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Raised head gingerly above parapets, expecting a wasteland and lo! A message from new ARF Camp Commander!! Does this make Pear Tree Supreme Camp Commander now?

Salutations, bugles tooting and flags hoisted in celebration. Cavalry Granny at Camp Clowder can report a brief rummage in the archives for ARF Camp Guidelines but to no avail yet. Equipment malfunction in mobile device hindering mission. More later. Over and out... and wavings to other camps out there.

The ARF thread is full of comfortable joy in the face of fire.

I have smoke signalled arf patridge this morning as he is currently lurking in the chippy and therefore free from his gaoler aka paranoid stickinsect toxic gf. agent reports to working lots of hours so he can put fuel in his battle tank. En1 is proud that agent has got the idea that working to get money is the idea!

Meanwhile En1 is going out for the afternoon with able assistant K9 corps. Non arf Pip is out playing and en2 is mowing the orchard lawn.

Note to all camp with male en2. Mowing the lawn is a hard and complex experience. It involves much huffing and puffing. However comrades, En1 activities of baking cakes, cooking a curry, sewing up a few hems and making phone 3 calls within the space of 2 hours gets a peck on the cheek.., 1 mow of the lawn by en2 is deserving of large bevies, putting feet up for the rest of the day and a very LARGE medal celebrating distinguished service to lawns

right fellow camps, onwards, upwards and toots of the camp bugles

Salutations to fellow Camps. Greetings from Camp Highway. Thank you Chick's Mum, have missed these posts on the new board, for a little bit of light relief. EN1 still in training on this post, but taken up the challenge to find the old post on the general section. All I could find were two series of posts from 2013 and nothing on the word searches I tried. I have found some terms from Commander Pear Tree's post, such as jungle drums, MASH, spondoolies and paid expeditions.. Maybe others can add some more.

EN2 took ARF agent for a hair cut when he emerged from his bunker this morning, as similar missions have failed recently, but returned only with rations of the sweet variety as the facility was oversubscribed and too challenging. So still hiding beneath large head covering, but at least after long period of shampoo avoidance he finally accepted the cleansing challenge for Battalion Photography Mission.

Hatches battened down here at the approaching battlefield at Bootcamp (a.k.a. SATS). ARF agent returned practice manual yesterday, only to be returned in case he wanted to practise whilst on weekend leave!!!! Having felt like being in front of the firing squad this week, ARF agent can only manage manoeuvres on Communication Devices.

Over and Out and waving to other camps.

Nide Camp Commander checking in. Yum smells emanating from MESS tonight - we are going to have toad in the hole (with broccoli and onion gravy) whilst wearing flack jackets. ARF1 has become (somewhat unreasonably) angry at the suggestion that she might contact former comrade. ARF1 is now code radio silence with EN2 who is sighing a lot.

Flag waving but got to go.

Over and back later [no the army never say that!]

Nide again. ARF2 just hunkered down in bunker. ENs 1 and 2 anticipating an hour of so of silence [Ummm, radio communication between ENs 1 and 2 pretty good, most of the time but there are times when we enjoy theraputic silence]. ARF1 sulking can take days and, yes, comrades she is sulking.

Off on expeditions tomorrow to source new jeans for EN1, who is wholly disreputable in her fatigues - yes, holey disreputable might be better a description. So we are off on expeditions to a local purveyor who will help EN1 to plug holes in apparel.

Orchard, stand down on mowing stuff. Give EN2 a medal, or five. Nide has new (oh, come on Peahen, she is almost 2) dog who has destroyed green areas totally. Camp Nide EN2 doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. EN2 at Nide wants to mow but there is nothing left ...

Over.

Cavalry manoeuvres! A reserve regiment of cavalry grannies, granddads and aunties all recently deployed their battle tanks in the directions of select local ARF camps. The ENs from all camps were on Mission Meal Out, hence the cavalry called in for ARF Agent-minding duties.

