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I'm not in any of the ethnic groups you mention but I have strong links to Africa and I get the impression that had we chosen to be approved for a child of African heritage (we thought a lot about this - we saw two or three children in BMP/CWW while we were doing prep who had one parent from one of the two countries where I've lived, go back for visits, speak the language etc. - so we seriously considered it), we would have then been suggested for children of a wide variety of African/Caribbean backgrounds. Which to me was missing the point as we'd have huge amounts of resources to support some origins but not others.And on the other hand we ended up adopting from overseas, from a country where I'm a dual citizen (with UK). Within that country there are a lot of ethnicities and we felt that we'd be better able, again because of my/our links, to support a child of a different ethnicity but the same national origin as me (we even had a couple of possible links with children of mixed ethnicity from the same country, i.e. one of their BPs not matching us).I think there seems to be a kind of blurring in some SWs minds of different national origins if the visible appearance of the children is similar. This does seem to represent confusion on their part.However for the child themselves the real issues are: can you support their background positively, even if it's not the same as yours, and how likely are they to get a match with adopters of the same background (and how long have they been waiting)?As I say, we are not from Africa, but because of my links felt we could do more than an adequate job of supporting a child from some countries (but maybe not others).

Thanks for this thespouses. It is very helpful. The sw says there are v few dual heritage adopters matching the Eastern European heritage so maybe that's why they might consider us for a dual heritage child where we only part match if you get what I mean. I don't want to say too much on here for obvious reasons. There's alot to think about. I just want to do right for the child.

In my experience the matching process is a bit of a farce to be honest. As long as one of you is black, it doesn't seem to matter where you originally came from. For example if a white English couple are adopting a white child and the child's BM was Irish and the BD was Scottish, that would be considered a "good match", so if you are from the Caribbean and one of the child's BP's was form Africa, they would consider that a good match too. Because they have so many black and mixed race children in care, SW's cannot be "too specific" about the adopters origins and unless they had another couple with African origins waiting to adopt (unlikely), they would go with you and consider it a good match.I still remember our matching meeting where the SW asked the question - "why is this a good match?" and the reply was "jmk is white and is going to be at home (female foster carer was white),jmk's DH is black and he goes out to work (male FC was mixed race and went out to work). I remember thinking in my head, so that's why we're a good match? But it seemed to satisfy SS and we were matched. Weird but true.I suppose the only thing SS would be concerned about is that you teach your child about their country of origin, it's culture and food and traditions etc, but you would probably have wanted to do that anyway wouldn't you.

Thanks, JMK! It does all seem rather random. It seems odd that a White English couple would automatically be assumed to be a good match for a White child with Irish, Welsh or Scottish origins as the cultures are all so different.As one of us is Black Caribbean and one White, we are possibly being considered for (triple heritage?) where one BP is dual themselves so, for example, the child is a quarter Black Caribbean but presents as White (similar to the child discussed in message by Mrs Doyle). Although the Carribean element would match, the child could actually look out of place in the family compared to us/our birth child. Not that we mind that at all but I wonder if it could be an issue for the child, looking White in a mixed family?Yes, we will definitely teach our child about their cultural heritage and hopefully visit countries of origin of birth parents. But it may be a case of learning together as we go along depending on which child we are matched with.

Interesting that you mentioned about being linked to a mixed child who is only quarter black and who on first glance appears to be white. I think this can sometimes be a problem as some prospective adopters would consider the child to be too white. This is why SS are relaxing their rules to allow white couples to adopt these childen as long as they educate the child on their origins and culture.I think it depends on what your own preference is. Do you want your children to blend in with your family and not have to answer intrusive questions from nosey people, or are you happy to fend off ignorant questions and to teach your child how to handle this kind of thing in the future?I am adopted myself, and as an adopted child I wanted to blend in with my family as I wanted to be able to have the choice of who I told I was adopted. Luckily for me, I had the same colouring as my parents and my two brothers, so we looked like a birth family. My older sister however, had blond hair and blue eyes and didn't look like the rest of us, but that never bothered her a bit as she was very confident and liked looking different, so I think it depends on the child and how resilient they are.

Thank you for sharing that, jmk. It's interesting to hear the perspective of someone who's been adopted and been in that situation.I don't mind whether or not the child blends in with the rest of the family and I am more than happy to answer/fend off nosey people & teach my child how to handle it.BUT I'm worried that they might have preferred to blend. Like you did. I don't want to short change them if you see what I mean.Or they might blend in visually and so not attract questions but we may not reflect part of their heritage culturally. There are so many ifs and buts and obviously I can't say too much!

I do think "fitting in" matters moe to adopted kids than most people as you go through your life hearing family members comment on how little Billy is the image of uncle Tom or whatever and I think adopted kids notice family resemblances or differences more than your average child. If the difference is too obvious it can lead to problems with feeling like you are the odd one out IMO, which is why in matching it helps if the children bear some resemblance in hair colour, eye colour or stature/build. It's just one less thing to worry about.I have a friend whose adopted children are the spitting image of her, and when her DD tells for example, the lady at the check out "she's not my real Mum (she does this a lot), the people look at them and just think what an odd child as she looks so like my friend they don't believe her.

Just a little update here... (I have also posted elsewhere in a manic state!) We are now linked. No-one else is being considered. I am feeling absolute shock. It is very very surreal and I don't know if it is really happening.

Hi,Many congratulations!Hope the next stage goes quickly.x