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This is a hard one isnt it, especially when its the daddy who's having the tantrum and even though Im not that competitive myself (DH is) I can see where DH is coming from ... football costs money but it also involves commitment and its hard for you to try and get your son to understand that.Unfortunately our kids want to do these activities but they do need to be committed to them (ie go for the training as well as the matches etc) otherwise it puts people out and lets them down.Have you asked your son if he wants to stop completely and maybe do something else??Star xx

Hi Donatella,My DS's are not particularly adept at football, only only DS2 has ever wanted to do the weekend football thing and that was only for one season when he was about 10. DS1's ball skills were dire from an early age - probably he was mildly dyspraxic. Sadly in a school culture of mostly boys and boys with dads who ran mini football or mini rugby teams, he just didn't fit in and always felt excluded because of his lack of football prowess, he found playtimes difficult and was one of a few boys who were excluded from playground football games because he was 'rubbish'. DS3 has had some success in the school team this year, which has been nice, but out of school he isn't really interested in playing in a mini league.I agree with much of what Garden says - a lot of dads set alot of store by their son's footie ability, I have been to some full-day tournaments with my friend and her DS at age 11/12 age, and the way some of the dads spoke to their sons, or rather shouted something akin to abuse at them, was a bit of an eye opener. Some of them really did expect their kids to make it big in football.It maybe you need to suggest hubby reassesses Bigly's talents. Competitive sports have not been my kids thing at all - physically they are not buily like other more sporty boys, they were never good enough to do well enough that they gained confidence or self-esteem from it, quite the opposite sometimes. For my kids swimming has been a much more successful sport to participate in. More individual, less need for good physical coordination, or big physical size, less competitive as achievements are individual, although as they got bigger they had the option to enter galas. So while other's kids were playing footie, mine were in swimming club (I was horrified how many of the footie boys were still very poor swimmers at age 10 by the way). Both the older two were good strong swimmers by 8, and had both done their mile by age nine - DS1 even tried for five miles when he was 10, but gave up after three and a half miles. Sadly DS3 is no where near as accomplished - fostering has impacted hugely on his ability to join in some things because of the demands on time, and the changing children living with us and their varying needs, but his talent so far seems to be creativity.Midge

I think my boy is a bit of a dreamer on the whole. He's never really been interested in his playstation - unlike his friends. He'd much rather come home from school and get his pens and paper out and write or draw. It's his thing - and incredibly it's rubbing off on middly and littly who both now love to draw.He'll happily play footie in school with all his mates and takes a ball in with him. But I suppose there's no pressure then. No-one's watching him and it's just for fun. And, sadly for me, he also enjoys watching in on the tv ... thank God for Sky plus and multiroom.Swimming is a good idea. He loves the water and is a natural swimmer. Daddy used to swim competitively when he was somewhat younger and fitter but he loves taking the boys and is more for them having fun in the water than being competitive so I think that's maybe a better option.Interested in the rock climbing course. That's something I just know middly would love to do. He has very good upper body strength and is useless at kicking a ball. Might not be old enough yet though as he's still only 4.Thanks for your help.

I may bnot be the best person to ask, as BigImp is retreating from all out of school activities at the moment.But I have basically sort of insidted he finishes a term of swimming, dance etc and then we review it. He can miss one each term, and then he has to go. We often say, let's just got for the first ten minutes/ half hour and then if you still don't want to bethere we can come home. I have to say that round here football is awful. The children are very intolerant of different abilities, the organised football seems to be run by very competitive dads and so on. Round here rugby seems to be much more inclusive of different abilities. It's inherent in the nature of the game I think -- much more of a team sport.Dh and I are completley non atheletic, and baffled by this whole new world we are dipping toes in to...