Edited 17/02/2021
Year 5 Puberty/sex Education - Genes - help
fo-fum
March 21, 2019 16:38
Hi! Not been on here for years.. DS is thriving and I life is mainly good : ) He is now Yr 5 and they are having the puberty talks at school next week. I just happened to ask the teacher a bit more of what's involved and she mentioned talking about genes... so I jumped on that and asked her to send me the outline of what is covered in that section. It's a Mr Men thing that talks about 1/2 a set of instructions for making your mum, 1/2 a set of instructions for making your dad.... inherited characteristics such as blonde hair etc. My question is how do we handle this in relation to his specific situation? Birth mum doesn't really know who his birth dad was... we will probably never know... and although we had the 'sex talk' with DS last year (prompted by talking about dogs breeding) we are not sure if he's yet twigged that it took 2 people to make him. Really don't want to drop the bombshell but also want to prepare him so he's not questioning it out loud in front of his classmates... he's at the age where it's just not helpful to be drawing attention to major differences like this. Help!
Milly
March 21, 2019 17:05
I think knowing that you need a mum and dad to create a baby is basic information all children need to know at this age - and most would pick this up from the fact many people do have a known mum and dad, surely? I would suggest you do talk to him. One of mine doesn't know who her dad is - I told her from the off really - long before she reached year 5, so she's grown up knowing. She's only ever got annoyed or upset about it when her non bio sister has mentioned it (in a mean way) as she does have information re her birth dad. I worried the sex ed stuff would upset my elder dd in year 6 - ie the genetic part of it, so I went over what they might talk about beforehand (went into a lot more detail than the school actually!). She doesn't tend to get upset about that kind of thing anyway though. With the youngest I didn't even bother - and she's far more sensitive. There were no adverse reactions from either of them - they just saw it as school lessons.
Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella
March 21, 2019 17:24
My three have all done it and weâve never had any issue from any of them. Maybe school de-personalise it ... male and female genes rather than mum and dad. I guess it could be equally tricky for same sex couples whoâve had children by whatever means ... just go through it all beforehand so there are no surprises. My daughterâs head teacher used to go through it all with parents beforehand anyway
Edited 17/02/2021
Haven
March 21, 2019 19:28
My boy's teacher asked to have word beforehand - they had thought about how they might present this to my boy, using his sister as an example rather than parents - but she's his half sister, so it wasn't great. In the end, I just chatted to him about what they were going to do and say and asked him if he was okay with it - he said he was (he would have said if he wasn't). He also just saw it as a lesson. This was about 6 years in, and we'd talked about lots of other related issues. It might be worth asking the school how they go about talking about genetics to kids who don't live with their birth parents? xx
Edited 17/02/2021
chestnuttree
March 21, 2019 20:56
I agree that that is basic information for that age. Mine knew much more by then, but they were always very interested. Neither of them felt the sex ed lesson was in any way about "them". They just saw it as a factual knowledge. If you don't know anything about his dad, you might want to start the conversation about that. He is quite old to not know and it will be much easier if you tell him when it still goes a bit over his head. Otherwise it might come as a shock. Could he be thinking about it, but not talking about it?
Edited 17/02/2021
safia
March 21, 2019 21:52
Mine were at two different schools and the sex Ed films - which they both showed to parents first - were very different. One was excellent and factual and I couldnât fault it but the other I had concerns about and I wasnât the only one. It showed (with cartoons) some very unlikely play in the bedroom which involved skipping about with flowers - I felt it was so far removed from my kids birth parents behaviour and could really confuse things for them. As for genetics I donât know what was covered as it was never discussed but would expect it was very basic (hair colour etc) which again could be useful from the life story point of view. If you donât know who the birth dad was then you could wonder together what he might have been like - using a basic understanding of genetics - if he was unknown then presumably he didnât harm your son in any way which might make it easier
Edited 17/02/2021
Callie
March 22, 2019 11:47
AS(7) has recently been asking about his birth father. And, like your situation, the bf was never identified. It's been difficult to explain to AS in age appropriate terms, that we dont' know who he is, or was never around, so I do think a basic understanding of the facts will help him when he is older. I would definitely raise the issue with your son beforehand - maybe go back to the dog example, and talk about their colouring -or initiate a discussion about different breeds like labradoodles, cokcerpoos etc, and say they called that becuase they are 50% x and 50% and say that all animals are created from 50% of male/50% female? I like the idea of saying male and female rather than father and mother....
Edited 17/02/2021
chestnuttree
March 22, 2019 21:40
I think saying "we were created from 50% male and 50% female" is confusing. Children don't know what percentages are and 'male and female' are challenging words. My daughters would not have understood that at the age of 7. Most of our children have two mothers and two fathers: birth parents and us, and we need to give that message loud and clear. We are not the birth parents and that is fine. If we don't feel okay about that, we will pass that feeling on and make it harder for our children to ask questions, to talk about their story, to develop their sense of identity and to feel okay about it. I would get a book like "Mama laid an egg" and read it with your child. Things are explained in an age appropriate way and the facts are there. I would probably try to guide him to asking about his birth father, as I would avoid telling him when he is in puberty. It will be much harder then, because he will be dealing with identity issues anyway then. Puberty is around the corner for him. Y7 is very different from Year 6.
Edited 17/02/2021
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