All went well at camp Clowder, agent Kitcat delighting in demonstrating the rules of bedtime routine to Cavalry Granny. ENs returned happy and well fed, slightly in shock at accomplishing the mission (any mission!) without agent Kitcat in close attendance. Battle plans and logistics of the manoeuvre had to be seen to be believed, but, defying all odds, they did it.

Hope other camps, camp commanders, agents and assorted troops are enjoying the weekend. Report ends.

Nide commander reporting in. ... A big, fat nothing frankly. Chick is benign. AD is in Mother and Baby and, other than the negative smoke communications from AD, all is well. Commander's fatigues successfully replaced. Chick minor strop because wanted fluffy jacket rather than suggested military fatigues.

Tomorrow we venture to Boot Camp International Evening - can't wait! Starts at 18:00 hours and (with usual best luck for Nide) finishes at 21:00 hours at the end of school steel pan entertainment (which Chick is taking part in). Can hardly contain myself. MESS ordered to provide suitable provisions. One sack of pasta or two for our Deli Pasta Salad? Nide Commander says one (which should serve 20) is enough. ARF2 wants to supplement with choc mint cookies. Nide Commander thinks that Chick is going to be disappointed.

Better get boiling that water.

Over.

Camp Highway reporting in as we lift our heads above the battlements. Bootcamp manoeuvres (aka SATS) are over and celebrated with non ARF Bootcamp members by large consumption of the sweet variety in local purveyors. EN1 and EN2 survived the usual after Bootcamp experience of yesterday. This was followed today by announcement earlier by ARF agent that he would be eating a healthier diet in future. Two hours later at Ecclesiastical celebration this was forgotten with the offer of much home made baking of the sweet variety. Celebrations have continued with manoeuvres with non ARF agents based near camp. A few sightings have been made of the agents as they pass base on their secret mission (AKA hide and seek).

Flag waving to other camps as time for MESS duties to resume soon.

Over and out.

Late night watch after a full day, working on not yelping at a hurty tootsie.

Hurty tootsie is non regulation and of the arthritis and neuro naughtiness.

en1 would cheerfully chop off the offending appendage. It has rebelled and is leaning to the far right.

this is declared thoroughly naff.

so en has decided to listen to audible and soothing the brain and hopefully the body.

sending a broad cheer to all the rank and file.

A great hush seems to have descended over ARF camps of late, camp Clowder included. We can reoort that our troops have been fully deployed on a range of missions, mostly under the banner of 'getting on with essential stuff and feet not touching the ground'.

Here is latest update: Today ARF Kitcat suggested a recce of local Exercise Facility aka soft play centre. Thus, Cavalry Granny pointed her battle tank due north and off we went. With local boot camps being closed, many other small and medium sized persons were busy jumping, leaping and shouting, but amazingly, Kitcat threw herself into the fray with abandon. Given the smallness of Kitcat's stature, Cavalry Granny was on cinders but did her absolute best not to interfere in the Agent's jumping missions. Another cavalry Granny (from a non-Arf camp) was amazed at little Kitcat amongst all the bigger troops...'She holds her own alright!' she said, of Kitcat. And Cavalry Granny felt that some significant corners have been turned of late, with the ARF Agent growing fast in confidence.

All the jumping meant that agent Kitcat worked up a good appetite for her tea later and ate every scrap, including veg. En1 was duly impressed and the day ended well. Small stuff, but at camp Clowder such successes are to be noted in dispatches.

Smoke signals, bugle toots, flags and communications in appropriate formats to all other camps, with many well wishes. Over and out.

Camp HIghway reporting in. Visit to outdoor exercise facility here, but unfortunately cut short by visit to MASH with swollen hand. ARF agent now proud of bandaged hand but disappointed not the one he writes with. ARF agent is determined this is not preventing further manoeuvres this week, although comes in handy when there are things he is not keen to do.

Smoke signals to other camps hoping they enjoy the warmer end to the week.

Camp Nest reporting in from that strange event called ‘holiday’. ARF Sqk is doing much better 9 months on from move of basecamp & bootcamp. New bootcamp has been exceptional and deserve a medal for dealing with Arfness. EN1 is going through yet another period of flux at paid expeditions .... but at least this one seems to mean EN still has a job. ENs think they are getting towards end of basecamp renovations.... salutes to all camps

Welcoming all reports with avid reading at this late hour while at on night watch duties.

