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Advice re LO changing name and dealing with school questions

lemon75 December 30, 2013 16:24
Hi there My LO's adoption order will be going through in January...whoop whoop! She is 6 and has been for me for a year. She's a bit wobbly about changing her surname to my name...so I'm wondering if anyone has been through the same with an older child and now you dealt with it? Or advice from anyone who has any ideas? And also, she is a bit shy about telling children at school about her name change and I'm wondering what phrases I can give her to explain to other kids why her name has changed? She hadn't told many children about being adopted. Thanks Loopy
Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda December 30, 2013 19:15
we have kept Simba's birth name and just tacked mine on the end partly because it represents his African heritage and I didnt want him to lose that. But then we have no security issues and his first name is very distinctive so its not so much of a problem for us. I'm not sure that she needs to say anything to her class mates. Simba is 9 and isn't aware of anyone else's surname. I go into a few primaries regularly and I only ever see first names on coat pegs etc. Why don't you check with school to see how often surnames are used and how aware the children are of them- might not be as much of a problem as you think
Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda December 30, 2013 19:15
and congratulations on adoption day. You made it mummy !!!
Edited 17/02/2021
little bear December 31, 2013 19:02
Congratulations! I can't help much as my eldest was 6 when she came to us and had been anxious about people knowing she was adopted when she changed her surname, which we used as a reason for her to be "known" by our surname from the start. However, my experience is like Serrakunda's - the children rarely use surnames (only where two children share a first name, and there is a Zoe B and a Zoe H or whatever). Practically I'd work with the school to make sure everything changes at once - so school books if they have her surname, clothing name tags etc. Perhaps you could print off some sticky labels with her new name and a picture she likes to put onto her books? As for why it is changing, how about "so that all my family have the same surname"? LB BTW, her not wanting people to know she was adopted had all changed by the time she was 7 or 8, by which stage she was telling everyone!
Edited 17/02/2021

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