Archived Forums

Hmmm loads-At work one guy said I always said I would adopt if I didn't have children as its what animals do in the wild!!??All children do that ( no they don't!)It's different whn they are your own children.,,,Could go on! It does get to me at times and others I just grin and ignore it!

My favourite this week when I tried to tell a friend about the wild child who emerges in our house just before every meal (long term food anxiety) "welcome to the realities of parenting"

When a work colleague decided to share my news with others: "Oh you haven't herd Pollypockets news?! She's adopting because they let single people do that you know!" Oh and..."She won't need 6months off will she? Just a week or two? Because 6months is what my daughter gets for maternity"

It truly beggars belief how ignorant people are! I reckon they think we go along a line-up, choosing one we like the look of! IT's so ridiculous! Makes you wonder whether to laugh or cry!Phoebe x

Big smile to your posts, cheered me! Just shows that people, in general, are ignorant about children in care etc. I guess I was – until I started looking into adoption!Actually the idea of 'paying' for a child isn't all unfounded, people who do intercountry adoption have to pay for their assessment in the UK (some £6k+) then a lot of money to the country they're adopting from (£20k isn't unheard of) including travel, hotel, interpreter, doctors, tips etc. Most of my relatives abroad would ask which country I am adopting from... and be a bit bemused when I say 'UK'! Oh, they didn't know you can adopt from your 'own' country.In the UK, what I got more frequently from people is 'oh why don't you foster instead?' (grrrr). And 'all children are the same' (errr... wait and see!).

This was when we said our matching panel was postponed. Is it naughty to say that of course this was a (female) friend of my husbands. They are soooo not as clued up as mine lol "Oh don't worry, just keep trying. I have a friend at work who got pregnant naturally at 47!". Errr....we CHOSE to adopt and most certainly wouldn't be "trying" when a child is hopefully about to be placed.

Yep I've had the "oh why don't you foster instead? Then you can give them back" statements. Also had "why don't you foster and keep your current job, just give them to Childcare in the day, which will be paid for, and take a day or two off when new child comes along. Then you'll have two wages coming in!" Also along money lines "how much do you earn for adopting?"

My DH took adoption leave for 6 months with both our babies (I gave up work so he was entitled to take it).He had classic comments at work (as you can imagine), one of his work friends said "why do you need it if "K.T" is off?" and "it is not fair you get leave" he replied "well why don't you put your children into foster care for 6 months and then you will get 6 months off to help them recover as well"!!!! One of my friends who adopted kept a notebook of comments to laugh at over wine with us fellow adopters!

It is amazing, the amount of people who seem to think one gets paid to be an adopter!Our current assessing SW told us she comes across this often, and it is the main reason people are immediately told they are not suitable to adopt. Because they literally put their financial support suggestions on the table and ask "what are you going to do for us"?Astonishing.Witch

Some of those comments are even stupider than mine. Mind you, they make a refreshing change from says the same lines twenty times a day when people ask more reasonable questions

The two most common questions we are asked is, where are their parents? & do you still want your own children? To which the reply is "their parents are here & we already have our own children"

My husband was asked "do you have them full time then?"His reply "no, we're doing it on a time share basis!"

I was adopted as a baby..A few years ago whilst staying with family, my sister in law asked me "Are you going to find your real family?"..I answered " My real family are upstairs snoring!" I understand that she meant my birth family, but after all these years and making it clear I have no desire to trace my birth family, I was gobsmacked and I think the look on my face showed that! We quickly changed the subject!!

My favorite was,"so, how long before you have to hand them back to their Mum & Dad?"Answer, "Never, WE are their Mum & Dad!"From my now estranged brother in law....... "Its your fault you can't have your own children because you left it too late, any children you end up looking after will not be my nieces, you're just babysitting them"Needless to say, I am minus a brother in law now.......!

Thankyou. I now feel fully armed to deal with even the dimmest lights of society.

This has been on here before, but have a look at this............!http://www.parentdish.co.uk/mum/10-things-adoptive-parents-wish-their-friends-and-family-understood/?a_dgi=aolshare_facebook

That really IS good VLM3M-I may well have to print several (hundred) copies out and thrust it at anyone who starts to get up my nose

The one that gets me is "oh you're so lucky you skipped the nappy stage and snotty noses!"

Hehe, good link on parentdish!There's also a good reply from Dan Hughes in this month's Q&A in Adoption UK: – Q:"How would you respond to the retort 'all children do that' which adopters often hear?" – A:"I might agree that 'all children do that' and add that other children do not do it that often, that intensely and with those motives. The misbehaviour of children who have a good attachment with their parents stays within limits that are formed by the parent-child relationship and a sense of mutual caring."