In the Orchard camp there is a lot of QUIET due to the fact that non arf pip has cleared off to in depth jungle training aka bootcamp activity week. Jungle is in fact the large wooded activity zone for boot camp commanders and those who are in year6. Much whimpering and wailing heard in the orchard camp last night at the horror of leaving ens and that she’s worried and upset and more worried and more upset..

Pip is the only orchard member bred in captivity (as it were) but her early years with the full blown Arf have left her some hidden scars. loss or fear of loss is a biggy for her. However she has girded her loins and headed off for collective expeditions.

Agent Partridge has an annual celebration at the weekend and the plan dear comrades is to have a bbq with both in laws and En1’s family. Agent has been making some signs of progress because he has had actually requested some gifts of a birthday type. Shhhhh. this might mean he expects to get something. This is close to a point of ‘de-arfing the arf!’

This is progress indeed. Young lad agent has declared ‘Victoria Sponge’ to be cake of desire. Again en has noticed that agent has not done the usual grunt of ‘whatever’ when asked if he’d like a special cake ration and what type.

Impressed by camps undergoing renovation, MASH visits and full salute for ANY camp visiting the heavy bombardment training zone aka indoor play thingy. En1 would rather stick pins in her ocular equipment then go in one of these...!

Now comrades, our corps canine of glory has worked out a new trick- worthy of ARF mention in dispatches. Canine support unit is of Labrador X lineage. He therefore likes the MESS area of the orchard camp and other places similar best. Evil mean EN1 wouldn’t let said keen Labrador in the MESS of ecclesiastical areas. Despite him trying the ‘im a food preparation supervisor’ impression. This week it was baptism Sunday at said ecclesiastical zone and master waggy was on lead so he couldn’t go near MESS area at the back of the hall. suddenly, when we went past the open patio port cullis to the baptistery, he made the ‘im going to chunder’ face and noises. Quickly En1 undid his lead and he duly went out the doors... what en hadn’t seen was a child had dropped various biscuits around one side of baptistery.....suffix it to say no sweeping outside was required.

en2 says canine unit should get a medal for sneaky biscuit obtaining under false pretences right under en1’s nose....

Camp Chaos sending a one off dispatch - the war appears to be over - agent chaos has matured and is on good medication and now very loving towards ex POW ceased hostilities and working towards gaining a life . Camp chaos just wants to let other camps under siege that there can be hope

on the other hand - double agent K9 AKA wee dog is still keeping ex POW on her toes and still wages war on rabbits, squirrels and anything that moves and enjoys prolonged undercover explo missions into dense undergrowth that no human can enter - especially on a cold rainy day keeping humans waiting for HOURS!

Feline agents just either sleep or get up to no good under the radar ……..

Congratulations to former POW and delighted to read hostilities have ended.

well done amazing Comrade and former ARF

interested to hear about rebellion of the felines. Perhaps we should have a PRF (pets revolutionary front?!)

Congratulations Shadow (and Shadette) - I have followed your story for many years and know what a massive achievement this is. Enjoy a well earned rest / retirement (whichever is appropriate - no idea of your age obviously!)

(apologies for not using ARF language - I never did master that skill!)

Camp Clowder reporting for duty. Relieved to hear from various camp commanders that light has been sighted, relished even, at end of tunnels re the ARFness of our young troops. Well done, all ENs and ARF agents, we at other camps welcome the good news. Agent Kitcat has a long way to go and there are signals that can be decoded as 'You ain't seen nothing yet!' But the ENs and Cavalry Granny remain optimistic.

Today cavalry Granny and agent Kitcat have been on mission impossible aka 'Purchase inflatable cushion for cavalry Uncle who has broken his hip'. Said uncle is a keen cyclist. Too keen it turns out, as he was going at speed when his bike came into contact with wet leaves and he went flying. Flying was not detailed on his instructions from Camp, the result being a heavy fall, badly broken hip and one week in MASH. Thus, he is demoted from cavalry corps for the foreseeable. Hence Granny and agent Kitcat searching for cushion to make him more comfortable. After much tracking down at various locations, some success was met with and the Flying Uncle declared himself pleased.

