry to hear you are both having such a hard time. From personal experience things will not get any better, unless the school step up, clue up and read up. It's school that needs to change. There are loads of resources out there, I am sure others will come along and post links. Things that help/helped my ds. Own carpet square for carpet time (allowed to carry into assembly if needed). Clear explanations of what will happen during the day, what was coming next, visual timetable. Quiet one to one time away from noisy busy classroom. Activities broken down into 10 minute segments. Supervision in all unstructured times (breaks, lunch). Working alone or in small groups with supervision. Lots of achievable, win win tasks. I really feel for you, I dreaded dropping off and picking up, never relaxed during the day, was worried, anxious and felt useless and judged. Xx

I too think it is very difficult to know what is going on at that age. My dd did a lot of those things at that age - not listening, objects in mouth, disruptive, poor concentration, oppositional, though no food issues. She was later diagnosed with ADHD and the meds help her although she still has issues. I am pretty convinced she does have ADHD but still don't know if it is all that is going on. Socially it feels like there could be something autistic about her, she is controlling, which could be attachment. We are also now thinking maybe dyspraxia. And I sometimes wonder re FAS. She is nearly 13 and it still isn't clear, though ADHD has been a helpful diagnosis. All you can do is try to work out what helps and get school to understand he can't help it and isn't just a naughty child. Things may become clearer as he gets older - certainly you get to understand your child better. It isn't easy though, we still go through good and bad phases re school with our dd. But you get better at fighting their corner!

oh hon its sotough when they first go takes everyone ages to-'get' the child that has different needs. does yourschool have positive play.? ask tosee head and ask them to source support via ad uk and other schools. asits soon after adoption you can go back and ask for support too.even someone to chat to may help. take care and keepon the net for help meantime.

The one thing that struck me is that he's only 4! I have to admit, I think 4 is much too young to start school. I remember there was something in the news recently about a group advocating the north European ideals not starting school until 6 or 7. Brilliant idea. I think some of your son's issues may also be to do with the fact he is so young, plus with adopted children, think even younger mentally! I suppose here in Scotland we have an advantage - junior was 5 1/2 on starting school....... Yes , there have been a few minor things, but had he been younger, there would have been far more problems. Was there any way you could have delayed him a year?

I don't think that he is suddenly going to lose these behaviours - if he started school a year later, he would probably still be finding the demands of the classroom tricky. And that's the thing - he is standing out as different because he can't do a lot of quite sophisticated things. Once he leaves school he won't have to sit and concentrate etc - til then, it's often hard for quite a range of children, who find that sort of thing hard. They are the ones who are not going to end up working in an office - they will be doing something much more kinesthetic . So don't despair - thing is, he does have to go to school (unless you home ed of course) and so you might need to find ways of helping him to cope. From what you said about him, I would immediately ask your GP for a referral to an Occupational Therapist. In the meantime get hold of the book 'The Out of Synch Child' which you can get from Amazon and start doing some of the activities in it. The book talks about things like walking on tip toe - it means he is too overly stimulated by sensations in the atmosphere and this could be contributing to how difficult he finds it at school. If he continues to struggle, school will have to do something - don't let them make you feel bad. They can put him on school action and then school action plus and even apply for a statement. They can involve the ed psych and the speech and language therapist. There is loads they can do - don't let them make you feel you are doing anything wrong. I wouldn't consider delaying by a year as it could mean that you have the same issues and you have to go through everything all over again - stay in the system and get them to give him the help he needs now. What's the school like? Does it have experience of children like your son or don't they have a clue - if it's the latter you may need to force them to act, as they may just sit there wringing their hands to be honest with you. Good luck

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, feeling a bit better and will look into some of your suggestions. He is young and has a brother 13 months younger and he is more on this age wave length. He did gymnastics today, 2nd week and it was good to see him listening & instruction following, still bouts of "going off piste" though. Starting to document things in readiness for the next step!!