How have your employers reacted when discussing your plans to adopt? Both my partner and I have experienced a bit of ‘attitude’ towards it. We’ve managed to get all the time off that we have needed but have experienced some rudeness and about it. Sometimes I can look at it and think it’s just that they are uneducated about adoption and the process itself but on other occasions I feel as though they are punishing me or discriminating for not being able to conceive naturally. I told my employer when our panel date was and his reaction was very much that he had already let too many people have that day off already. He stated that it was important for the other employees to have it off (like it’s not for me). Asked me if it was going to be in the morning or afternoon. I did explain that I would be in no frame of mind to work that day whatever happened. I did manage to get the time off but it’s not the point. He was very reluctant to let me have it off. I can’t help but think that if we were having birth children, then we wouldn’t get this sort of treatment. What is anyone else’s experiences of this?
Employer Support
Hi,
Sorry to hear you are having a bad experience from your employer. I have two children, one birth child and one adopted so I have had experience of going on Maternity Leave and Adoption Leave so hopefully this may help you a little.
My opinion of this is it is lack of education, empathy and quite frankly a lot of ignorance! When I went on maternity leave with birth child I think people could relate to it more so it was "easier" for others to get it! Whereas going on Adoption leave people generally don't know how to react so they can appear frosty. I think on one hand people are generally very nosey and that is fine if you are happy to discuss but when you are pre-panel there isn't always much to discuss. I would suggest that your employer got a little bit of advice on supporting adoptive parents as I am quite sure you won't be the first :) I was very open about our circumstances although looking back on it I don't know why as it was none of their business just ours!
What you need to focus on is yourselves and your little one/ones when you are matched/placed. You will get so much love and support and believe me you will find Adopters around every corner as there are a lot more than we anticipated that is for sure!
Keep smiling and good luck with Panel, very exciting times ahead for you
xx
Hi,
Good luck for panel, I am sure you will smash it!
I agree 100% with SunnyD, My opinion of this is it is lack of education, empathy and quite frankly a lot of ignorance!
I have been very fortunate in my current job however my last employer was the opposite and this was at the time we was going through fertility checks, treatments etc and at one point refused to let me have the time off I needed. In the end I left my position, best thing I ever did!
Try to focus on the future, yourselves and the little one that you are going to be welcoming into your family.
Good luck and keep smiling.
Gemma
Hi,
Completely agree that people don't really know a lot about adoption. I didn't share our plans with many people at work, excpet those that needed to know and a couple of people who I consider friends. However, I did have a rather bumper ride, being made redundant shortly after AS was placed with us. OH also lost his job at roughly the same time - it was during the crash, when lots of people were made redundant. It was a worrying time, made worse by work not paying my redundancy properly and having to job hunt at the same time.
Not sure whether work's decision to make me redundant was somewhat influenced by my adoption leave, but I tried not to focus on this, even though advertised a suspiciously similar job as soon as I left (that's illegal to do that without offering it to the person who was made redundant first!) I actually ended up working in the company that subsequently took over the one I worked for, which meant I was encountering the same people again. But water under the bridge as they say....
Focus on yourselves, do work as normally as you can and try not to be annoyed by ignorance.
Thank you all for your advice. It is great to hear other people’s experiences. Nice to know that we aren’t the only ones. It’s a shame that employers can’t be a bit more open minded and have a willingness to learn about the adoption process and how long and demanding it is. I guess that is just asking too much.
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