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I''m a newbie to these boards! Hi :-)

cardi :-) July 21, 2013 20:22
Hello everyone on these boards. I have a sibling group of 3, am a few days away from our 4th anniversary. My children are aged 8yrs, 6yrs and 5yrs. After 9yrs of marriage, 1 IVF cycle we have discovered that I''m pregnant!!!! Am obviously delighted as this was so not supposed to be for us. We were told we had a 30 percent chance with IVF!!! OMG!! However my 3 are about to break up from school and I''ve had the worst hyper behaviour type day , I''m now panicking how I''ll cope with 4!!!! Any advice would be much appreciated, think I''m just having an overwhelmed day :-/ x
Edited 17/02/2021
mumlou July 21, 2013 23:17
Don't have any advice other than continue to do the terrific job you have obviously being doing and congratulations! x
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greyspeckledhen August 13, 2013 22:03
Hi cardi and welcome to the birth children after adoption club - definitely not the way round I would recommend as it is not without complications and hard times but it is nevertheless a wonderful unexpected surprise too.Our boys had been with us 4 years and were 7 and 9 when little chick was born so a similar age to yours. Behaviour did become exceedingly wobbly when they found out I was pregnant and we called in help from post adoption support and Camhs to see us through.In terms of practically managing I found getting a decent sling for the baby enabled me to have my hands free for the big ones. I used the sling until he was walking full time and it was a life saver - he was safe and happy with my attention while I was getting tea ready/ helping with homework/ taking them for a walk/ playing a game/ dealing with behaviour etc etc. By decent I mean a mei tai/ connecta or wrap which does front or back carries with weight spread across 2 shoulders. See for advice.All the babies I know who have been born to adopters after adopting are thankfully really easy - they just have to be!So sorry that no one else has replied - I've been away and probably others have too. Try posting with 'pregnant after adopting' in the subject line to be noticed by others who have done the same. it is worth doing a search for previous threads as there is lots of helpful practical advice form those who have gone through this bittersweet experience. All the best and congratulations! I hope it all goes really well for you. xx
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tad August 14, 2013 23:05
That's amazing! The same thing happened to 2 other families that we know of. They've done really well. Chances are, if you've coped with a sibling group of three adopted children for 4 years, you'll be very resourceful in finding ways to integrate your new little one
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Pear Tree August 15, 2013 17:32
Hi cardiThings been rather fraught here but just spotted your message and welcoming you to this elite band is my pleasureLots of top tips on the thread gsh highlightedBut I'd say keeping yourself physically calm and if you are buying something more expensive then buy a decent nursing chair.It helped me physically recover to have a supportive chair. and allowed me space with baby as that was the chair used to feed her, it worked out well.I actually found it tough going mentally to be a 'bio mum' there's some real snooty mothers who's biggest stress is loosing a nail or is one if their darlings appeared to be picking their nose in the school play! People make weird comments too like 'this time doing it the proper way'Awful reallyBut that's how things are for some shallow people who live in a different world to planet adoption.I've just avoided them on the play ground with the older 2.But when you have a baby, they are in your neo natal group, the crèche and the local baby massage class.So I found ally's in the strangest places including the group that offers support for parents of children with special needs at the children's centre- I found them much better support than the breast feeding Grp I was meant to be attending next doorAll the very best.
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REM August 15, 2013 20:34
Congratulations!!We had a birth son last year, with two adopted boys then aged six and seven.Honestly, it has been fantastic for all of us. I am thrilled with the baby and he actually seems to help the older two. They have been able to regress with the baby toys and have reflected a lot on their own time as babies. Having such a little baby around has brought out a gentle side in my eldest, which us lovely to see.But, it will take time to settle. My boys found my pregnancy very hard. They were nervous about seeing me vulnerable and became very trying in the later months!I remember days when I sat and cried because I was so sure that I wouldn't be able to cope with all the needs of my big boys and a tiny baby as well. But, now I am so proud of them all! Hopefully you will find, as we did, that after adopting a sibling group, bringing home a new baby is really not all that challenging! I wish you a calm and happy baby, and an easy pregnancy.Start taking rest now, work out when you can get extra rest, you are going to need it, and it may take a while to work out what's that you can rest without unsettling your children.
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Pear Tree August 15, 2013 22:38
I'd also like to say, the adopted children found a huge amount of personal growth from seeing baby change, grow and meeting her needs and enjoying her.There's never been any jealousy HonestlyThey just accept that this is who is here with us in our family.But it has to be said my troubled young lady had a lot of PTSD relating to the baby which ultimately added to things to an extent that she couldn't stay here.But Blossom still loves pip and pip loves her big sister. Tbh this is one of the beautiful things about blossy the natural lovely things that pip has brought out of her, despite how troubled things arePartridge and pipWellIt's just like Charlie and Lola!It's the most natural squabbling childhood relationshipIt's lovely really lovely seeing them play.
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