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Where do you come from?

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steps December 15, 2018 07:30
I grew up in northern town close to extended family.My family moved when I was 11 to the south coast . i had to adjust to new accents. Not having grandparents /cousins close by .A very different landscape ! I moved away to go to uni. Lived in Ireland for a while but have spent over 35 years in very inner city London. Every so often I get asked about my accent ! there are still the short As of the north! The interesting debate on friendships /lifestyle /class reminded me of the question of where are my roots. 2 of our then key stage 1 children moved over 100 miles to join our family. They moved from a very rural area with a distinct burr to their accents to cockney London ! They also moved with planned face to face contact with an older sibling who remained in foster care.later they had regular face to face contact with one of their birth parents. One of them now mid 20s has moved back to their home area. His accent is returning to his regional accent ! But with some urban london words ! Its not just family culture that can change when children move across the country for inter agency adoption -its regional identity as well. Our son has been living in his home region for 4 years now. He prefers the slower pace of life. The opportunity to get to the coast. The closer contact with his birth sibling (his other sib is still with us having been away to uni and now back working in london but finding renting too expensive) Our son drives back to visit . But hates the noise ,busy roads ,different way of living. He lived in london 15 years but feels he fits in better in his home county. I would be really interested in hearing other peoples thoughts on this. When asked I identify as a northener and see my roots there but have now got roots and grown my adult life in a very different area (lived in the same house 34 years !)to the 2 i spent my childhood in ! Should interagency adoptions consider regional identity more ?
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Larsti December 15, 2018 09:51
I definitely think regional identity is important. I think a child could feel like a fish out of water (depending on their age of course) and be there may be comments at school about their accent. Did you find that was the case Steps? That said they would pick up the new regional accent quite quickly I would think. I moved from Scotland to England many years ago and feel very at home here. That said I did make a conscious choice to distance myself from my family geographically, well my Mum really, just to be able to be more independent. I have a certain nostalgia about my Scottish roots (now that I'm older and have been tracing my family tree) but am not really very Scottish. I suppose like everything, it varies. As with your two sons, some people might always have that connection with their roots and some people less so.
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pingu123 December 15, 2018 10:42
It does vary I think. And some people do prefer being away from the big smoke as I think London used to be nicknamed. I am Glasgow born and thought I was used to city life, and streets, but one day of London street ( and underground) negotiation was enough to tell me that I would not want to live there, much as I love the famous bits, the parks and the shops. And having moved out of my own city to a coastal town I still revel in the views and fresher air, even if it gets quite provincial here culturally. One of our kids came from England to Scotland to be with us, and while he does visit back where he came from , to see birth family members, he is adamant he is Scottish, proud of his Scottish " birth" certificate and loves being here When he first came he had a strong accent from his home town, and did have to cope with a bit of teasing about it, but now you would never guess as he sounds fairly local.
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pingu123 December 15, 2018 10:49
I forgot to say that social work did ask his opinion about moving out of area and he apparently said " I don't care if it's Scotland or France...." And that was before Scotland had even been mentioned !!!
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little bear December 15, 2018 23:38
Interesting questions Steps. I'm a Londoner, lived almost my whole life in the same corner of London very close to Mum and Dad and friends I've known since childhood. Husband is a proud northerner who, despite living down south for getting on for 30 years, still has a bath rather than a barth etc. Our adopted children are northern - come from about 20 miles away from my husband's home town. They had the most gorgeous accents when we first met them, but lost them within weeks of moving down south. But they too are proud of their northern roots, and since they were young have been proud to sometimes talk about being northern, "like Dad" (i.e. my husband). It is not the biggest thing by any means, but I think the northern connection through my husband and his family is an important one to them, and without it I do think there's the possibility that another part of their early identity would have been lost. LB
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createamum December 16, 2018 00:39
My AD is from a northern rural area and we moved her to the Home Counties, she has lost most of her accent except when she sings and shouts. We were lucky where we live is a large town with some big employers and they have frequent changes of employees so there are now five children in her school year that we know of who come from the Same region of the uk as AD and as they are recent arrivals they all still have prominent accents and AD has been walking home with one of them. I do think that it is one of the down sides of adoption, our daughter needed to be moved so far away for her own safety, but she is loosing all her cultural identity.
