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When to tell BC about a match?
PVFC1610
January 5, 2017 18:33
Good evening all :) We had some fab news following on from a visit yesterday with LO social worker and manager - they have said they are very keen to progress to panel in march. We have a 5 year old daughter, she knows we are adopting and has done for a while, just recently she's asking more questions..how old will he be, what will be his name etc. Do we tell her about this match after panel? Everyday more and more questions are being asked - bless her Any advice? :)
pluto
January 6, 2017 10:58
Yes I would wait until after the panel decision.
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Goldenfinch
January 6, 2017 18:45
Great news, congratulations! We waited until after panel. BD was 5. We kept up with the story of "hoping that our SW would find her a baby sister soon." One thing - if you're not telling BC yet, be v careful about who you DO tell and make sure that they know BC doesn't know yet...
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Milly
January 7, 2017 10:54
We were advised to tell our first child (ac, then aged 6) about our second before panel to give her prep time and so we could include her in the process of making a book and dvd for dd2 and also in buying a toy to give her along with the book which had the toy in every photo. I think we told her therefore about 2 weeks before panel. We had to get the book and dvd ready so it could be given to dd2 immediately after panel, giving her a week or so to get to know us via them prior to intros. (She was then aged 2). At that point we had no real doubts panel wouldn't agree the match (dd2 had already been badly let down by the system and we had had plenty of time to become familiar with the concerns over her) . I'd say it all worked perfectly - enough time for both children to have the prep they needed appropriate to their respective ages, but not too long.
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Little miss sunshine 2
January 9, 2017 21:03
We have a BC aged 4 and have told her about our match which was confirmed last week. She has been involved from the start and we meet AD 1 week after panel (1st March) which wouldn't give her long to prepare. Our SW is aware and we have also been advised to include her in the making of a book and in buying a toy. Fingers crossed.
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Energy
January 9, 2017 22:31
Hey, congrats on the link - fingers crossed all will go well. A word of caution. We told our BD (6, at the time) about a very positive link, we told her lots she even wrote her own 'fact file' and got really into it, she chose a toy a buildabear and told all her friends in school. Unfortunately it all fell through disasterously with that link and she was devastated. Thankfully the most recent match is amazing (he moves in on Weds) and we really tried to protect her this time although we were forced by SW's to tell her before panel so they could come and see her. I'd urge caution.
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Little miss sunshine 2
January 12, 2017 21:15
I'd started to worry after reading this thread so spoke to our SW today - when asked what the chances were about things falling through she said she could not imagine any reaon why. We seem to have a had a much better experience during our adoption process than many on here but I'll continue to keep my fingers crossed. Hope everything went okay on Wed.
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cowgirl
January 19, 2017 12:22
Hi congratulations on your match Our BS was 7 at the time. We waited until panel. This was 5 years ago and things have changed. We had a rubbish picture prior to approval We collected him from school and came home and told him. We felt (and advice from our SW) that it was important he told everyone. Ownership i think is the technical term ! We had discussed our match with our parents. But we let him tell EVERYONE. He was the barer of the good news to friends and family. It was a busy evening flitting from house to house. I had preempted success and had asked if we could come into school for him to tell all his school friends. He proudly showed the picture whist i mumbled that families come together different ways and we were adopting a little baby boy. The kids were so excited and it didn't faze them a bit. They just asked his name and age. We also went shopping and our son bought his brother new dummies, bottles etc. just a few low key bits every week to aid the wait until placement. HTH and good luck HTH and good luck
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Little miss sunshine 2
March 21, 2017 20:55
A little update. Our LO was placed one week ago. Our BD (Age 5) has been amazing - I am so proud of her. She has been involved (we have a wonderful LA) to the point that she was asked if she wanted to write anything after one week of introductions for us to show SW about her feelings. She produced a card "Super Wooper Happy" "I love ........ with hearts and kisses, this is being added to our report. We have a long journey ahead of us and who knows what challenges it will bring.....but our start for our BD couldn't have been better x
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Little miss sunshine 2
March 21, 2017 20:55
A little update. Our LO was placed one week ago. Our BD (Age 5) has been amazing - I am so proud of her. She has been involved (we have a wonderful LA) to the point that she was asked if she wanted to write anything after one week of introductions for us to show SW about her feelings. She produced a card "Super Wooper Happy" "I love ........ with hearts and kisses, this is being added to our report. We have a long journey ahead of us and who knows what challenges it will bring.....but our start for our BD couldn't have been better x
Edited 17/02/2021
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