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Hi Pip is going through secondary school transition. Firstly I’m impressed that school are meeting now. It means there’s a chance that stuff agreed can be in place from the get go. Otherwise they meet July and when they start in September they aren’t ready and the child is struggling. The school here offer a week of ‘try the school’ in the last few days of August for SEN or generally vulnerable pupils. I would suggest he has a key person or two and key places to find when things get too much. The school here have passes for kids like your lad to have a few minutes out of class to regulate. This year (hurrah) they are abolishing the dreadful tutor points system with your name and points on a class score board displayed. That’s good imo.

We found it very helpful to meet the secondary schools own pupil support team leader and find out what support they could offer.My sons needs were very different. They came up with things we had not thought about. Perhaps you could ask to speak to whatever the support staff team is called, directly. Only they will know what type of support they can offer your son, and they ought to know he is likely to get an autism spectrum diagnosis as it will affect decisions on support and other stuff.

Thank you for your replies. We don't actually have a meeting date yet, but as we applied for an EHCP because school were saying they did not see the problems we saw. It is only because we have gone through a Tribunal and assessment has now been requested that we have a meeting due to be set for June. I therefore am making sure we have as much as possible ready in the hope that the secondary experience will be better than the primary one. I am hoping that they will have some suggestions as you have suggested Pingu123, but from experience of the current school I wanted to have as many suggestions as possible, if needed.

I think you’re doing all the right things. We had a positive experience of primary (relatively speaking) but everything fell apart at secondary. It can be very stressful - and different kids - lots of changes (rooms teachers subjects) which can be very unsettling. Also negatives and positives and detentions for the slightest thing. With the best will in the world it will be hard and they’re not going to change their basic structure so you have to be very proactive in addressing the problems. I had too much faith in them and their ability to understand / adapt (as an ex teacher) so getting some things set up from the start is really important. The “get out of gaol” card - to leave the classroom to go to an agreed calming down space when stressed is really important. A strong link with learning support - maybe a regular check in to see if he’s understood what homework is needed, needs help or clarification with the work, has any general issues (friendship issues / bullying) preferably with the same person who can also relay any problems to staff and who they know to contact directly. An older child who can be a mentor (it’s useful for older kids to have something like this on their cv) Lots of input to make sure he understands the timetable and where things are in school / how to go places. Some input about clubs to help him choose something he’ll really enjoy (and be good at) Early input for any learning or behavioural difficulties. Do you have anyone who could speak to them about his difficulties (professionals carry weight) - anyone who is currently doing assessments or maybe post adoption support for more general issues? We also had the summer holiday thing which was good. Also building stronger friendships with someone he knows who’s going to the same school - and finding out who’ll be in the same class so you can warn of any issues or build friendships with anyone suitable. Another thing to emphasise is communication with teachers - how important it is they know any issues and any strategies that have been agreed. I found they didn’t always read the info - or “wanted to make up their own minds” - and also there’s often lots of changes of staff - that’s where having a particular contact in learning support can be really important

Its complex but one thing that worked well for dd1 (huge emotional and social difficulties) was someone to check in with at the beginning and end of the day. From year 9 she had someone who was down to earth, caring but robust enough to pull dd up on her behaviours and give her practical support and ideas - her involvement actually went beyond just the check ins. She really got dd through those years till the end of year 11 and had sufficient standing in the school to challenge other staff members too. Dd2 is a very different character- no behaviour issues but prone to anxiety. She had time with a mentor - she now sees the school counsellor instead but the mentor is still around giving support. In addition her head of year is fantastic- I can email him any time and he will respond. He will help dd with any questions, concerns or support she needs. With her none of this was put into place as such before she went there (now year 9) although the school were aware of her vulnerabilities and were quick to act when it was needed. We chose the school for their nurturing attitude and pastoral care and it has paid off. (Older dd had EHCP from year 10, younger doesn't)

Oh and both have had time-out of class arrangements though dd2 is better at using these, being more emotionally aware. And separate rooms for exams. I suppose it's kind of like having someone act as a parent might if they could be in school with the child - being aware of their emotional needs and offering support.

Also building a good relationship with his pastoral team as first point of call is a priority

Thank you for some good ideas. I think the idea of a student mentor would work well with him, as he often is not able to ask adults and would give him more security. Definitely also need someone to email, something that started this year, as we can communicate the problems he comes home with and could not discuss at school. 'Making up their own minds' or not reading guidance has been one of the problems we have experienced at the current school, so hoping with a possible diagnosis on the horizon this will not be a problem. Support with homework is also a good thing. This will be a big thing to discuss as it has been a roller coaster with varying amounts of success. It improved for a while when we were given guidance to limit the time, but since things have got more stressful again, even doing anything has been a challenge. I have heard of an adult with PDA saying they compartmentalise things, so homework at home did not work. What have other's experiences been with homework at secondary?

Maybe also think about homework Here, there’s a lot of homework in the first 2 terms So get school to email it or add you to the student moodle (internet platform) so you can see what he’s actually got to do.

We have access to Show My Homework where all tasks are shown. School also has homework club every day after school ( though our dd won't go as it isn't 'cool'.)