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shadow December 16, 2018 13:39
shadette is from northern England and had a very distinct accent - she found the change moving to Scotland tough - and was very proud of her nationality - now I don't know if she has a Scottish accent at all but certainly doesn't have her original accent - she now has no contact with birth family - her choice and sees me as definitely mum - and our family as her family - its been a long journey to get here as old timers may remember - but we are very close now and I am very proud of her
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Gilreth December 17, 2018 09:20
I am a mixed up person as I always describe myself - moved around a lot as a child (I was in 7 schools) but I am not a forces child. Now live in the north as I have done sine just before I turned 17 (so over 25 years) - in fact back 10 miles from where I was born although from my accent you would never know it (although i do use northern a's mainly but spent a lot of time in Cambridgeshire as a teenager). My two siblings sound more like they are locals than I do - and they actually come from the Midlands - we were all born in different counties which says a lot when there is 5 years between us all. My husband on the other hand lived in one place until he came over here to university. He is from other side of Pennines which always causes amusement although his maternal grandfather came from where we live - and mine came from not far from where his parents live. His accent is not noticeably from his local area although he probably is more 'northern' than I am. To me I come from two disparate areas of the country - close to where I am now (which is where my maternal family lived when I was young) and East Anglia where my paternal family mainly lived. But I defy anyone to place where I come from from my accent which changes depending on who i am speaking to anyway. Sqk is locally born - in fact now we have moved is the furthest he has ever lived from his birth parents. But that still isn't far so we are security conscious.
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Ford Prefect December 17, 2018 10:54
Glasgow. But I don't live there and haven't since my mid 20's. My accent is very Scottish and I'm pleased to say that my children's accents have morphed over the past 3 1/2 years from their Southern English to the point where they could pass for Bearsden. (If you're from the central belt of Scotland you will understand). They identify as half Scottish now if asked and seem to be quite proud of that, even though they have been to Scotland exactly twice. I've lived all over the place and so has my wife so I guess this is not something we ever dwell on. The only time it ever becomes an issue was when I lived in New York, everywhere I went it seemed essential for the conversation to start with "I love your accent". I met my wife in Boston and we lived in Chicago for a while, she is English. Unlike myself she morphs into American whenever we are in the departure lounge at Heathrow heading west and becomes quite Essex when she is with her friends but is hard to place when we are at home. As far as I am concerned my children's culture much like mine and my wife's is what it is now. Our heritage is different, we all have different heritage but our culture is ours. This is no different to our extended family with their birth children. They don't live in the areas they came from and their children's accents are very different from their own. I don't think this is that unusual nowadays.
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pingu123 December 17, 2018 14:16
Oh how familiar FP ! I was brought up in Glasgow too, the part that's not that far from Bearsden, and I remember once finding myself with a bunch of English friends when it went quiet. So I stopped talking too, and then one friend said, " Oh do keep talking, I love listening to your accent ! Both my kids, including the one born in England try to out argue each other on who is the most Scottish. (Since both their adoption certificates were issued in Edinburgh which seems to be where they all get issued. ) youngest was born here but eldest is the better at arguing the toss. Between the four of us we have recent or more ancestral links to all four Countries in this set of islands, so we don't get too hung up about origins. Dh's English origins did help though, when it came to matching for AS1.