Keen for some respite from purchasing manoeuvres, Cavalry Granny and Kitcat decided to bake chocolate cakes for tea. Kitcat is becoming a competent baker, but on this occasion, when Granny's back was turned for 2 minutes, coated her hair (and much else) in chocolate cake mix. Clean up operations on a massive scale took place, Agent Kitcat continuing to taste her chocolate coated hair for as long as possible. Granny is happy to report that what was left of the cake mix turned into excellent cakes which were soon eaten.

Communications with feline support units at this camp can confirm that said felines are keen to make their collective voices heard more widely.

Salutations to all camps. Report ends.

Late night missive from the Orchard.

ARF 24th Birthday went relatively ok. Agent enjoyed presents of the ‘box set of Game of thrones’ cards T-shirts wipers for his battletank etc. For Father’s Day, he gave mrPT an unwrapped, used DVD that we suspect was his own. However comrades this is something and is edging towards giving a gift and maybe one day a card to EN2.

arf Partridge has always struggled most with en2’s. He really found men very hard to judge in terms of physicality and how much kicking to give. En2 is a gentle not into kicking type fella which was very alien to young boy arf partridge. He has a very close and loving relationship with en1’s father, cavalry grandpa. agent adores him. Lots of gentle and respectful treatment both ways there. but man in the role of an En2 is a step too close to young agent and therefore in the ARF code deserves particular treatment. Scorn. Snorting and general aggression being top. This considered agent has come a long way.

En1 felt sorry for En2 who didn’t get a card from agent we have sacrificed so much for beyond the calls of duty.

Agent did have a celebratory time with wider orchard. He munched through 4 burgers, several sausages and 3 chicken drumsticks and enjoyed a large slice of Victoria Sandwich ration. He informed En1 he was going to cinema and pub with mates etc on actual birthday which En1 agreed was a lovely idea.

A few days on, En1 drove the battletank through the town on way back to base from another event.
Discovered Arf partridge walking alone from cinema to his dwelling in the drizzle. On his birthday.

Rather sad, very sad ?

In the meantime, En1 has sabre rattled at boot camp who ENs were informed, are doing a dramatic exploration of refugees ‘journeys’ including loss of mother, baby death, loss of stuff etc. For the Research if the local university. Non arf Pip was in tears just reading the *#%*ing letter about it.

En1 has crafted a stern email about the impact of such lessons on trauma effected children. Perhaps the children that they want people to be nicer to as a result of reading the book might just be severely retraumatised instead of being helped? furious this kind of stuff is being thrown at boot camps. Grrrrr

suggest bugle call in all camps under fire from stupid boot camp actions. Rally the troops. Ens I will salute you all as you fire off cross emails in order to fight for the ARF!

Cavalry Granny at Camp Clowder reporting. Apologies for lengthy gaps between missives; Granny has been helping to care for cavalry Uncle with broken hip and must inform you that complications have developed. The battle tank has been much deployed hither and yon as Granny attempts to sort out the Uncle (who you may remember has been removed from cavalry duties at present). Granny has also been sorting out uncles troops; two non-arf agents of junior boot camp age. Granny is on her knees with fatigue but doing her best.

ARF Agent Kitcat has proved to be a ray of sunshine. We have been busy with camp-based exercises such as watering the garden (and the agent's feet) and making biscuits (and eating them). The agent is happy as long as we keep busy, and this is good for Granny's mental agility as she always has to have tricks up her sleeve for things to do.

Camp Clowder is pleased to hear that agent Partridge participated in and enjoyed his birthday celebrations. And gave a fathers day present too! Birthday flags and bugle toots in the direction of Orchard Camp. More flag waving and smoke signals to all other ARF camps as we prepare for boot camp shut down in a couple of weeks. Over and out.