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Haven December 17, 2018 14:58
My ACs, although siblings were fostered separately in Scotland, but in the same town. One went to a posh local school, and the other to a specialist nursery for kids who needed extra care and support. So one came to us sounding like Maggie Smith in The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (hope you've seen the film!) and the other sounded like what is horribly called a "Ned" round our way. They couldn't have sounded more different. They are still at different schools, but in a completely different region of Scotland. They have both adapted. MY AD's BF is unknown, except he wasn't Scottish, and for the moment, she's not interested anyway. I'm a working class kid turned middle class (I suppose) via education with a middle class husband and I'm never quite sure where I hang my hat because there are so many good points from both of my life experiences. So I like the fact that we all exist in a wee circle of 'us' between classes with bits of everything thrown in and with lots to draw on. I hope that works for my kids too, and helps them feel it's okay to be who they are. xx
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About you now December 17, 2018 22:12
Really enjoying this thread! I am from 'down south' but went to uni in the Midlands & then stayed around the area to be with my husband. (Boyfriend back then!) He is from the Midlands & I joke he is a 'northern' lad. I think of here as home, definitely. After 20 years I now say 'bath' not 'barth' but people do sometimes ask where I'm from. I was classed as 'proper posh' when I first moved here! :) Our girls were Midlands born - pretty close from where we live now. My old school friends still all live down south - when we meet up they smile at my 'northern' children as their accents are so different from their children's. Love it! As an aside, during home study (a million years ago!) our SW found it hilarious that my hubby classed himself as 'working class' when he lives a pretty middle class life :) xxxx
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About you now December 17, 2018 22:15
Also, Shadow, so pleased to hear you & Shadette are so close now. I remember all the very difficult times from way back when xxxx
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Serrakunda December 18, 2018 12:16
Born and brought up in Liverpool - which is still 'home' although I left in 1983 and have lived in the same Midlands city since then. As a family we have Welsh and Northern Irish connections. Very traditional working class background - family of brickies, roofers, merchant seaman. My mum was a dinner lady, my father really was the milkman. I was the first person in my family to leave Liverpool, although one of my brothers emigrated to Australia in his 40s. I went to one of the old Polytechnics, not a university. My brothers have quite broad scouse accents, I dont but I went to a 'nice' secondary school in Liverpool, not private or grammar, but not the local comp either. I don't know what I am now. I guess people would see me as middle class because I am university educated, work in the civil service and own my home. But my parents owned their house. I am aware that I am in some ways different to some members of my family. My poor old nan was very confused about me going off to poly, it was such an alien concept to her. One of my brothers defintitely thinks I am 'odd' possibly a bit of a snob based on such superficial things as the fact that in the rare occasions I drink I prefer a glass of dry white to a pint of snakebite. But then he was also totally baffled why our younger brother wanted to move to Australia. But I would dispute that things like home ownership, reading books, enjoyment of the arts ( in whatever form that takes) educational aspiration, travel, are the preserve of the middle classes. I really don't know what middle class life as opposed to a working class life is. Simba's birth mum's family would probably be described as working class. Its difficult to attritbute class to his dad's family as they are African, and most of them are still in Africa. They are educated people who live in the capital but like many african families retain land and keep animals. The sisters who live in the UK are all health professionals. Simba was born just about in the south - he says barth, I say bath. We argue about the pronunciation of scone. For him the biggest change has really been from semi-rural to city. But he is defintelty a city boy at heart. When they were prepping him he said he wanted to live in town and have an orange cat called Liam. He got the city and a black cat called Ed. He loves the opportunties he has, which he can access very easily. He loves the fact that now he is older, he can get to places on the bus on his own and is not reliant on me to ferry him about ( just as well as I don't drive) He is very loyal to his adopted city. We have friends in Cornwall who we visit every year, he loves the beach and surfing. When I have made comments about wouldnt it be nice to live there so he could surf every day, he will not hear of it. He also loves Liverpool, but does not want to move to be closer to nanny and grandad. He is happy to visit, but wants to come home. He has no great affections for his 'home' town in the way I do for Liverpool.
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Heavensent December 18, 2018 22:14
I'm a northerner but I've lived more than half my life in the Midlands. I don't think I will ever lose my northern roots - there is a very distinct culture and value system and I will definitely never pronounce a scon as scown! My grandparents were definitely working class whereas my parents were very determined to make the most of their educational opportunities - my Dad did his degree whilst having 5 children under the age of 6! I think the distinction between middle and working class has become very blurred.
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Ford Prefect December 19, 2018 05:35
It always strikes me as odd when we get down to class. Not sure what it means nowadays? If you leave school with no qualifications never find a job and live your whole life on benefits you are described as working class. If you work 80 hours a week as a junior doctor, you are described as middle class. If you live off inherited wealth and do little other than exploit it, then you are upper class. Seems “Work” has little to do with it?
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Serrakunda December 19, 2018 12:16
because the working class has been somewhat demonsied and morphed into worklessness When I was growing up working class meant blue collar/manual workers
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Larsti December 19, 2018 13:44
Exactly Donatella. It is definitely blurred now as Heavensent says. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxpZkKKbDgA (the classic sketch. for our amusement) I don't like the use of 'lower class' though!
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Larsti December 19, 2018 13:55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JSahEDRjvw This is also good!
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Larsti December 19, 2018 13:56
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JSahEDRjvw This is also good!
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